Steven Tyler’s fall from the stage last year ended up putting him in rehab for painkiller addiction and forcing Aerosmith to cancel their tour, but it’s good to see guitarist Joe Perry still has a sense of levity about it. Like last night in Toronto, when he hip-checked Steven face-first into the crowd. The Daily Mail says:

Steven Tyler had another worrying topple when band mate Joe Perry bumped him, sending him flying into the crowd.

The 62-year-old front man got more than he bargained for when Perry bumped him back so hard that Tyler ended up falling off the stage.

It’s fun to watch old people being “hip,” because they usually wind up breaking a hip in the process. Ha ha, see what I just did there? And to think, my mom said my degree in Creative Writing was useless!

Scarlett Johansson graces the cover of next month’s Elle Canada, which poses an interesting question: why would Elle have a Canadian edition? Canada is about the least fashionable country ever, right behind Turkmenistan and The Federated States of Micronesia. There’s only so much you can write about the versatility of the Maple Leaf away-game jersey or the panache that ear flaps add to any woolen hat before it starts to get redundant.

A former Playboy model named Jasmine Fiore was found stuffed in a suitcase after being strangled to death in Orange County, California on Saturday, and her husband, reality star Ryan Jenkins, has presumably fled the country for Canada. You might recognize Jenkins from such hits as VH1′s “Megan Wants a Millionaire,” in which he competed with other wealthy suitors for the affections of “Rock of Love’s” butt-nugget Megan Hauserman. You might also recognize Jenkins from L.A. country district court, where he was sentenced to 15 months probation and mandatory counseling for “psychological domestic violence coping skills” and sex addiction after beating a girlfriend in 2005. TMZ says

Sheriff’s deputies in Washington state [say] that they believe Ryan Alexander Jenkins has escaped to Canada by foot.

- Yesterday evening a witness reported seeing someone matching Jenkins’ description driving a black BMW SUV (we know he owned one) with a boat in tow in a marina which is extremely close to the Canadian border.

- A short time later deputies found the boat and the SUV abandoned.

- A manhunt then began for Jenkins by land, sea, and air, conducted by federal agents, deputies, cops, and Canadian authorities.

- They were unable to find Jenkins and now think that he literally made a run for the border — crossing over by foot.

They could always put bloodhounds on the case. Guys like him leave a scent trail of cheap puss a mile long. Believe me, you just can’t shake the stank of peroxide, self-tanner, Victoria’s Secret body spray and ball sweat off your person, not to mention out of the trunk of your car. Not without using a lot of bleach and a pressure washer, anyway. The more you know…

See their blissfully trashy wedding photos here.

GRISLY UPDATE: Apparently the guy hacked off all her fingers and pulled out all her teeth before stuffing her in that suitcase. Sure makes my “dismembering a hooker” joke there at the end a lot less funny. Well, less funny than it already was. I’m not saying it was funny to begin with. Really? Well, then, fuck you. I don’t have to take this shit.