There was something different about 32-year-old Rosario Dawson at the 98th Annual White House Correspondents Association dinner this weekend, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Mostly because putting a finger on it would have violated the restraining order and ergo the terms of my probation, and God knows I can’t afford another strike. It’s not like I live in Los Angeles or have the last name “Lohan.” Radar Online’s plastic surgeon-on-tap Dr. Anthony Youn says:

“Comicon hottie Rosario Dawson appears to have grown super heroine-sized breasts. Her chest size looks like it’s gone from a B to a D, likely from a set of large breast implants…. if her surgery was recent, it’s possible her breasts will settle down a bit.”

Any doctor who prefaces his professional medical opinion with the words “Comicon hottie” deserves to be taken out back and flogged with his own medical degree. I just assume it’s printed on bamboo and held together with clay and twine and other equally valuable third-world-island commodities gathered near his alma mater.

There are times when fitness model Jennifer Nicole Lee looks really super smokin’ hot. This is not one of those times, my friends. She looks like some kinda she-male Elizabeth Berkley impersonator. If it weren’t for the nipples, I wouldn’t have even posted them at all.

Attempting a deck change in Miami:

There’s only one reason for back-to-back Jersey Shore posts, and that reason is because I hate you. At least this post has more than just one boob in it.

I don’t know what this “Chinawhite” in London is that Ice-T and his dulcet bride Nicole “Coco” Austin visited, but I do know that they should change it to “Chinadischargeyellow” after she’s been there. You know that with her wardrobe made entirely of spandex, she’s gotta be baking a sourdough loaf down below.

Tila Tequila was hospitalized last week following a nearly-fatal brain aneurysm, but somehow the aneurysm didn’t kill her. Neither did the two bottles of prescription drugs she chowed down on in the moments after her aneurysm or the jump she attempted to make out of her bedroom window, leading me to believe that Tila Tequila is either a wizard or part cockroach. They can survive for three weeks without a head, you know. Radar Online says:

According to the source, Tila suffered a brain aneurysm in the middle of the night, which caused her to think irrationally. Due to the pain, she took two bottles of unspecified heavy prescription drugs.

“Tila threw up all over her bed after overdosing and felt like she was dying. She was screaming for help, and in desperation, broke her bedroom window and attempted to jump out,” the source said.

“Finally a friend came over after getting a strange text from her and found her convulsing on the bed. He called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital.”

Tila was hospitalized just in time to stabilize her and she was under intensive care all week.

“It’s sad to think she may have some permanent brain damage,” the source said.

“She still can’t fully speak properly.”

Note that they said she MAY have brain damage, which is just a nice way of saying “Given how fucking stupid she was before, it’s virtually impossible for us to tell.” I’m sure they attempted to give her a number of cognitive tests that all ended with her mounting the leg of the test-giver and spanking herself with the flashcards.

After observing it in its natural habitat, I think it’s clear the Courtney Stodden is color-blind. Her vision must be based entirely around the movement of a camera, like a really slutty T-Rex.

Nothing says class like lyrca, latex and feather boas:

Megan Fox isn’t posing for a photo shoot — this is just how she looks when she’s casually sitting on the beach. Bitch. I bet she doesn’t even sit down to use the fucking toilet. She probably pirouettes into the bathroom where a waiting flock of songbirds flies in to hold her aloft over the bowl so she doesn’t have to touch the seat with her bare behind. That’s assuming she even goes to the bathroom at all.

In Hawaii with husband Brian Austin Green:

There’s something different about Cameron Diaz when comparing these photos of her in Hawaii two weeks ago (left) and photos of her last year (right), and it’s not just the hair. The Daily Mail says:

The Charlie’s Angels star, 39, was spotted on the beach in Hawaii over the holidays looking rather shapely, prompting rumors she’s gone under the knife.

The actress is said to have had implants to boost her chest by a cup size.

Cameron has previously said she’d prefer a more curvy figure, telling Marie Claire in 2009: ‘I’d love to be more voluptuous. It’s just not my body type.”

You know that expression “useless as tits on a boar?” Well, this is a close second.

Country music icon Dolly Parton graced the red carpet at the premiere of her new movie with Queen Latifah, “Joyful Noise,” a flick that promises to have plenty of oh-no-she-di-int sassiness and various odd couple/fish-out-of-water hijinx. And after all these years, Dolly Parton’s still got it. “It” of course being “a face that made my three-year old nephew turn his head and say, ‘Make that scary lady go away.’” True fucking story. Kids and dogs, man. They know when something’s not right.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

If someone had told me that there were busty girls in string bikinis jumping up and down and spreading their legs in Bochee Ball, I might have actually played it, instead of just yelling that it was a game for faggots and urinating on the green. In hindsight, that may have been a tad premature.

LeAnn Rimes playing Bochee Ball/aerial jumping jacks in Hawaii (10 more pics after the jump):

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Nothing ruins a good bikini picture like a stupid baby. It makes masturbating take twice as long, and as you well know, I don’t have that kind of time. Not while the ancient flowers in the Larunya Mines in Zelda Skyward Sword still beckon.

LeAnn Rimes in Hawaii over the weekend:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Yesterday I said that Leann Rimes’ ass was all flat and sad and Caucasoid, and then today I see these pictures of her in a different bikini. Look, I’m not one to mince words, and I’m not one who won’t own up to mistakes. I was wrong about Leann Rimes’ ass. Plain and simple. It’s just all part of the learning process. Mistakes are how we grow. I know it will take a while for you to trust me again, but with time and healing, I think we can make our way through this.

Leann Rimes and her very not-sad not-flat technically-Caucasoid-but-not-in-the-way-I-meant-it ass in Hawaii

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures