Ashlee Simpson showed up at the “Power of Leather” event in Times Square this week Botoxed beyond belief and with a lip full of Juvederm. One of the side effects of that much Botox is the unfortunate “drooping eyes,” (example here), and Ashlee’s got it bad. She needs to be careful with that stuff. I bet it’s hard to lipsync convincingly when you can’t move a muscle in your face.

With husband Pete Wentz:

No, that’s not a pair of evil banshees on a baby-harvesting mission– that’s Nicole Kidman and What Nicole Kidman Might Look Like Without All The Botox And Plastic Surgery, or “Antonia” as the rest of the family calls her for short. She is Nicole’s three-years younger sister, who if you believe a word out of Nicole’s mouth must have spent the last decade of her life in a food dehydrator. Nicole told the Daily Mail

“I’ll never have Botox. I’ve always been against that and seeing Botox on TV with all the swelling and pain put me off it anyway. The directors always allow actors with Botox but I just say. ‘No way, not for me.’

Drinking lots of water, eating fruit and doing yoga is what keeps me looking young naturally. I swear by it. I also use creams with natural ingredients to make wrinkles less visible. Everybody should try these things rather than going the plastic route, which I just hate.”

I believe the scientific term we’re looking for here is “liar, liar pants on fire.” I’m sure Nicole would be raising her eyebrows in vehement protest right now if her glabellar muscles weren’t packed full of botulinum poison.

Antonia at the ASTRA Awards in Sydney last night:

You might remember 49-year old actor Rupert Everett from such challenging roles as “Stuffy British Fop” and “Token Gay Guy” in the cinematic masterpieces “Dunston Checks In” and “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” but I doubt you’d recognize him now that he’s butchered his face. According Star Magazine

“… Rupert had a face-lift,” [the founder of the Premier Plastic Surgery Center of New Jersey] said. “His cheeks are fuller and lifted, and his jawline and neck are pulled back and smoother.”

As for his forehead, it’s… Botox. “He’s definitely using it. He is very animated, and there are no lines visible on his forehead.”

The last element in Rupert’s new look — a chin implant! “The shape and projection of the chin is drastically different. It’s much more pointed.”

He must have told his surgeon, “I’m thinking ‘Madame Tussaud’s,’ but with more of a dead-eyed creepy factor.” This has to be most terrifying case of gayface I’ve ever seen.

Before the face-lift:

Lisa Rinna is going to let you in on a little secret — those aren’t her real lips! Who know? Her secret: injectable Juvéderm. Gallons of it. She tells In Touch Weekly

“We all know everyone does it! We go on Jenny Craig and do all these things to change ourselves, so why can’t we get a little filler?”

But while a little is one thing, Lisa admits she recently overdid it. “I saw a picture of myself and thought, ‘Uh-oh,’” admits Lisa. “You have to be careful. I’m a perfect example of that!”

She thought, “uh-oh?” What the hell is that? “Uh-oh” is what you say when a four year-old spills his milk in the floor. “Uh-oh” is what you say when your shoe comes untied. “Uh-oh” is NOT what you say when you realize you’ve mangled your once-beautiful face and turned your mouth into a greasy pulsating hemorrhoid that talks. What she should have said is “Oh, God, NOOOOOOOO!” before smashing every mirror in the house and using the broken pieces to hack away at her sausage lips in front of her terrified children and housekeeper. You gotta make it mean something, Lisa. Otherwise, people will never understand the dangers of Juvederm addiction.

In a bikini, because it helps distract from her lips:

Mother of the Year Sharon Stone is denying claims that she wanted her 8-year-old son Roan to receive Botox treatments for his stinky feet. According to Us Weekly

“Sharon Stone never made this statement. It is a complete fabrication,” her attorney Martin Singer tells Entertainment Tonight. “Sharon loves her son Roan and only wants the best for him.”

Of course she wouldn’t make a statement like that. Please. She very clearly said she wanted botox injections for his anus. Because pooing is so smelly and unbecoming! With her steady diet of cocaine and martinis, she probably hasn’t taken a real dump in years. Unless you count “Basic Instict 2″ or “Catwoman.” I’m pretty sure you’d have to wipe after making those pieces of shit.