Brooke Mueller hasn’t been seen or heard from in the last 24 hours, except for the times when she hit up her friends for clean piss and tried to pawn a stereo and one of ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s old watches for cash. Clearly, she’s well on her way to winning. Radar Online says:

It started with frantic calls to friends for drug-free urine, continued with a failed attempt to hock an expensive watch in a sleazy Inglewood pawn shop — and it ended with friends believing Mueller is hitting rock bottom.

Mueller is believed to have attempted to pawn one of Sheen’s expensive time pieces – even though she gets $55,000 a month from the former Two and a Half Men actor.

[No one has been able to reach her since] Wednesday… [when she] missed a red carpet event in Hollywood.

“Brooke seems depressed,” the friend said. “We’re worried for her safety.”

There are exactly three places you can find yourself that will guarantee your life is in the shitter: 1) the back of a cop car; 2) onstage at a strip club; or 3) a pawn shop. I have a feeling Brooke will have hit all three by the time I’m done posting this. Hat trick, baby!

Lunching with Paris Hilton (okay, so maybe there’s four):

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

“Hairy Angel” Susan Boyle was admitted to Priory clinic in London yesterday for an “emotional breakdown” after losing Britain’s Got Talent to dance troop Diversity on Saturday. According to The Sun

The 48-year-old virgin… was rushed to the private clinic suffering from exhaustion.

Show aides had contacted police to say she was acting strangely at her London hotel. Paramedics helped the “spaced-out” star through the lobby and into an ambulance just after 6pm.

A Britain’s Got Talent spokeswoman said: “Following Saturday’s show, Susan is exhausted and emotionally drained. We offer her our ongoing support and wish her a speedy recovery.”

What could have left her so “exhausted” and “emotionally drained,” you ask?

Earlier, she had launched into a furious four-letter outburst when told her glittering stage costume had failed to arrive just 15 minutes before she was due to appear on stage… [and] sank into the arms of producers before starting to cry.

For the record, she wasn’t bleeding to death after a forced female circumcision or being marched at gunpoint into a mass grave; her sparkly dress was a little late for the singing show. If beating old people wasn’t such a cultural taboo, I’d give her a “dream to dream” with the back side of a tire iron.

The winners being announced on the show’s finale after the jump

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