Fashion designer Calvin Klein has chosen DIY abortion champion Eva Mendes to be the new face — well, new ass, technically — of their 2008 underwear ad campaign. OK! Magazine says

The advertisements, which will debut in the fall, will focus on “seductive comfort.” She will also be the face of a-yet-unnamed Calvin Klein fragrance.

Sorry, but in what kind of bizarro world do the words “seductive” and “comfort” go together? Comfort = flannel with butt flap; seductive = underwire and g-string burn. It’s a simple mathematic principle known as inversely proportionality. If one of the variables is directly proportional to the multiplicative inverse of the other, or if their product is a constant, it means that as the absolute value of one variable gets bigger (seductiveness), the absolute value of the other gets smaller (comfort). Or as Dr. Love says, “the longer it takes to put it on and the more it pinches, pulls, chafes and/or itches, the sexier it actually is.” Did I mention Dr. Love is in my pants? She’s really the authority on all things boudoir.

Eva departing JFK March 8th: