Well, look what the free clinic dragged in — it’s Lindsay Lohan and Gerard Butler! If you’re suddenly overcome by the smell of ball sweat and Astroglide, just put your head between your knees until the nausea passes. The Daily Mail says

They were famously spotted kissing at a lavish party in Morocco last year and now Lindsay Lohan has found her way back into Gerard Butler’s arms.

The Scottish actor, 40, and the 23-year-old Mean Girls met up at a mutual friend’s pool party in Beverly Hills over the weekend.

The pair seemed pleased to be reacquainted, giving each other a warm embrace on the balcony. The pair spent much of the night dancing and flirting… before eventually leaving the party together.

Somebody alert the CDC and the World Health Organization, because letting the two of them swap genital juices leaves us wide open for a new strain of superhuman STD that can’t be contained with our paltry “antibiotics” and “vaccines.” Unless Trojan makes condoms out of Plutonium, prepare for an epidemic outbreak of VD the likes of which the world has never known.

Because “Love Muscle Milk” sounds like code for semen:

Those people at Vogue Russia are some wacky people. Here they’ve thrown a mishmash of boxing gear, evening dresses, weird man-girdle things together with Alessandra Ambrosio and some awfully fey men who are trying their best to look interested in her and not each other.  I’d love to hear the Russian photographer’s coaching for this one:

” Yes, look like you are sexy boxer-lady, but also at same time, fairy princess.”

“No, I need girdle to be tighter, so man-package is more, “hello, here I am”.

“Vat do you mean, ‘Vy does Sasha get to wear studded headgear?’  Shut up and vet your lips, Ivan.”

What better way to kickstart your weekend than watching Kim Kardashian getting punched in the face? It seems the logical order of events, since you’ve already seen her get pissed on and drilled like an Alaskan shoreline. Us Magazine says

On Sunday’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian steps into the ring for a charity boxing match — with harsh results.

She ends up taking several punches to the face.

“I’ve never been hit so hard,” Kim, 29, says in the clip (above).

The only way I’d enjoy this more is if her helmet had flown off in the middle of it all. And maybe if instead of a boxing ring, it was set of concrete stairs surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles and sharks and sharpened wooden poles dipped in cyanide. But no sense in getting greedy, is there? If there’s one thing this whole Haiti travesty has taught me, it’s to be grateful for what I’ve got. So, thank you, Jesus, for this wonderful clip of Kim Kardashian getting her ass kicked. Amen!

More of her doing what she does best — sucking:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

Kim Kardashian posted a picture of herself with a big black eye on her official website yesterday. That’s big black eye, not “big black guy.” That really wouldn’t be newsworthy at all, now would it? Star Magazine says

The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star agreed to participate in a boxing match on Tuesday to raise money for The Dream Foundation, but she left with a shiner when her opponent punched her in the eye.

“At the end of the day, we did this for charity and that’s what counts,” Kim posted on her Web site Wednesday. “But man, my girl could throw a punch! Look at my black eye!!!”

I bet this marks the first time that Kim’s taken it in the face in front of a video camera without having to be on her knees with her mouth wide open. This has got to be one for the books, people!