It’s like my mom always said — subtlety is for pussies. That’s why you should always remove your g-string using only the heel of your lucite platforms and take lots of bird’s-eye pictures of your own tits and post them on the internet. Coco: because waving a red flag in front of your vagina is just a little too cerebral!

Amy Winehouse had her new tits on full display as she left the Hawley Arms in Camden last night — but there’s gonna be more where that came from. The Daily Mail says

Amy Winehouse spent £35,000 on a breast enlargement [and] boosted her bust from a 32B to a 32D, but she’s is now said to be hooked on surgery and planning another breast enlargement and even bum implants.

‘Amy loves her boobs,’ a source [said]. ‘She thinks by having another operation and bum implants that she will achieve her dream pin-up look.’

You’ve heard that expression “useless as tits on a boar?” What about “polishing a turd” or “lipstick on a pig?” I’d say all three apply here. Double for that turd one.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Today has been unbelievably boring, I know. I was actually starting to feel a little… bad about it. But then I remembered I had still had half a bottle of tequila under the driver’s seat of the Yugo. Problem solved! So shut up and enjoy Kate Moss‘ nipples, crybabies.

All nips at the Yves St Laurent fashion show afterparty:

PHOTO CREDIT: Bauer-Griffin Online

Keira Knightley’s latest ad campaign for Chanel’s Coco Mademoiselle has been unveiled, and the boob they use in the photo (right) does not belong to Keira Knightley (left). I know for a fact that’s not what her tits look like. And not just because I look through her window with a high-powered infrared telescope from a park a mile due south of her flat, either. That’s just a lucky coincidence. Like they say, the proof is in the pudding!*

_{* Which I also know for a fact she doesn’t eat, thanks to my handy telescope.}

Rachel McAdams wore a cut-to-there dress at the premiere of “The Time Traveler’s Wife” last night. Too bad she couldn’t travel back in time and get an actual pair of boobs. I’ve seen better cleavage on a slab of boromullite! Get it? Boromullite is a mineral that doesn’t even have cleavage! Yep, nothing stings more than a good petrology burn. Plenty more where that came from, baby! Woo!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News