Girls, do you ever feel that you’re not being treated like a sex object enough? Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself, I really wish someone would start humping the back of my head for no apparent reason? Well, today’s your lucky day, because artist Sander Reijers makes hoodies from old inflatable sex dolls. He cuts up old dolls bought from sex shops - then uses the parts to create hooded tracksuit tops, or hoodies. Yes, you heard right–used sex toys you can wear! From the caption of the picture:

The 31-year-old says he cannot understand why people would choose to have sex with the rubber objects. So he prefers that they to turn them into something wearable. The designer explained: “I customize existing tracksuit tops with parts of the blow-up dolls.
“These dolls are so ugly and vulgar that turning them into something beautiful has become a challenge for me. The doll is a means to convey something else.”

He’s absolutely right. Wearing rubber coated with men’s DNA on your head is actually quite a lovely idea. Crowned with humanity! Enveloped with the essence of life!

In what can only be described as another brilliant move on Papa Simpson’s part, Jessica Simpson is hawking poor-man’s beer Stampede Light Plus. NY Daily News says,

Simpson, 28, will serve as the beer’s spokeswoman and appear in advertisements.

And she’s putting her money where her mouth is - Simpson also owns a 15 percent share in the company.

“Jessica found out about Stampede after trying it in Dallas and lik[ed] it so much that she met with the founder and became an owner,” her rep explained to the Daily News on Wednesday.

The singer, who is releasing her debut country album in September, liked the beer because it was “consistent with her healthy lifestyle and values,” her publicist said. “She likes to invest in healthy products.”

According to its label, Stampede Light Plus beer is chock full of B-vitamins and has only 115 calories per beverage.

So this is like the freaking jackpot! Now I can wash down my Froot Loops (a good source of vitamins!) and no trans-fat Cheetos with a beer that’s good for me! Coupled with splashing my feet in the kiddie pool, I’m on my way to a god-like physique! Michael Phelps who?

Jessica in ads for her new perfume “Fancy”.