Brace yourself for the crazy: Britney Spears has gone brunette again. The Daily Mail says
Britney’s ever-changing hair has long been used as a barometer of her internal mood.
At the top of her game it was long, blonde and glossy - at her lowest it was shorn to reveal her bald scalp.
So, as she stepped out with rumored fiancé Jason Trawick [and a huge sparkling diamond on her ring finger], her newly brunette hair was bound to raise eyebrows.
You know, because dyeing her hair and marrying a member of her entourage worked out so well before. I guess some people just can’t bear to leave the familiar comfort of the previously-trodden path. Even if that path is actually a downward spiral into the gaping maw of public shame and humiliation. 2007, anyone?
Britney Spears might have cleaned up her act, but don’t expect her to wipe or wear a tampon anytime soon. According to Page Six
The pop tart took time off from her “Circus” tour to do an Elle magazine shoot, our spy says, and it was a disaster. “They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes — and, well, let’s just say she forgot what time of the month it was. It wasn’t pretty.”
God, this bitch is disgusting. I bet it’d take a goddamn potato peeler to get her stank off your genitals.
Rihanna in Kanye West’s new video because she won’t make you think about uterine sloughing:
It doesn’t seem that long ago that looking at pictures of Britney Spears in a bikini required the intestinal fortitude of goat. I have to say, court-imposed sanity has really done wonders for her figure!
Britney Spears’ Circus Tour performance in Connecticut over the weekend was a big ol’ hot mess — first, she wiped out during “Get Naked,” and then she was charged onstage by a drunken fan during “Womanizer” (FF to the 2:18 mark) The Daily Mail says
The singer’s security and back-up dancers had to drag fan Kyle King away after he charged on at the show in Connecticut on Saturday night.
Shocked Britney was belting out her encore performance of Womanizer when King, 20, ran towards her and tried to dance with her. Fans at the gig say she looked ‘extremely spooked’ after the reveler was hauled away.
Britney Spears was frightened by a crazy person? How ironic. That’s like being scared of your shadow or your reflection in the mirror. Crazy is as crazy does, Britney!
UPDATE: Crazy fan explains his attack after the jump
And speaking of crazy, here’s Amy Winehouse fighting invisible ninjas:
Britney Spears was strutting her stuff at her Circus Tour concert in Anaheim, California when her tampon string worked its way out (17 second mark) and flopped around as she gyrated in a male dancer’s face. Now, before a bunch of sacred feminine moon maidens get their organic hemp panties in a twist and start calling me a misogynist, I get that having a period is a normal, natural event. But so are “taking a dump” and “delivering the afterbirth.” Doesn’t mean I want to fucking see it. Gross.
First there were rumors that Britney Spears was getting it on with one of her tour backup dancers named Geo, and then she was supposedly boning another backup dancer, 21-year-old Chase Benz, and then there were claims that she was bumpin’ uglies with Kevin Federline, but this one has to take the cake — Britney is reportedly engaged to be married to real estate developer John Sundahl. NY Daily News says
40-year-old Sundahl met the pop princess in rehab in 2007 during Britney’s bald days and has held a torch for her ever since.
[His] personal pilot told us: “Britney and John used to date, but they reconnected after her show in New Jersey, and now they’re engaged. He got down on one knee in a Subway sandwich shop in Santa Monica a week ago and proposed with a $4.5 million marquise-cut diamond. They plan on getting married at his aunt’s farm in Germany in six weeks. It’s very hush-hush, even to the employees. He’s even putting a $350K fence around the property.”
Sundahl - who’s so wealthy that he’s currently staying at his parents’ house in Woodland Hills, California, [said], “Britney doesn’t want to do anything until the tour is over. She wants press for her tour and not for an engagement.”
Living with his folks and proposing in a fast food joint, huh? Yep, that sounds about right. The only part of the story that isn’t believable is the bit where they were eating at Subway. Anyone with half a brain knows Britney Spears wouldn’t be within a ten-mile radius of a restaurant that doesn’t serve french fries and Quarter Pounders. You might as well have told me he proposed at at Mensa meeting or inside the lost city of Atlantis.
More of bikini Britney in Miami with the kids last month:
Holy shit, you guys. My beloved Lily Allen might be quitting music! From MTV UK:
Lily Allen has announced that her current tour could be her last after revealing that she might be retiring from music.
The singer, 23, told The London Lite: “I am definitely considering quitting music.”
Lily, whose latest album It’s Not Me, It’s You stormed the UK charts also revealed that she has a few new ideas for future ventures:
“After this album and tour I have a brand new business I am setting up, but I can’t say what it is yet.”
She is also rumoured to be opening up a fancy dress shop with her brother Alfie’s fiancée, Dead Set actress Jamie Winstone.
This makes me a sad panda. Unless… does this “fancy dress shop” involve costumes? I love it when costumes happen! Actually, Lily can pretty much do whatever she wants and my love for her will survive, so long as she doesn’t go gently into that good night. What the hell would Cutewatch ‘09 be without fair Lily? Am I supposed to embark on a fictional platonic love affair with the likes of Britney Spears? Fuck that noise. That bitch is crazy!
[Header image is courtesy of Twitpic and shows Lily on a rooftop pool in San Diego yesterday before the kickoff of her US tour].
It looks like we won’t be rid of K-Fed anytime soon, people. He’s like the turd that won’t flush away. He’s going to be rapping about his personal problems with fellow bowlmate, Britney Spears, in a new rap album. Digital Spy reports,
The 31-year-old, who split from Spears in 2006, is currently collaborating with hip-hop group Bones Thugs-N-Harmony on a follow-up to his debut LP Playing With Fire.
Speaking to HipHopDx, group member Krayzie Bone said: “People gon’ say I’m crazy, man but to my surprise the stuff that he let me hear, it was pretty decent…like really deep.
“He was talking about his life. He was actually telling his side of the story [of the split] in a more mature, adult kind of way, opposed to just being on the record saying ‘F**k Britney.’”
The rapper added: “He told me that he didn’t get a chance to really put out the music he wanted to [with his first album], and he made mistakes in putting out the music that he did - you know, by putting out the club stuff.”
Playing With Fire, released in 2006, was widely panned by critics, entering the US chart at number 151.
Whew, it sure is a relief that “PopoZao” wasn’t his idea. I’ve found that watching the video acts as a natural laxative. Haven’t had your morning dump? “PopoZao” is here to help!
Kevin Federline isn’t just looking after the kiddies while Britney tours — he’s also working that Federline magic on ol’ Brit-Brit again. According to Star Magazine
The family friend reveals there’s been “some kissing. It started when they agreed that Kevin would take the boys on tour. They’ve shared a lot of flirty moments. The truth is, they’re falling in love again.
Kevin has actually been gushing to his mom that being with Britney now reminds him of when they first fell in love in 2004.
Funny, I was just going to say he reminds me of Britney a few years back, too. But not Britney in 2004. More like Britney about a year ago. I bet you can actually hear the cholesterol accumulating in his arteries over the din of his constant chewing.
The official music video for Britney Spears’ controversial song “If You Seek Amy” debuted on BritneySpears.com today. It starts off with Britney in a post-orgy room surrounded by ambiguous types in various states of undress. You’ll note the donkey and the submissives in the sex swing are conspicuously absent in the video. To see them in action, you’ll have to actually buy tickets to one of her Circus Tour concerts. I guess a donkey can only take so much direction when it comes to sodomizing on cue for multiple takes.
These pictures hearken back to a simpler time, a nobler time, a time when the words “Britney Spears” and “bikini” didn’t induce nausea and quizzical double-takes that dissolve into fits of laughter or disbelieving grimaces. Unfortunately, I was drunk most of the ’90’s, so I don’t remember those times. Legend says it was glorious.
P.S. Note that once again, her “pussy is hanging out.” Coincidence? Or is it just as the legend foretold?
If you didn’t hit up the pictures the quickies yesterday, Britney Spears exclaimed “My pussy is hanging out!” during her Circus tour performance in Tampa over the weekend. Well, now there’s video. Apparently her mic was actually on, which makes about as much sense as wearing a condom on your big toe. Everybody knows that the only thing faker than Britney Spears’ “singing” is Pamela Anderson’s tits and maybe professional wrestling.
