Someone invited Courtney Love to amfAR’s Cinema Against AIDS Gala in Cannes last night, presumably to serve as a visual reminder as to why it is you don’t want AIDS in the first place. She couldn’t have made a more impactful statement if she were staggering around with a syringe in either arm and a transsexual prostitute meth addict impaled in her ass.
As part of her court-ordered 480 hours of community service, Lindsay Lohan attended an orientation at the Downtown Women’s Center in Los Angeles yesterday. She made a point to be sensitive to the homeless and abused women living there by not wearing a bra under her completely see-through shirt, because it’s well-known fact that bras are the number one threat to victimized women today. The media would have you believe it’s poverty or lack of education or Chris Brown, but that’s simply not the case. In fact, the foundation undergarment industry is responsible for more deaths than improperly fitted ax handles, rabies and spontaneous combustion combined.*
*LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Statistics may have sampling error of plus or minus 2 percent, or may have been made up entirely according to the author’s purpose. Restrictions apply; results may vary.
Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr posted this picture of her nursing her new baby Flynn on her Twitter yesterday, and being a huge proponent of the mother-child bonding process that I am, I thought I’d share it with you. And since the stupid baby is hogging all the bonding, I found some pictures of Miranda topless that will allow you to cultivate a primal attachment all your own. Consider it my early Mother’s Day gift to you!
Kate Hudson announced on the Today Show yesterday that she is officially engaged to Matthew Bellamy, lead singer of Radiohead’s skidmarksMuse and father of her yet-unborn (and technically still bastard!) child. Us Magazine says:
Interviewing Hudson (who’s promoting her flick Something Borrowed), Matt Lauer noticed a giant square cut engagement ring on her finger.
Confirming her engagement for the first time, Hudson said, “I haven’t really announced it, I was waiting for someone to notice.”
The Oscar-nominated star said the “very romantic” proposal went down about a week ago in NYC.
It will be the second marriage for Hudson, who divorced the Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson in 2006 after nearly six years.
So she’s engaged. In slightly more interesting news, she’s also topless. I say “slightly more interesting” because it was in a movie ten years ago and she has the breasts of a pudgy ten-year old Filipino boy. I should know. The one I keep locked in the basement isn’t allowed to wear a shirt.
It’s times like these that words just don’t suffice, so you should probably just make a forceful suckling noise while closing your eyes and air-honking an imaginary pair of breasts until the girl in the cubicle next to you complains. It’s what I’ve been doing it for the last thirty minutes.
SI swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker for Mark Squires:
Kate Bosworth was totally topless in Mexico this weekend, yet somehow her actual boobs managed to elude anyone with a camera. It’s baffling. I’ve seen ninjas that weren’t that quick. What? Yes, I’ve seen ninjas. This one time with my cousin. Did so. You weren’t there, so you don’t know. Oh, really? Well, now I’m putting my hands over my ears and humming the national anthem really loud so I can’t ever hear what you’re saying. Jerk.
Helen Mirren’s magnificent sexagenarian titties got their own skit on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live (video below), and while you may have seen her in a bikini and topless in the tub, you haven’t experienced the wonder that is her bosom unless you’ve grappled them for yourself. Only then can you truly bask in all their splendor and glory. But don’t think this gives you free license to grope any senior citizen you see. The ladies in my grandma’s bridge club wasn’t nearly as cool about it as Helen was.
The best thing about these pictures of Lady Gaga in i-D Magazine’s Exhibitionist issue is that it kinda looks like she has a black eye on the cover. If you time the opening of your laptop just right while jabbing with your fist, you can pretend you’re the one that gave it to her. Lemonade out of lemons, baby!
My dad said you should never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose, as evidenced by this topless photo of Kathy Griffin. He also told me strangers have the best candy. Okay, maybe he wasn’t so much my “dad” as he was “a man who hung out at the park in an unmarked van,” but I think life lessons like those really transcend traditional labels.
DISCLAIMER: You have no one to blame but yourself if you open these:
Emmy Rossum is only moderately attractive on a good day, and by “on a good day” I mean “with her shirt off.” She has those bulgy Billy Joel eyes and this weird underbite thing going on with her smile. Fortunately, she seems to have a pretty good handle on where her true talents lie.
NSFW screen caps from the last episode of Shameless:
These pics of Olivia Wilde in Max Magazine might have recycled from the September 2008 issue of GQ magazine, but that doesn’t mean they’re not worth revisiting. We here at Yeeeah! are all about conservation. Especially when there’s nipples involved. In fact, the only reason I haven’t already joined Green Peace is because they won’t let me take my shirt off. That’s why blogging was the obvious career choice for me.
