Bobby Brown was arrested for driving under the influence and driving with a blood alcohol content of .08 or higher yesterday afternoon in Reseda, California. Please hold your applause until the end. TMZ says:

Bobby was pulled over at 12:20 PM PST for allegedly driving while talking on a cell phone.

Cops believe Brown was DRUNK at the time of his arrest.

43-year-old Bobby is currently in custody in Van Nuys jail. It’s unclear what [other substances] cops believe Brown had been using before he got behind the wheel.

That’s just the dumbass icing on the dysfunctional cake, isn’t it? Her mom overdoses on cocaine; daddy dearest gets his second DUI, and now Bobbi Kristina is marrying her own brother. I swear, if this chick doesn’t end up in porn, I will eat my fucking hat.

2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue covergirl Kate Upton at the Jeffrey Fashion Cares in New York last night, because she’s not Bobby Brown or Bobbi Kristina:

A former boyfriend of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown’s 18-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina is alleging that she is addicted to cocaine — and he sold a couple of photos of her hoovering up blow at a party last month to prove it. The Daily Mail says:

In the pictures, a woman alleged to be Kristina is shown snorting lines of a white powdery substance, alleged to be cocaine.

According to the National Enquirer, she was snapped using the drug at two different parties.

The article that she regularly indulges in marijuana and ‘guzzles beer and gets smashed on grain alcohol.’

Bobbi Kristina was quick to respond last night after the photos were made public, tweeting:

A former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes…

But it’s really not what it looks like… People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I’m very hurt by this.

Thing’s people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.

All the lord is telling me is be still. That’s all, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. #BeStill.

I think she’s telling the truth. No way a person addicted to cocaine looks like this. She was probably just snorting powdered sugar in those pictures. It takes too long to wait for them to turn into into frosting, and Type II Diabetes bows to no man. Probably because it’s still recovering from another hip replacement.

Part two of Whitney Houston’s first televised interview in more than seven years airs on today’s Oprah, in which she reveals she regularly smoked marijuana and crack and was “addicted” to ex-husband Bobby Brown. The Daily Mail says

The 46-year-old singer described her drug use, saying it became ‘heavy’ after her 1992 movie ‘The Bodyguard.’ She said she would take marijuana combined with rock cocaine. “You put your marijuana, you lace it, you roll it up and you smoke it,” Houston explained to Winfrey.

“I didn’t do anything without [Bobby]. He was very much in control. I liked that. When he said something, I listened. I was very interested in having someone have that kind of control over me. It was refreshing.

He was my drug,” Houston added.

And everyone knows you don’t just quit a drug cold turkey. You have to be weaned off of it. Like methadone for heroin junkies, or in this case, Jenkem for Bobby Brown addicts. See, your rehab meds have to be spawned from the same chemical family as your actual drug of choice. I figure a big bottle of hot fermented butt hash is about as close as one gets to Bobby Brown’s actual molecular structure without killing inadvertently themselves.

Lindsay Lohan’s career managed to surface from the shitter and cling precariously to the rim of the bowl on Monday when producers of her new romantic comedy “Labor Pains” finally found someone stupid enough to insure her. According to Rush and Molloy

“Labor Pains” producer Rick Schwartz kept getting turned down by insurers. “[Schwartz] could only find one insurance company to cover her, and even then he really had to vouch for her.”

[A Plum Pictures spokesperson said] “Our insurance and bond reps have been impressed with her good behavior. Whatever personal issues she may have had in the past, it is clear to me that work is her total priority. She wants to make this role and this film a success, and I truly believe in her.”

Well, here’s one guy who has no problem attesting to her work ethic: Bobby Brown’s son Landon. Showbiz Spy reveals

Landon enjoyed a fling with Lindsay Lohan in a nightclub’s toilets [in 2006. Landon said,] “Lindsay followed me to the bathroom during a party and, well, we basically got together. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in. I think she knew who I was.”

So would that be considered “working hard,” or “hardly working?” Ha ha! We all know it doesn’t really matter as long as the word “hard” is involved. Or the word “penis.” She’s a real workhorse when it comes to hard penis.

Whitney Houston’s teenage daughter with ex-husband Bobby Brown attempted suicide last week after stabbing her mother during an argument. The National Enquirer says

A family member [said] that a few days before Bobbi Kristina’s 15th birthday party, [Bobbi Kristina] “tried to stab Whitney” before [slashing her own wrists] with the razor. The shocking suicide attempt landed Bobbi Kristina in a psychiatric ward in Atlanta.

Thank God Bobbi Kristina didn’t actually succeed in killing herself. She still has so much to live for! Things like “Celebrity Rehab” and “felony check fraud.” There’s a whole world out there just waiting with open cell doors arms!

One more of Bobbi Kristina smoking pot with a friend after the jump

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