^{Video courtesy JoBlo}

This clip from Carmen Electra’s supposedly “leaked” sex tape features no boobies, no vaginas, and hardly any tongue at all. It’s real Rebecca Gayheart home video quality, let me tell you. I’m not going to come straight out and say it’s boring, but you should know I got a bigger boner watching “The Life Cycles of the Mealworm” while alphabetizing my sock drawer. And I don’t even have a penis. So counting this video, that makes two of us with absolutely no wieners at all.

Lots more screen caps after the jump

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Carmen Electra set to get married a third time, this time to boyfriend Rob Patterson of Korn. Is that true love I smell? Or did somebody just forget to flush again. According to People Magazine

Patterson, 37, who is the former touring guitarist for Korn, popped the question over the weekend while he and Electra were in Las Vegas to celebrate her 36th birthday. The couple have been dating less than a year.

Mind you, this woman got drilled by Dennis Rodman. More than once. A six foot seven inch black guy. I bet having sex with her now is like stirring a cup of coffee with a spoon. Sure, it’s warm and wet, but you have to really swirl it around to hit all the sides. Congratulations, Korn guy! You really won big.

Vegas Birthday bash: