There’s been much speculation that squeaky-clean country star Taylor Swift got her boobs done after photos of her looking decidedly bustier (before pic for comparison) surfaced online last week. See, this is exactly why I don’t wear low-cut dresses. Or ever go outside. People are always trying to take pictures of your tits and put them on the internet. Plus, with their infinitely superior technology, it’s almost impossible to distinguish the alien cyborgs from the real humans anymore.

There was something different about 32-year-old Rosario Dawson at the 98th Annual White House Correspondents Association dinner this weekend, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Mostly because putting a finger on it would have violated the restraining order and ergo the terms of my probation, and God knows I can’t afford another strike. It’s not like I live in Los Angeles or have the last name “Lohan.” Radar Online’s plastic surgeon-on-tap Dr. Anthony Youn says:

“Comicon hottie Rosario Dawson appears to have grown super heroine-sized breasts. Her chest size looks like it’s gone from a B to a D, likely from a set of large breast implants…. if her surgery was recent, it’s possible her breasts will settle down a bit.”

Any doctor who prefaces his professional medical opinion with the words “Comicon hottie” deserves to be taken out back and flogged with his own medical degree. I just assume it’s printed on bamboo and held together with clay and twine and other equally valuable third-world-island commodities gathered near his alma mater.

Lady Gaga is all ready to put the cherry on her plastic parfait. That sounds a whole lot more disgusting than it needed to. Nine MSN says:

The kooky popster reportedly got envious of a waitresses’ fake boobs and wanted to a buy a pair of her own.

“I love your boobs! Are they real?” Gaga asked the waitress. “I really want to get implants too, I love false boobs.”

Gaga was apparently out to lunch with her lover Luc Carl.

“I’m not sure how Luc would feel about me getting my boobs made bigger,” she reportedly told the waitress. “He’s into real boobs, so that’s why he adores me so much.”

Yes, if there’s one reason to love Lady Gaga, it’s those spectacular real boobs up there. It’s not everyday God sculpts a flat tire filled with pudding and tries to pass it off as a breast. Better luck next time, Jesus!

The internet’s all a-twitter with rumors that former Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin got a secret breast augmentation. The NY Daily News says:

Did Sarah Palin get breast implants?

Her appearance at last weekend’s Belmont Stakes sparked the debate, as photos seem to show Palin a tad inflated.

Or as Wonkette delicately put it: “Sarah Palin sure looks like she was trotting out some new work at the horse races.”

Finally, someone being brave enough to push a platform that unites both political parties across the board — boobs. If she can find a way to be carried in by bald eagles that gently place her on Lady Liberty’s crown, no one else would even bother running for President in 2012.

And now for someone who’s under 40 and doesn’t have breast implants, Miranda Kerr:

Jaime Pressly might not have a job anymore, but she does have a new pair of tits. Just as good in my book! Us Magazine says

Jaime Pressly got a boob job “a couple of weeks ago,” a source [revealed].

“They look amazing!” the insider says of the former My Name Is Earl star, 32, who was also rumored to have had a breast augmentation in 2004.

I guess the first boob job didn’t take. Well, sometimes you have to do things a second time to get them done right. Like kids, for example. The first one is just your practice one. Everybody knows that. Child Protective Services always tries to act like they’ve never heard the term “mulligan” before.

In a bikini last year:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Kate Hudson officially debuted the brand-new girls at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival on Sunday (photo right). Just squint and tilt your monitor to the left a little and you’ll see them. Maybe. Us Magazine says

Kate Hudson made her first public appearance since an insider [revealed] that the actress, 31, underwent a small breast augmentation in late March.

Hudson must have appreciated the fact that her chest looked fuller at the outside music celebration.

A source recently [said]: “Kate makes jokes about her boobs, but her chest has always been one of her biggest insecurities.”

Hell, I didn’t know they made breast implants that small. I’ve had bruises with that were bigger than those tits. Talk about a completely useless endeavor! It’s like putting a spoiler on your ’87 Plymouth Sundance or teaching English to a Mexican. You don’t need to hablo ingles to edge the damn lawn, Raul!

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

If you ever wondered what Gollum might look like as a post-op transsexual in a cheap wig, wonder no more. I bet Benjamin Button’s head looked just like Tori Spelling’s left tit when he first started to crown.

In Mordor Palm Springs with her kids and husband this weekend:

If you had any doubts that Blake Lively got breast implants, you can put them to rest now. If her tits were any further apart they’d need separate zip codes.

CW11 Upfronts at Madison Square Garden: