These pictures are supposed to be from the Playboy Mansion Stars and Stripes: An Evening of Sexy Patriotism gala, but it looks more like someone painted a bunch of truck stop hookers and day-shift strippers and turned them loose on somebody’s front lawn. Or as VH1 usually calls it, the casting call for the next season of Rock of Love Bus 2. Woooo! High five!
This time of year is so filled with the magic and wonder of romance. No, not the chocolate hearts and flowers Hallmark Valentine bullshit, you mincing nancy. I’m referring, of course, to that special time each year when Sports Illustrated stops talking about boring stuff like actual sports, and instead puts out their annual Swimsuit Issue. Love is in the air, dudes.
This year’s cover girl is Bar Refaeli, supermodel and Leonardo DiCaprio arm candy:
When I first saw the words “painted ladies California” in the tagline under the pictures, I got really excited. Finally, more photos of early Colorist Movement Edwardian homes to add to my Nob Hill Historic District collection! But when I opened them, it turned out to be just a couple of sluts in body paint at a Playboy Super Bowl party. I’m sure you’re just as disappointed as I am.
Hef’s new girlfriends Karissa (number 69) and Kristina Shannon (also number 69):
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