When my kid starts bitching about taking tennis lessons this summer, I’m gonna march him right over to the computer and pull up these pics of Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker and then smack him upside the head with his own racquet. Don’t ever question your mother, dumbass.
Tennis star Andy Roddick’s wife for La Senza lingerie:
The thing that sucks about winter is you get way less hot bikini action than you do in the summer. Fortunately, Victoria’s Secret has taken it upon themselves to rectify that injustice by putting pics of Candice Swanepoel in a bikini in their holiday catalog. Which ultimately begs the question, is that a yule log in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? Beats the hell outta ten lords a-leaping, I can tell you that.
Victoria’s Secret supermodels Candice Swanepoel and Erin Heatherton were aptly dressed for the launch of their latest Angel fragrance and the Dream Angels bra at the Victoria’s Secret in SoHo yesterday. All I know is if I’m ever on the operating table and I code, this better damn well be what I see when I go into the light. Anything else will make heaven a giant disappointment.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Cintia Dicker is 25, but she looks about fourteen in these pics, which is why I find looking at her in her underpants uncomfortable. And that’s exactly what I told the cops when they seized my hard drive in the raid.
Okay, so you can’t actually see her boobs, but she’s still technically topless. Therefore I can in good conscience title this post “Kate Upton Topless,” because as I previously established, she is, in fact, topless. And just how many times can I drop the words “Kate Upton topless” in one post? Enough times to boost my Google ranking a couple of notches? I’m afraid that one still remains to be seen. Maybe you should google it.
Rihanna has replaced Megan Fox as the face of Emporio Armani underwear, and the first of the new ads are out today. They’re okay, I guess. I probably would have liked them a whole lot better if they’d actually used Rihanna instead of her avatar.
Bonus non-Emporio-Armani-sanctioned photo of her sucking her thumb here:
Victoria’s Secret Angel Lily Aldridge married Kings of Leon front man Caleb Followill in May, which just goes to show you that your music can suck and your haircut look stupid and your face be all smarmy and weasel-like and you can still land a lingerie model, so long as you’re famous. Nothing drops panties like name recognition and a guitar.
These pics of Victoria’s Secret model Kate Upton haven’t yet been photoshopped and airbrushed beyond recognition, so you can clearly make out the silicone inserts wedged in the front of her brassiere (click header image for closeup). Which means… Kate Upton totally stuffs her bra! Ha ha ha! If only this were 7th grade and she was still in her awkward phase. I’d so be pwning her right now.
You don’t usually see tits like these unless they’re attached to a woman in a loincloth squatting over a bowl of cornmeal and brushing the flies from her eyes. Leave it to Lady Gaga to bring us all the magic of the African bush without any of the malaria or mass ethnic cleansing that tends to plague the real Motherland experience.
At Best Buy in NYC yesterday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue’s Rookie of the Year and the new T&A of Guess Kate Upton is now the face of lingerie giant Bare Necessities. I use the term “lingerie giant” literally, in that the panties themselves are giant, and “the face” because her face is the only part of her not covered up with hideous beige floral print. These are the sort of underpinnings you might wear when you want to discreetly hide your adult diaper beneath your elastic waistband pantsuit or if you find physical intimacy uncomfortable due to your prolapsed uterus, not when you’re a hot 19-year old swimsuit model.
I don’t know much about Adidas’ new “All Adidas” line, other than it appears to be the collaborative efforts of a six-year old girl, the year 1967, and My Little Pony’s Twilight Sparkle. The only way you’d ever see me in that shit is if it granted the power of invisibility.
Katy Perry for All Adidas screen caps here; way-too-long commercial after the jump:
