Actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi were arrested yesterday in Texas on burglary, defrauding an innkeeper and conspiracy charges after they failed to pay the San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara the thousands of dollars they owed after an extended stay. This isn’t the first time the pair has been accused of the dine-and-dash approach to swanky hotels, either — TMZ says they also stiffed Bel Air Hotel in L.A., among other places. Presidio County Sheriff’s deputies said

Randy assaulted [the police] both physically and verbally and resisted arrest, but [we] will not file charges. The Sheriff’s office is in touch with officials in Santa Barbara County, who want Randy and Evi extradited.

When asked for a statement, Randy said, “Well, I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn’t you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn’t big enough. Well, I didn’t want to ask you, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?” Clark W. Griswold was reportedly unavailable for comment.

UPDATE: After Randy and Evi posted bail, the two sent a copy of a cashier’s check supposedly made out to the San Ysidro Ranch along with a handwritten statement claiming their innocence to TMZ (see that paper here).

Fug mug shots:

In “God Punishes Herpetic Whores” news, Paris Hilton was robbed this morning.  From the LA Times:

An estimated $2 million worth of jewelry and other belongings was stolen from the home of Paris Hilton, Los Angeles Police Department sources told The Times.

The robbery occurred overnight at Hilton’s Hollywood Hills home. The burglar or burglars got into the house through an unlocked door, according to the sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing.

Ugh.  Of course that dumb slag left her door unlocked.  I mean, I leave my door unlocked at least 75% of the time, but first of all there is nothing of any real value in my house except for thousands and thousands of books (and everybody knows burglars don’t read) and second, I live in Minnesota where nobody steals anything in the winter because it would mean they’d have to go outside, and it’s freezing.

Paris Hilton’s house (walk right in, man — door’s unlocked):