Katy Perry is neither interesting nor talented, wears too much goddamn makeup, and everything she owns looks like it was made from polyester and lycra at 579. So why all the pictures, you ask? Well, two reasons: “because they’re there” and “because I hate you.” No, I’m just kidding. It’s her boobs. C’mon, where did you think I was going with this?

At the Samsung Party at Boulevard 3 Wednesday night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

^{Click images for NSFW versions}

I’m glad PETA has finally seen the light and done something that can actually resonate with the non-psychotic-and-hopelessly-misguided rest of us normal people. We could give a shit about the way the Colonel fries his chicken or how many crepuscular rodents have to die to make one floor-length chinchilla coat, but we really, really care about boobs. In fact, the only thing we seem to care about more than boobs are vaginas. 260 million pages of archived erotic content can’t be wrong!

Keely from the back:

It’s a sad state of affairs when these nude pictures of Shannan Click are the most exciting thing that’s happened all day. Just who the hell is Shannan Click, you ask? Well, she’s a Victoria’s Secret model, and, um… let’s see…. she’s naked, so there’s that. Also boobs. Plenty-o-boobage here. Four out of five men surveyed agreed that’s all you ever really need to know.

Most of these are NSFW:

Chloe Sevigny had the girls on full display at the launch party for Prada’s new book over the weekend, but for the love of God, you’d think she would have picked better lingerie for the occasion. What she’s wearing looks llike a cross between a nursing bra and an old gym sock. I’ve seen sexier lingerie hanging over the rail of my grandmother’s shower.

Arriving at Prada’s Beverly Hills boutique:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Ten years after his other famous-people-naked book “A Private View” was published, reknown photographer Sante D’Orazio has published a followup entitled “Barely Private,” which, as the title suggests, is mostly pictures of celebrities baring their privates. Like Eva Mendes here with her nipple hanging out (click header image for NSFW above) and showing off visible bush in a pair of see-through panties (click image for possibly NSFW below). Sold and sold! Amazon.com says

Sante D’Orazio returns with a second volume of photo-diary-scrapbook, covering 1997 to 2008. Uncensored and provocative, D’Orazio [photographed] celebrities, models, musicians, actors and artists in various states of undress.

Included are Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Diane Kruger, Tricia Helfer, Stephanie Seymour, Liz Hurley, Jay-Z, Mickey Rourke, Angelina Jolie, Christina Aguilera, Pam Anderson, Keith Richards, Axl Rose, Damien Hirst, Julian Schnabel and many more.

Finally, something appropriately named! So many books and movies nowadays have such misleading titles. Like an “An American Tail” and “Free Willy,” for starters. Don’t even bother trying to get your money back at Blockbusters, because all they’ll do is laugh and point at you.

This is Daiana Ygropoulou (pronounced “Nice Rack”) in the November ‘09 issue of Greek Nitro Magazine.  I’ve never heard of Dalailama Youngroupooloop or Nitro Magazine, but I didn’t see the point in asking questions and neither should you.

I don’t know why Marisa Miller posted these pictures on her blog, but I also don’t care because her breasts are pretty much the most interesting thing that’s happened all damn day.

Miss California Carrie Prejean was demanding over a million dollars in compensatory damages from pageant officials in a lawsuit last month — that is, until Pageant attorneys showed Carrie they were in possession of her sex tape. According to TMZ

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let’s just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

We’re told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away. She pocketed nothing in the settlement.

So when it happens to David Letterman, it’s extortion that merits FBI intervention and jail time. When Carrie Prejean is blackmailed out of a million-dollar settlement with a sex tape, it’s just “legal negotiations.” I see. I’ll have to remember that when I show that girl from HR the secret camera-phone footage I took of her on the crapper last week.

Annoyingly censored topless pics before she got the fake titties:

You better not ever, ever make fun of Kate Winslet, or she’ll go and sue you for forty grand and somehow win. The technical legal term for said phenomenon is “crybaby puss.” According to Us Magazine

On Tuesday London’s High Court awarded the actress 25,000 British pounds (about $40,000 in American currency) in libel damages from the Daily Mail [for their] January article entitled “Should Kate Winslet win an Oscar for the world’s most irritating actress?” which she said “hurt and embarrassed” her. [The article also] claimed that Winslet, 34, lied about her exercise routine.

In a statement, Winslet said, “I was particularly upset to be accused of lying about my exercise regime and felt that I had a responsibility to request an apology in order to demonstrate my commitment to the views that I have always expressed about body issues, including diet and exercise. To suggest that I was lying was an unacceptable accusation of hypocrisy.”

Back in grade school, we had the remedy for this sort of tattletale-type behavior. It was called “the purple nurple” and “the swirly.” Too bad she’s no longer bound by the rules of afternoon recess.

Kelly Brook topless in her debut performance in “Calendar Girls,” because we’ve already seen (NSFW) Kate Winslet’s tits, and frankly, (NSFW) they’re disgusting:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Katy Perry put the girls front and center when she showed up a Mika concert in Hollywood on Friday. Speaking of Mika, what’s the hardest part of going to a Mika concert? Telling your parents you’re gay. High five!

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

PHOTO CREDIT: ONEXONE.org

The going rate for a hot lesbian kiss with Charlize Theron? $140,000. The actress auctioned off a trip to South Africa, a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, a safari, World Cup tickets and a chance to lay one on her at a live auction for OneXOne charity last night. Us Magazine says

Theron raised the stakes when bidding [for the South Africa package] stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.

To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000.

After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.

You just don’t see enough hot lesbian action when it comes to combating childhood illnesses. I, for one, am glad to live in a world where and “masturbation” and “acute pediatric lymphoblastic leukemia” can be finally used in the same sentence!

Speaking of charity cases, pics of Lindsay Lohan shopping with her tits hanging out:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Katy Perry was front and center at the Louis Vuitton fashion show in Paris yesterday in this sexy little number. Rowr. Now, don’t speak French, but I think it’s pretty obvious “haute couture” must mean “massive cans.” Everything sounds fancier when you say it in the language of love.