Nov 2, 2010
Because there just wasn’t enough genital herpes in her life, Miley Cyrus’ mother Tish threw away 17 years of marriage to have an affair with rocker Bret Michaels. And by default every whore on Rock of Love Bus before her. Every rose has its unbearable rash, right? Us Magazine says:
Michaels, 47, “became close to the entire family” this past February when he and Miley released the racy duet “Nothing to Lose.” He and Tish, 43, soon began carrying on an on-the-sly romance.
When Billy Ray learned of [the affair] – as well as at least one other fling – he filed for divorce Oct. 27.
Tish was seen at Michaels’ Feb. 28 show at the Key Club in L.A., and he had once asked her production company’s help to adapt his book, Roses & Thorns, into a movie.
“Billy Ray was completely unaware of what was going on,” the source says of the “Achy Breaky Heart” crooner.
I don’t wanna call bullshit, but I’m pretty sure I already saw this Hee-Haw. All that’s missing is the part where Minnie Pearl pops up out of a corn field and yells “How-deee!” and somebody sounds a banjo.
See-through screencaps of Miley in Rock Mafia’s new video The Big Big Bang:
May 5, 2010
It looks like your candlelight vigils and ceaseless prayers paid off — Bret Michaels has been released from the hospital following a massive brain hemorrhage late last month. Please hold your disappointed groans applause until the end. TMZ says
During a news conference [late yesterday afternoon], Bret’s [doctor] said the singer was no longer in critical condition and has recently been released from the Barrow Neurological Institute at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Phoenix.
Bret has been moved to a new undisclosed location to continue his recovery.
Dr. Zabramski said a medical team is still monitoring Bret’s condition very closely — and noted the singer is “very lucky” to be recovering so well.
I’ve heard it said that only cockroaches could withstand a nuclear holocaust, but I’d like to see one of them survive crawling inside the cooters of all 23 girls on Rock of Love Bus. Science says it can’t be done, yet here Bret stands. Cockroaches, consider yourself owned.
Apr 28, 2010
Bret Michaels’ reps says that the aging hair band frontman suffered a “setback” in his recovery from a brain hemorrhage last week. According to TMZ
Test results show Bret is experiencing hyponatremia, a side effect from the subarachnoid hemorrhage which is caused by a lack of sodium in the body that often [leads] to seizures.
But despite the setback, doctors are still hopeful Bret will gradually improve, “as the blood surrounding the brain dissolves and is reabsorbed into his system, which can be a very painful recovery and take several weeks to months.”
Bret’s reps also report that the rocker “remains under 24-hour observation in the ICU and is in positive spirits. He is responding well to tests and treatments.”
Impotence can be an unfortunate side effect from any type of brain injury, but as long as it doesn’t affect his eyelining hand or his rodent-like ability to sniff out day-shift strippers, he should still be fine. Those girls aren’t really looking for an erection as much as they are someone to turn them on their side so they don’t choke to death on their own vomit and occasionally bail them out of jail. Call me, Bret!
Scarlett Johansson in French Glamour, because so far this post is all thorn and no rose:
Apr 23, 2010
Poison frontman Bret Michaels is currently in intensive care after suffering a massive brain hemorrhage late last night. According to People Magazine,
Bret Michaels’ health has taken a turn for the worse: after an excruciating headache late Thursday night, the star was rushed to an undisclosed hospital where doctors discovered he suffered a massive subarachnoid hemorrhage (bleeding at the base of his brain stem).
Michaels, 47, is currently in critical condition. “[Doctors] decided to keep Michaels in the ICU and are running several tests to determine the cause. [It] will be touch and go for the next few days while he is under intense observation,” the source says.
There is no word yet whether this new development is related to the rocker’s recent appendectomy or to his diabetes.
This is usually where I’d say something like “I always thought it’d be complications from gonorrhea” or “consider it divine retribution for ‘Rock of Love Bus,’” but somehow that just doesn’t feel right. I’ll remind you all that “every night has its dawn” and leave it at that. Unskinny bop, man. Nothin’ more to say.
In New York last month:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
Apr 13, 2009
Wanna know who the big winner of “Rock of Love Bus” is? Oh, come on — don’t act like you don’t watch it. According to LA Late
The third [installment of the] “Rock Of” series was down to Mindy and Taya — [and] the winner of Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels is Taya Laurie Parker!
Taya Parker has a huge resume. She’s been in the January 2008 issue of Penthouse magazine, Penthouse Pet Of The Year for 2009; she was 2007’s Exotic Dancer of the Year; she’s been on Playboy.com, Playboy Girls, Playboy’s Busty Babes, and several other versions of the Playboy brand.
The series was confirmed in December as the final Rock Of special. So if this one isn’t love, then no more chances.
And if the whole “Bret Michael’s future wife thing” doesn’t work out, Taya Parker can always carve out her name in the anals annals of genetics research as the missing link between (NSFW) human and simian genitalia.
Honing her craft in various LSFW Penthouse spreads here; all the NSFW beefy vagina you can stomach after the jump.
(more…)
