In case you’re wondering, Lindsay Lohan isn’t anorexic because she suffers from body issue distortion and weight issues; she’s anorexic because she wants you to feel sorry for her. Apparently being sorry she hasn’t killed herself yet doesn’t count. A friend of hers told People Magazine

“She is a self-destructive person. It’s all part of her cry for attention. She wants Sam [Ronson, her ex-girlfriend] to see how bad she’s hurting and she wants Hollywood to see her as a ‘tortured artist’ who is wasting away.”

Funny, I see less of a “tortured artist” and more of a “Hamburglar’s slutty little sister after a crippling bout of dysentery.” I guess it’s really all about perspective.

In Hawaii with sister Ali yesterday:

with her younger sister Ali and a few friends.

Britney Spears is all smiles and exposed midriff on the cover of December 11th issue of Rolling Stone, in which she divulges some choice tidbits about her delightful and well-adjusted toddlers. Us Weekly quotes her as saying

“They’re staring to learn words like ’stupid,’ and [3-year old Sean] Preston says the F-word now sometimes,” Spears reveals. “He doesn’t get it from us,” the singer stresses. “He must get it from his daddy [Kevin Federline]. I say it, but not around my kids.”

That’s probably true, not because she’s vigilant about clean language around her children, but because she’s probably only seen them a total of eighty-four hours in the last year and a half. Not a lot of time to imprint vocabulary on the impressionable, as things like that go. One thing you won’t be reading about in Britney’s Rolling Stone interview, however — her ongoing battle with bulimia. Star Magazine says

A source [says] Brit’s diet consists mostly of “Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull. She throws up after meals, both at home and at restaurants, and she isn’t very discreet about it.”

The pop star is also “taking diet pills. She has to go to the bathroom constantly. It just runs right through her. And everyone knows she still throws up when she’s eaten too much. You can smell it in the bathroom.”

A crazy woman who reeks of puke living with her father and saddled with two little brats. The only way that line could be more unappealing to men everywhere is if the words could somehow leap off the screen and kick them in the testicles. See, there’s “lowering the bar,” and then there’s “using the bar to ass-fuck yourself in front of a mirror while sobbing uncontrollably.” I’ll let you decide which heading “dating Britney Spears” falls under.