Welcome to Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel’s office, or “St. Barth’s” as it’s known to the rest of us. Saying her life is better than yours is like saying Rosie O’Donnell looks a little like a female Nacho Libre. An understatement to say the least.
Newly-released audio of the 911 call (listen after the jump) placed from Demi Moore’s home the night she was hospitalized after having a seizure suggest that not only was she high on whip-its — she’d also been smoking incense laced with synthetic cannabinoids, or “Spice” as it’s known around most middle schools. Radar Online says:
[The caller can be heard telling the 911 operator]: “She smoked something, it’s not marijuana, it’s similar to incense. She seems to be having convulsions.”
Addiction specialist Dr. Phil Dembo… believes Moore was smoking K2 Spice, which is currently legal in the U.S. but under investigation by the Drug Enforcement Agency.
“It sounds like Demi smoked K2 Spice,” Dr. Dembo, who has not treated Moore, said. “The problem with synthetics of any kind is they can cause anxiety or depression and cause panic or hyperventilation type of experience. There is racing of your body and those things chemically take you over.”
Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel has nothing to do with Demi Moore or pititful seventh-grade emo cutter attempts at substance abuse, but she has very, very shiny limbs, and you know how easily distracted I am by anything shiny. I’m curious like a cat. And that’s why my friends call me “Whiskers,” not because I had a chin hair that grew almost an inch long before I finally noticed it. I’m pretty sure that was just a coincidence.
Candice Swanepoel in Vogue China:
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After fourteen years and two children together, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis are reportedly calling it quits. People Magazine says:
Multiple sources [claim] that the relationship is all but officially finished.
Depp, 48, and Paradis, 39, who are parents to Lily-Rose, 12, and Jack, 9, have not appeared side-by-side on a red carpet for more than a year.
In fact, some in their circle say the couple of nearly 14 years have already split. Says one insider: “It’s so sad.”
Man, that IS sad. But you know what isn’t sad? Behind-the-scenes pictures from the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. But then you know what’s sad again? The pictures are slightly out-of-focus because some faggot at GQ thought he was being “artsy.” I don’t know how much more of this emotional roller coaster I can stand.
Lily Aldridge, Candice Swanepoel, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes and Isabel Goulart in the February issue of GQ:
Despite recently reuniting with her husband of sixteen days, it’s not been all sunshine and roses for 45-year-old Sinead O’Connor. In fact, just yesterday she took to Twitter to announce that she was “really unwell” and in need of immediate psychiatric attention. The Daily Mail says:
Taking to the social networking site, the mother-of-four claimed that she was in ‘danger’ if she didn’t receive medicine immediately.
The singer began her series of odd Tweets by claiming that Ireland is a ‘VERY hard place to find help in.’
‘Does any1 know a psychiatrist in dublin or wicklow who could urgently see me today please? im really un-well… and in danger,’ she tweeted to her 5,422 followers.
And just what does Victoria’s Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel in their Spring 2012 swimsuit catalog have to do with Sinead O’Connor? Not a goddamn thing. After that tattoo, I thought you’d already suffered enough.
The tags on these photos of Candice Swanepoel said they were new, but I could neither confirm nor deny this, mostly because finding out would have involved me not looking at the pictures. I just figured I couldn’t run the risk of them not being new, because it wouldn’t be fair to you if they were. That’s just how much I care. Better to err on the side of of caution, I always say.
Candice Swanepoel models here for Rag & Bone, which is a clothing company I’ve never heard of, probably because their jeans start near the $200 mark and only go up to a 32″ waist. If it’s not on clearance at Wal-Mart and isn’t made of either sweatshirt material or at least 80% spandex, it doesn’t touch these thighs. When your pants wear out within a month because of the friction between your thighs, it’s best to not invest too much money in clothing.
Victoria’s Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel has a sexy spread in the December issue of V Magazine. I’m not sure what the V in V Magazine stands for, exactly. It could stand for Value. Or Very Nice. Or maybe Velveteen Vagina. Which, incidentally, was also the name of my all-girl garage band in high school. Don’t think I won’t sue for copyright infringement if it turns out that’s the case.
The thing that sucks about winter is you get way less hot bikini action than you do in the summer. Fortunately, Victoria’s Secret has taken it upon themselves to rectify that injustice by putting pics of Candice Swanepoel in a bikini in their holiday catalog. Which ultimately begs the question, is that a yule log in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? Beats the hell outta ten lords a-leaping, I can tell you that.
Victoria’s Secret supermodels Candice Swanepoel and Erin Heatherton were aptly dressed for the launch of their latest Angel fragrance and the Dream Angels bra at the Victoria’s Secret in SoHo yesterday. All I know is if I’m ever on the operating table and I code, this better damn well be what I see when I go into the light. Anything else will make heaven a giant disappointment.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Look, ladies! This issue of Marie Claire South Africa is gonna teach you how to love your body, flaws and all, by putting the very ideal of feminine perfection Candice Swanepoel on the cover in a tiny swimsuit. That way you’ll realize just how much your body sucks and that no matter how hard you exercise or diet you’re not gonna ever, EVER look like that and stretch marks never go away and gravity hates your tits and you’re getting older with every passing day. Unless that issue comes with Prozac and a bottle of Jack, I’m canceling my subscription.
Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel has a sexy ten-page spread in next month’s issue of Vogue Brasil, which really makes me wish I hadn’t gone with Vogue Ecuadorial Guinea. And I was so sure malaria and the Tsetse fly were gonna be this season’s must-have accessories!
These pics of Candice Swanepoel in the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog don’t have anything to do with anything, but they’re not Lindsay Lohan, so here you go. Consider it a little something to wash down the taste of that last post. Besides, I figured you might have wanted to see someone whose hair is blonde instead of her teeth for a change.
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