This conglomeration of plastic is 30-year-old (I shit you not) Alicia Douvall, who I’ve sure as hell never heard of.  From a quick Google search it seems that she’s a glamor model/reality show contestant. All I know is, somewhere Barbie is missing her plastic ass.  I mean, WTF is that? Yeah, I know her boobs probably have their own gravitational pull, and her lips are threatening to float away, but good God. It looks like her thighs are trying to lay eggs. Bleh.

With her 14 year old daughter (who apparently asked for a boob job for her birthday two years ago:

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Image credit: Huffington Post

Heidi Montag had ten (10!!!) plastic surgery procedures done on November 20th.  We saw her creepy People magazine cover on Wednesday, but now the Huffington Post has a scan of her before & after shots from inside the magazine, and holy crap, it’s even worse than I thought.  Those boobs are RETARDED, and the side-by-side comparison shows just how unrecognisable she is now (which you’d think would be counterproductive for a famewhore like her, but whatever).

On why she’s going all Frankenstein, Heidi said:

I was made fun of when I was younger, and so I had insecurities, especially after I moved to L.A. People said I had a “Jay Leno chin”; they’d circle it on blogs and say nasty things. It bothered me. And when I watched myself on The Hills, my ears would be sticking out likle Dumbo! I just wanted to feel more confident and look in the mirror and be like, “Whoa! That’s me!” I was an ugly duckling before.

Oh Heidi, but you’re so much uglier now.  Your face is seriously freaking me out, because you look like a sexbot and it honestly wouldn’t surprise me to hear that your navel is actually a doorknob that opens your abdomen to reveal a stash of lube and dildos.  Anyway, here’s the full list of things Heidi had done to herself (and please keep in mind that she’s only 23 years old):

1. Newer, bigger boob job (she’s DDD now, the biggest the doctor would put in)
2. Butt implants
3. Liposuction on waist, hips, inner & outer thighs
4. Fat injections in cheeks and lips
5. Brow lift
6. Chin reduction
7. Another nose job
8. Ears pinned back
9. Neck liposuction
10. Botox (and remember, she’s only 23!)

Sweet Jesus, that’s nuts.  Number Five was more alive than this chick is now.  Just for shits and giggles, let’s take a gander at what Heidi looked like before all the plastic surgery, even before her first nose job and before her original set of breast implants: