15-year-old Disney slutbag Miley Cyrus and her 800 bodyguards disrupted the Christian Audigier fashion show on Wednesday so that she could mime licking 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston’s ballsack as he walked down the runway. Suck on that, Mickey! Page Six says

Gaston and Cyrus… “were all over each other backstage.” Every time Gaston walked, he would blow a kiss and wink at his teenage girlfriend, who in turn, “licked her lips seductively as he passed her.”

Cyrus was surrounded at all times by five bodyguards who “banned anyone from getting near her and formed a barrier so she wouldn’t be touched or bothered by anyone.”

It might seem a little excessive, but I understand Miley’s need for the five-man-deep bodyguard blockade. I really do. Because I imagine anyone who gets within ten feet of this stupid bitch has to muster every last bit of self-control not to punch her big ugly teeth right down her big stupid gullet. My ass-kickin’ foot involuntarily starts twitching the moment I even start writing about her. Fortunately, I’ve only ever had to use it once, when that old lady cut in front of me at the buffet line at Shoney’s, but you can rest assured it’s definitely primed for a chance meeting with our little Hannah Montana.