Britney Spears reportedly stormed off the set of “X Factor” yesterday after a contestant “butchered” one of her songs. I’ll pause here for your perfunctory snorts of disgust. TMZ says:
Britney Spears walked off the set of “X Factor” moments ago … and according to several people in the audience, she was upset after a contestant butchered her song, “Hold It Against Me.”
Britney did not come back immediately … and four contestants auditioned in front of the remaining judges … and an empty seat.
Tell me — how does one “butcher” a Britney Spears song, exactly? You can’t murder that which has already been killed. Science says so.
Shortly after announcing that Britney Spears had signed on to become a judge on X Factor, Fox revealed that former Disney star Demi Lovato would be joining her illustrious ranks as the fourth and final judge for the upcoming season. People magazine says:
Confirmation of their new roles was made Monday at the FOX upfronts in New York City.
“I’m so excited about this whole experience,” Spears, 30, said. “It’s going to be so much fun and so different from anything I’ve ever done. I’m ready to find a true star.”
“I am totally stoked to be here,” Lovato, 19, added. “I’m excited to represent my generation and I’m ready to find the winner.”
I think it’s clear why they went with Demi Lovato. The raw sex appeal. And I of course mean “raw” in the “inner thigh chafing” sense of the word. She’s about to Hulk right out of those pants she’s wearing.
Performing in Buenos Aires two weeks and 73 chalupas ago:
Although countless media outlets reported that Britney Spears had already signed on as the newest judge on “X Factor,” it’s not actually a done deal until Fox officially announces it at the unveiling of their fall lineup on Monday. TMZ says:
Sources connected with Britney tell us… the deal should be signed in the next day or two. The goal is for FOX to make the announcement Monday at the Upfronts in NYC.
The deal will definitely be signed, but not by her. Since she’s under a conservatorship, Jamie Spears and Jason Trawick — the co-conservators — will be the ones to sign.
The contract must be approved by the judge handling the conservatorship, but sources connected with Britney tell us … it has already been pre-approved.
I might have actually watched this if it were the old Britney Spears, the one who shaved herself bald and spoke in a British accent and would take a swing at you with an umbrella if you got too close. It would sure make the whole elimination process a lot more entertaining. As would a trap door over a rancor pit like the one in Jabba’s Palace.
$15 million dollars is a small price to pay for beauty that radiant:
Britney Spears might be giving marriage the old college try with boyfriend Jason Trawick. Third time’s a charm, blah blah blah. Try and act interested, okay? Says Digital Spy,
Speculation that Trawick was planning to pop the question first emerged online this week, when a source claimed that he asked Spears’s father Jamie for permission to propose.
Another source close to the couple has told Us Weekly that Spears accepted Trawick’s marriage proposal during a private meal on Thursday (December 15).
The insider told the website: “This is something they’ve both wanted for a long time. It’s a way to cement their family. They’re both extremely happy and can’t wait to become man and wife.”
Spears has not officially confirmed the engagement, but did tweet on Friday (December 16) that Trawick has given her a very special present.
She tweeted: “OMG. Last night Jason surprised me with the one gift I’ve been waiting for. Can’t wait to show you! SO SO SO excited!!!! Xxo.”
A rep for the ‘Criminal’ singer hasn’t commented on the engagement rumors yet.
Yes, Britney might have a new engagement ring, but it’s also possible that he got her a new set of extensions and a bag of Cheetos. Don’t underestimate the power of bright orange artificially-cheese-flavored snacks and a new weave to get a girl excited.
Polly Parsons (don’t know who she is) mounting some dude in Dubai (don’t know who he is). What, you expect me to do research?
Britney Spears wrapped up her Femme Fatale world tour in Puerto Rico on Saturday with a onstage lap dance for resident Jersey Shore douchenozzle Pauly D. God, I hate that asswipe. Just look at his stupid smarmy face. And the hair. Jesus Christ, the hair. Paint him green and he’s Archibald Asparagus from fucking Veggie Tales.
Britney Spears‘ performing style hasn’t changed much since she first arrived on the music scene, which is unfortunate because instead of looking like a young, sexy siren, she reminds me more of those times when my mom would get drunk and strip down to her underwear and sing karaoke in our living room. Believe me, it made for an awkward situation in front of the TV repair man. This too, makes for an awkward situation. I don’t know if Britney is shimmying around because she’s performing her dance moves, or she’s trying to pass through that load of fish and chips, figs and prunes she ingested backstage. Says the Daily Mail:
According to sources on the tour, Britney asked for portions of fish and chips and 100 figs and prunes.
Insiders have also claimed that the singer requested a photo of Princess Diana backstage at her UK gigs.
‘Britney adores the monarchy, Diana was in many ways her inspiration. Also, she doesn’t count calories when she’s in Britain,’ said the source.
Newsflash! From the looks of things, she doesn’t count calories stateside, either.
You’d think Britney Spears would remember that she’s given birth to two kids before she put on an outfit like that. Those daisy dukes can’t even make it over her c-section scar.
Those pics of Britney Spears waving a gun while shooting the video for her new single ‘Criminal’ in London last week have Britons all up in arms this morning. The Daily Mail says:
Her new single ‘Criminal’ shows her robbing a store and brandishing a gun in Hackney, East London – one of the hotspots of violence and looting in last month’s riots.
Hackney officials had agreed to the filming but said the star included scenes with the gun without their permission.
A council spokesman said: ‘While the agreement was for anonymous use of Stoke Newington Town Hall, we did not agree a gun could be used. We are disappointed the film crew made a last-minute change to the scene.’
Councillor Ian Rathbone called on the star to apologise and make ‘a sizeable donation’ to a Hackney charity for young people, to make up for ‘the rudeness and damage that she’s done to our community’.
The production company has [since] apologised.
I find it telling that no one forced her to apologize for her choice in synthetic hair extensions. If anything’s gonna incite a riot and spawn a bunch of rage-induced beatings, it’s hair like that. It’s practically Civil Disorder 101.
Britney Spears was seen fleeing a building armed with a gun yesterday, and naturally I just assumed she had another custody hearing in family court that didn’t go her way. Turns out she was actually in London shooting her new video “Criminal.” Frankly, I’d sooner give a hobo with an erection a gun before I handed a pistol over to Britney Spears.
Britney Spears is all tanned legs and blonde extensions on the cover of next month’s British Glamour magazine. Too bad the gams aren’t hers and the hair isn’t real. The Daily Mail said:
She may be knocking on 30 but pop star Britney Spears could still pass as a teenager if her latest Glamour magazine shoot is anything to go by.
The blonde singer showed no signs of her troublesome 20s, and certainly no signs of aging.
Looking fresh faced and blemish free, Britney told the monthly magazine that she’s looking forward to welcoming her 30s this December.
I’ll agree — Britney looks fantastic in these pictures. Mostly because it’s not her. It’s an artist’s rendering of her. I could draw a stick figure on a post-it note and it’d still be more anatomically believable than the Britney Spears in these pictures.
The former bodyguard that suedBritney Spears for sexual harassment last year is speaking out against the singer again, this time alleging that he was subject to her infrequent bathing and indiscriminate farting during the five months he worked for her. No, seriously. The Daily Mail says:
Flores [states in his suit]: ‘[Spears] broke wind or picked her nose unselfconsciously and unapologetically [in front of Flores] and she was constantly and gratuitously loud and profane in her speech. She did not bathe for days on end, did not use deodorant, did not brush her teeth, did not fix her hair, did not wear shoes or socks.’
Now the singer’s lawyers have filed a motion to strike Fernando Flores’ latest allegations, saying his claims that the star had disgusting hygiene habits are false.
She can sue him for defamation if she wants, but we all remember the year 2007. Or at least, you probably do. At the time I was subsisting on nothing but tequila and the occasional maraschino cherry or lemon wedge stolen from the bar’s garnish station. Or as my parents liked to call it, “college.”
Looking surprisingly good on her “Femme Fatale” tour last week:
Britney Spears’ latest video “I Wanna Go” is out today, and it’s either a tribute to Avril Lavigne’s hair and wardrobe department, the car scene in Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” and the end of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” or it’s the trailer for her new movie “Crossroads 2: Cross Harder,” as brought to you by the National Dairy Industry and Volkswagen. Either way, it’s four minutes and thirty-four seconds of my life that I’m never gonna get back.
With Nicki Minaj on her Femme Fatale tour in L.A. earlier this week:
