In the hopes of IDing the perpetrators, surveillance footage of the three men who broke into Lindsay Lohan’s home last weekend has now been made available to the public. Boy, it must have been weird for Lindsay to actually see them in the act. I can’t imagine anything creepier than watching a video of some stranger violating the sanctity of your home. Unless it’s a video of your mom violating the sanctity your father with a strap-on while wearing a rubber diaper and crying. God, if only I’d had the foresight not to rewind.
A wall safe and a couple of watches were stolen when three men broke into Lindsay Lohan’s house over the weekend, but you didn’t think there was actually money or jewelery in the safe, did you? Ha ha, of course not! It’s Lindsay Lohan! We all know she hasn’t gotten paid in months. According to the Chicago Sun-Times
The real reason Lindsay Lohan is so upset about the theft of the safe from her L.A. house is the contents included some very incriminating videos and photos, plus legal documents, that LiLo believes could cause embarrassment if made public.
The shit’s about to hit the fan, and what Lindsay needs now more than ever is a real mother. That leathery old bag she’s got flapping around her when the cameras are rolling doesn’t count. She needs somebody without an agenda. Someone to pick her up when she falls face-first on a penis. Someone with direction and compassion. Someone who’s proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have what it takes to care for other people. And I don’t like to brag, but I’ve proven that to Child Protective Services like three times in the last year and a half. Call me, Linz!
UPDATE: Lindsay just kinda confirmed this, tweeting “i know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren’t taken… just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me.” Read: nekkid pictures.
