People Magazine named “Hangover” star Bradley Cooper this year’s Sexiest Man Alive, saying:

There’s more to 2011′s Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper than dazzling baby blues and a killer smile.

This Georgetown grad can whip up dinner, take you for a spin on his motorcycle and whisper sweet nothings in French (he’s fluent!). Just don’t try convincing him what a catch he is.

They don’t mention it anywhere in the article, but I bet he won Most Eligible Beard Magnet, too. That dude couldn’t be more gay if he represented the Lollipop Guild.

At “The Hangover II” premiere earlier this year:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

In what sadly is not the first of many boring non-stories today, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lopez let it leak that they are officially “casually dating.” Which in turn finds us officially not giving a shit. TMZ says:

The two went on a dinner date in New York City last month. They had not been spotted out again until yesterday — when a photo surfaced of Bradley Cooper driving an SUV and a woman who certainly looked like JLo … covering her face in the passenger seat.

According to our sources, the woman in the photo is definitely JLo. Our sources say “they are definitely dating.”

I have lint in my dryer that’s more interesting than this crap. And I have a an uncle who wears daisy duke cutoffs and waxes his bikini line who’s less gay than Bradley Cooper. They really should have made this a story about me so we didn’t die of sheer boredom.

Bradley Cooper was spotted canoodling with the luscious Olivia Wilde at “The Hangover 2″ premiere party at the Standard Hotel this weekend (for what is meant by the term “canoodling,” please see Life & Style’s photos of them here). According to Page Six:

Handsome Cooper, who split with Renée Zellweger in March after less than two years, stayed close all night to “TRON: Legacy” star Wilde [all night].

Cooper and Wilde were [also] inseparable at Monday night’s Bing-sponsored Cinema Society party, sitting next to each other in a VIP booth, and later headed to the rooftop of the Standard. They left together just before 1 a.m.

Before Olivia, Bradley dated Renee Zellweger, so you could say this is definitely a step in the right direction for him. Much like you could say driving a Lamborghini Reventon is a step in the right direction from being pedaled around in the baby seat of a rusted-out ten-speed with two flat tires and no brakes. Quit while you’re ahead, Bradley, because it’s only downhill from here.

Olivia in the June issue of GQ:

After two years together, Renee Zellweger and Hangover star Bradley Cooper have split up. Star Magazine says:

Bradley was sneaking around behind Renée’s back with Hollywood hotties Sandra Bullock and Jessica Biel — and there are photos to prove it! One of the pictures shows the actor leaving a hotel minutes apart from one of the beauties and an eyewitness [said] they looked “flustered and unkempt.”

Reps for the couple didn’t comment, but an insider [says], “Bradley has been looking for a way out of this relationship for months.”

I honestly thought that dude was gay. He looks like something out of an International Male catalog, and Renee Zellweger looks like a rangy old chicken whose feathers have all been ripped out. I’d sooner have sex with a thorn bush full of cobras.

Thorn bush is looking pretty good about now, isn’t it:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

“The Hangover” star Bradley Cooper is Hollywood’s newest golden boy. Well, at least the top half of him is. The Daily Mail says

The 35-year-old appeared to be suffering from a fake tan malfunction, with only about 2/3rds of his face appearing bronzed.

The skin under his chin stubble was his normal colour.

Clearly hoping not to look too pale under the bright lights of the cameras, it appeared Cooper had been rather heavy-handed when applying his fake tan.

But perhaps Cooper didn’t want to put the products on his three days worth of facial hair.

While Cooper had clearly made an effort with his dapper grey suit, his smart appearance was overshadowed by his two-tone face.

Oh, he shouldn’t feel too bad about it. It’s exactly how Samantha Ronson looked all throughout her relationship with Lindsay Lohan. You don’t chow down on the Lilo cooter without a little getting a little Sevin Nyne on your 69! Woo! High five!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online, Pacific Coast News

When Bradley Cooper was a little boy, he dreamed of becoming a plumber.  Tragically, he was forced to grow up and face the cold, hard reality of being a world famous actor, and now a little bit of plumber’s crack is all he has left of his abandoned childhood fantasies.  It’s sad how dreams die.

Taking his dog for a walk and then crating him up at girlfriend Renee Zellwegger’s house:

Surprise, surprise — Renee Zellweger’s getting dumped for the 384th time. A record only ever previously held by Jennifer Aniston! The Daily Mail says

["Hangover" star Bradley Cooper] has told the unlucky-in-love actress he isn’t ready to give up life as a bachelor.

“Bradley is enjoying his status as a hot successful star and doesn’t want to settle,” says an LA mole. “He’s told Renee he wants space – but at the same time he’s started getting flirty with [Hollywood producer] Holly Wiersma.”

Cooper, 34, and 40-year-old Zellweger grew close after holidaying in Vancouver and Barcelona. Pals say Zellweger is distraught.

Of course he’s breaking up with her. Geez. Have you seen Renee Zellweger? I wouldn’t fuck that squinty-faced goblin with a bag of a hundred dicks. And let’s be honest, if I had actually had a bag of a hundred dicks, I sure as hell wouldn’t go around chasing down Renee Zellweger. I’d be at home, gift-wrapping it for your mom. Zing!

Going their separate ways at LAX:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin