Everyone’s always telling me how 40 is the new 30. Judging from these pictures of Helena Christensen in a bikini, I’d say 40 is more like the new 69. High five!

With Bono and his family in St. Barts:

I used to have a crush on Bono since I was like, 7 years old. He’s 5 years younger than my parents but man oh man, the years have not been kind to him. So I am sorry to say that my crush has officially ended, Mr. Paul David Hewson, due to you starting to resemble either Popeye or a leprechaun, I’m not sure which, but both decidedly do not make me hot. You’ve also gotten increasingly self-righteous and preachy and I let that slide because I thought you were Older But Still Hot, but those days are long gone. Thanks for the memories, now go away.

Leaving the Claridges Hotel in London

It seems that the savior of the Third World, Bono, isn’t above playing pat-a-cake with a couple of mere babes! Celebrity Fix reveals,

The 48-year-old rocker, dubbed ‘Saint Bono’ by the UK tabloids due to his tireless humanitarian work, was chilling in St. Tropez with pal Simon Carmody when he was photographed hanging out with the two 19-year-olds, who later partied with the dad-tastic pair on a private yacht.

And the pics, of course, ended up on the girl’s Facebook pages.

One of the bikini-clad pair, American fashion student Andrea Feick, laughed off any sordid suggestions when quizzed by the Mail On Sunday.

“I think that for somebody who’s much older than I am… no thank you,” she said.

“No…God no! God no! He’s a friend of mine and that’s pretty much it. I’m not going to get into details, but it’s a small world.”

Sounds innocent, despite the Daily Mail alleging that “later that evening, [Bono and the girls] took a stroll along the beach, where Bono put his arm around Miss Feick’s waist and then wrapped himself around Miss Emerson’s neck.” Other pics posted on their profile include one of Andrea wearing a hat Bono bought in Disneyland.

Don’t you love how Bono’s friend is trying his darnest to look sexy? Is he doing a shoulder tilt? Bono can wear his goofy glasses til the day he dies and he’ll still be a cool self-righteous mofo. But when you’re just an average British man with bangs, no amount of slight lip puckering and shoulder tilting is going to make barely legal girls want you. Bono’s glorious aura doesn’t extend THAT far.

No word on whether or not Bono got an “Elevation”. Yeah, I just went there.