Now that she’s had a change of heart and decided to embrace her Latina roots, Jessica Alba dressed up as Dora the Explorer for Halloween. Just one of many “eh-strong Latina woman” costumes from which to choose if you’re a girl of color, I’m sure. Like, um… let’s see… well, there’s Rosario from “Will and Grace.” She’s one. And that midget from Fantasy Island, whats-her-name. (On second thought, that might have been a man. I don’t think anybody really knows for sure.) Oh, and Charo, right? I almost forgot about Charo! Cuchi-cuchi! See, there’s a ton of options. Good for Jessica for trouncing the traditional demeaning Latina eh-stereotype.

Jessica Alba as Dora and husband Cash Warren as Diego:

Kate Beckinsale as Adam Ant:

Helena Christensen as a painter’s palette:

Brooke Shields in a Cleopatra flapper wig as… her daughter’s pimp? I don’t know:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

Like crap masquerading as art? Like kiddie porn? Well, it’s your lucky day, fuckwad. An incredibly disturbing 1975 picture of a completely nude and oiled 10-year old Brooke Shields is being displayed at the “Spiritual America, in the Pop Life: Art In A Material World” at the Tate Modern Gallery in South London. The Daily Mail says

Richard Prince’s image of Shields shows her from the knees up, naked, oiled and wearing make-up, looking directly at the viewer.

His exhibition also features huge sexually explicit images of penetration and works made from the pages of pornographic magazines.

The picture was [originally taken by photographer Gary Gross] after the artist hired Shields to pose as a model in 1975 and is said to have been done with her mother’s consent.

Thanks to the magic of the internet, I managed to find the pictures in question (there’s more than one), but they are so disturbing and sexually explicit that I WILL NOT put them up here. It’s fucking kiddie porn, pure and simple. It’s disgusting. It’s the kind of stuff that makes your stomach turn. The worst part is knowing that Brooke Shields’ mother signed off on them. She gave some pervert license to oil up her daughter, paint her like a Turkish prostitute, and photograph her naked in a bathtub holding a hand mirror. Throw in some quaaludes and a bottle of champagne and you’ve just walked into Roman Polanski’s wet dream. Fuck her, and fuck all of Hollywood (Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, for starters — full list of names here) for signing off on a petition to free Polanski and for claiming it’s not “rape-rape” (Whoopi Goldberg) when a 43-year old man takes naked pictures of a child, then gives them alcohol and sedatives and anally rapes them despite their pleas that he stop.

I went back and forth on whether to post a link to the pictures — by no means do I want to encourage people to look at pornographic images of underage girls — but on the other hand, I also feel that people need to know what’s being funded by their tax dollars under the guise of “avant-garde and socially challenging art.” In a way, you’re paying for it. So ultimately, I’m leaving that decision you. See them uncensored here. And may God have mercy on your souls.

UPDATE: Your outrage has been validated! Police removed the photograph from the Tate Gallery today on the grounds that it violated child pornography laws.

If there’s any way to make a 42-year old woman with a history of depression and a floundering career feel relevant again, it’s taking pictures of her in latex thigh-highs next to a man pulling down his underpants. That’s how mom always explained her wedding photos to me, anyway. Ooh, that reminds me, it’s about time for me to start cutting again. And this Jack and Coke isn’t going to just drink itself, you know!

Brook Shields in the Australian Kurv magazine:

You’d think after seven seasons of “24″ everyone would know by now that you just don’t fuck with Jack Bauer. Period. But a prissy little Proenza Schouler designer chose his own fate when he refused to apologize to Brooke Shields after knocking her to the ground in front of JackBauer Kiefer Sutherland Monday night. According to TMZ

It happened at an after-party for the Met costume gala last night. Witnesses say the alleged victim — Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough — allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt.

In a world rife with politically correct metrosexuals, it’s absolutely panty-moistening to see a man’s man step up in defense of a woman’s honor. And they say chivalry is dead! Apparently they’ve never heard of Jack Bauer.

With his girlfriend pre-headbutt at the Costume Gala:

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Brooke Shields was in New York yesterday, by all accounts doing her best Martha Washington in a pair of short shorts. All she’s missing is a man with syphilis and wooden teeth and the Founding Father fantasy is complete!

The Tomkitten has finally arrived but Brooke Shields has beaten Tom Cruise to the delivery. Brooke had a baby girl, Grier Hammond, just hours before Tom’s bride-to-be, Katie Holmes, delivered her own baby, Suri. Here’s a blast from the past:

Last year Brooke and Tom, who appeared together in the 1981 film ‘Endless Love,’ traded barbs in the media over Shields’ use of psychiatric drugs while suffering from post-partum depression. Cruise, a staunch critic of psychiatry, believes the ailment can be treated through exercise and vitamins.

Grier Hammond? Suri? I think the ones who will suffer from depression will be the children when they’ll find out they bear stupid names.

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