There’s been much speculation that squeaky-clean country star Taylor Swift got her boobs done after photos of her looking decidedly bustier (before pic for comparison) surfaced online last week. See, this is exactly why I don’t wear low-cut dresses. Or ever go outside. People are always trying to take pictures of your tits and put them on the internet. Plus, with their infinitely superior technology, it’s almost impossible to distinguish the alien cyborgs from the real humans anymore.
There was something different about 32-year-old Rosario Dawson at the 98th Annual White House Correspondents Association dinner this weekend, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Mostly because putting a finger on it would have violated the restraining order and ergo the terms of my probation, and God knows I can’t afford another strike. It’s not like I live in Los Angeles or have the last name “Lohan.” Radar Online’s plastic surgeon-on-tap Dr. Anthony Youn says:
“Comicon hottie Rosario Dawson appears to have grown super heroine-sized breasts. Her chest size looks like it’s gone from a B to a D, likely from a set of large breast implants…. if her surgery was recent, it’s possible her breasts will settle down a bit.”
Any doctor who prefaces his professional medical opinion with the words “Comicon hottie” deserves to be taken out back and flogged with his own medical degree. I just assume it’s printed on bamboo and held together with clay and twine and other equally valuable third-world-island commodities gathered near his alma mater.
There are times when fitness model Jennifer Nicole Lee looks really super smokin’ hot. This is not one of those times, my friends. She looks like some kinda she-male Elizabeth Berkley impersonator. If it weren’t for the nipples, I wouldn’t have even posted them at all.
There’s only one reason for back-to-back Jersey Shore posts, and that reason is because I hate you. At least this post has more than just one boob in it.
There’s something different about Cameron Diaz when comparing these photos of her in Hawaii two weeks ago (left) and photos of her last year (right), and it’s not just the hair. The Daily Mail says:
The Charlie’s Angels star, 39, was spotted on the beach in Hawaii over the holidays looking rather shapely, prompting rumors she’s gone under the knife.
The actress is said to have had implants to boost her chest by a cup size.
Cameron has previously said she’d prefer a more curvy figure, telling Marie Claire in 2009: ‘I’d love to be more voluptuous. It’s just not my body type.”
You know that expression “useless as tits on a boar?” Well, this is a close second.
Nothing ruins a good bikini picture like a stupid baby. It makes masturbating take twice as long, and as you well know, I don’t have that kind of time. Not while the ancient flowers in the Larunya Mines in Zelda Skyward Sword still beckon.
Victoria Silvstedt’s Wiki page says that she is a “Swedish celebrity model, actress, singer, and television personality,” which sounds a lot fancier than “bonafide whore,” which is what she actually she is. In fact, in some parts of the world, a “silvstedt” is just a polite euphemism for a genital wart.
I didn’t realize that they made fully animatronic sex dolls these days. Ten bucks says Charlie Sheen is somehow responsible for this new masturbatory development.
“Holly’s World” stars Holly Madison and Laura Croft at the grand opening of “Night School 4 Girls” in Vegas:
This before and after pic of Nicole Richie in a bikini seems to suggest that the former “Simple Life” star went and got her titties inflated by a professional recently. Us Magazine says:
An insider tells [says] that [Richie] got implants this summer.
“In the past, she said she wanted a lift, though we never thought she was serious,” another source says of Richie.
Still, “she’s been open about it to friends,” notes the first insider.
The second source adds that the designer wanted to improve her bustline for hubby Joel Madden, 32. “The pregnancies took a toll. She said breast-feeding killed what boobs she did have!”
Oh, I doubt she did it for Joel Madden. He’s way too concerned with mastering the perfect smoky eye to bother looking at anybody’s tits.
Nicole hosting Fashion’s Night Out earlier this month; celebrating her 30th birthday at Cecconi last week (bottom):
In Denise Richards’ new autobiography “The Real Girl Next Door” (on sale now!), she reveals that she underwent three breast augmentations in the last ten years in an attempt to recreate perfect nineteen-year-old breasts. It’s the most noble mission of all. The Daily Mail says:
She said: ‘[My first augmentation] when I was 19, a doctor put in bigger implants than what I’d asked for. I was in such a hurry to get them that I didn’t research my doctor.’
You’d have though the bad experience would have taught Richards a lesson, but she then went and got a second dose of surgery that she wasn’t happy with, increasing her bust to a size D, ahead of filming her 1998 movie Wild Things.
Denise says she is finally happy with her breasts, following a third stab at going under the knife.
‘This is the size I wanted them to look at 19. There is a long investment with breast implants.
They are not going to last a lifetime and things can go wrong. I’m happy with them now, but that could change.’
I uploaded some screen caps from “Wild Things” so we could do a side-by-side before and after comparison of her boobs. And frankly, there is no comparison. Her first doctor should’ve gotten a noble prize for medicine, because she was damn near perfect before.
They say that everybody has a twin out there somewhere — mine is Angelina Jolie (obviously), and Heidi Montag’s is Courtney Stodden, the aspiring 16-year old “singer” pictured above with her 51-year-old Green Mile actor husband, Doug Hutchison. That’s nearly a three and a half decade difference, for those of you not so hot with math. The Daily Mail says:
While many parents may be horrified at the dramatic age gap, Courtney’s mother and father have actually given it all their backing. Courtney’s father, Alex Stodden, who at 47 is four years younger that his son-in-law, gushed about the new addition to the family.
Mrs Stodden said: ‘They are very much in love and we are so supportive of this. Courtney was a virgin when she married Doug. She is a good Christian girl.’
Looking well beyond 16, it appears that Courtney has possibly gone under the knife to obtain her more ‘mature’ looks, but her mother denies this.
She said: ‘She is a beautiful girl. She has real breasts, real lips, she’s not plastic.’
If that girl is actually 16 years old and those DD’s turn out to be real, I will eat my fucking hat. But first I’d have to go buy a hat, because really, who the fuck wears a hat? Black women on their way to church and Sigma Chi pledges? Korean rice farmers? Lazy Mexican mice? Buying a hat is really more of a question of socio-political allegiance than it is fashion statement. It’s probably best that those tits are totally fake, then.
Her most recent single “Don’t Put it on Me” below; another Stodden masterpiece after the jump:
Everyone has seen someone with a lazy eye before, but what about someone with a lazy tit? If you took Cookie Monster, shaved him, starved him and then froze him in flesh-colored carbonite, he’d look exactly like Janice Dickinson’s wonk-eyed rack up there. Welcome to Nightmare on Sesame Street, bitches.
