Don’t you hate it when you eat something and it all goes to your mons pubis? Ask Naomi Watts. Okay, it’s not that bad, I was just happy to find an opportunity to use the word mons pubis. It makes me feel so educated. I feel like I should be wearing a monacle and twirling my mustache. I have neglected to wax it for quite a while.
In Barbados with the fam:
Teenage bride Courtney Stodden took the the streets of Los Angeles in a skimpy bikini and faux fur coat, not because that’s not far off from her usual attire, but because she was filming a video for Funny or Die. She appeared in her normal frosted makeup palette, but what was really eye-catching was the gel insert stuffed into her bikini top. But seriously, what the fuck is going on with her nether regions? Those are some long roast beef curtains. I think we discovered where Joe Camel has been hiding all these years.
Who says cavalry breeches should only be worn in equestrian circles? AnnaLynne McCord shows us that when you pair them with a camel toe, a fur vest and a can-do (you) attitude, they can suddenly be a fashionable statement piece in your wardrobe. That being said, I don’t know what the hell is going on with her face. This is supposed to be a 24-year-old. She reminds me of a slightly younger Cruella de Ville, what with the fur vest and exaggerated mugging for the camera.
I know the stupid Teen Choice Awards were last night, but it’s too early and I’m too hungover to talk about that shit yet, so let’s just look at these nice pics of Rihanna in her Bob Marley swimsuit instead. I spent a good five minutes trying to figure out if she had four-inch-long labia or if that was just the folds of Bob’s collar in her crotch. If you stare at it long enough, you can kinda get lost in the moment where one becomes the other becomes the other again. It’s like Salvador Dali’s “Halluciongenic Toreador” if it were made out of camel toes.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
I’ve seen my fair share of celebrity camel toes in my day, but Renee Zellweger’s up there takes the cake. Seriously, is she wearing a codpiece? I didn’t know the female pubic mound could protrude like that! Also, I didn’t think I’d ever get to use the word “pubic mound” in post. Today is really a red-letter day.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
I’m so glad there’s some artists left in the music industry that don’t depend on stupid costumes and shock value to entertain their fans at concerts. Rihanna, however, is not one of them. I’m getting a weird tranny vibe here, especially with the penis envy deal going on here and the stupid red Cletus hair. What’s the microphone doing down there, anyway? Is her camel toe gonna whistle a tune? Because that’s what I would call entertainment.
Showing Canadians some American beaver in Toronto:
Britney Spears’ boyfriend Jason Trawick is no longer her manager — Britney fired him so he could “concentrate on being her boyfriend with no financial ties.” Ooh, looks like somebody dared to tell her that KFC wasn’t really a tax write-off. According to Page Six
Her rep confirmed, “Britney Spears and her longtime agent, Jason Trawick, have decided to end their professional relationship and focus on their personal relationship.” A source told us, “Jason struggled with being on her payroll as her manager while they were dating. He wanted things to be on a more level footing,” adding their romance was still strong.
This is totally fucking boring, but Google Trends says you want to talk about it, so let’s talk, shall we? Let’s see… there’s, um, the whole “conflict of interest” thing… and, um… I dunno… fried chicken’s probably involved, I guess — hey, look! Sports Illustrated cover girl Brooklyn Decker is doing a cartwheel! In a bikini! With a huge camel toe! I think I’ve said everything that needed saying here.
More of Brooklyn in her bikini after the jump:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
Every good chola knows that nothing goes with capri-length sweats like a pair of four-inch platform stilettos. Mariah might not have a rose tattoo or any visible knifing scars, but she more than makes up for it with the diamond pacifier on a chain and the massive camel toe. I just hope she’s not planning on visiting anyone in Arizona anytime soon.
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
I guess it’s not all bad that ’90′s balladeer Toni Braxton is standing outside of a restaurant dressed like a slutty Sea World trainer. Sometimes orcas drag those guys to the bottom of a 36-foot tank and hold them there until they stop moving.
Leaving Mr. Chow last night:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
If you’ve ever wondered what Paris Hilton’s vagina would look like if it were vacuum-sealed in spandex, here you go. I’m kinda surprised, honestly. I was expecting the faint outline of teeth or tentacles or what could pass for one of the Squidbillies in a leglock, but it just looks like your standard boring vagina. I’d be lying if I said wasn’t a little disappointed.
Some posts need no explanation at all. Some posts seem to just fall out of the sky and land gently in your lap like a magical gift from heaven. This is one of those posts, boys and girls. Shh… let’s not spoil it with words. Let’s just look deeply into each others’ eyes and say a silent prayer of gratitude while simultaneously going for our zippers. It’s what Jesus would want us to do.
Miranda Kerr on the runway at the David Jones show yesterday:
Everything today is all “Michael Jackson” this and “King of Pop” that, so for a change of pace, please enjoy these pictures of Khloe Kardashian’s camel toe. Funny, I always thought Bigfoot would have a dick. I guess you learn something new every day!
Clearly in her second trimester leaving Katsuya in Hollywood:
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