Tila Tequila is disgusting for many reasons.  She’s a plastic whorey troll who looks like an alien, she’s dumber than a box of hair, she sluts it up for anyone who will stand still for two consecutive seconds, she’s a compulsive liar, and she will do literally anything for attention.  None of this is new, but what’s new is that she’s currently spiraling into a complete psychotic break.

Tila’s always been pretty crazycakes, but she rocketed into batshit insane territory following the death of her “fiancée” Casey Johnson (whom she only dated for a month, by the way).  Tila’s publicist hit the limit of her patience and quit yesterday.  Since then Tila gave a weird, “tearful” video interview to Radar Online and has been using her Twitter as a live-feed documentary of her fall into genuine clinical psychosis.

First she decided she was an angel sent from God:

Listen u guys wanna know about Haiti? Let me tell you something right now. There will be more disasters to come. Even bigger! Warning signs.

I know how the world will end, and yes, it will end. Not in the way you all think it is, but it will end.

Everything you do now is totally irrelevant to what is to come. I am only here to warn you as God’s Messenger and Angel disguised as A Human

Then she said that God took Casey away because of some sort of fraternisation clause in the Angel etiquette handbook:

God took the Love of my Life away from me because I promised him that I was only here to do my job. But I fell in Love with Another Angel

So he took her away from me. That was my fault. I broke the rules of being an Angel on Earth as a messenger. We’re not allowed 2 fall in luv

With another Angel. Cuz it will distract me from doing my job of helping the world. The minute I fell in love with another Angel, I stopped.

God sent me here, but did not tell me how or what I needed to do, so just like all other Angels, I had to choose my path on how 2 blend in..

But now time has run out, I have no choice but to reveal myself and who I really am. There is no more time to waste. We must help each other

Then she tried to raise an “army”:

From me trying to stand up for Domestic Violence, Fight For Gay Rights & animal cruelty, Starting the #TilaArmy 4 those who are good pple..

I try as best I can 2 gather all the good people 2gether & help those that are in need. But as i said, I am only the messenger that u killed

Then she decided to “quit” Twitter:

These will be my last words and my last warning 2 everyone on Twitter. I pray for you & your loved ones. God Bless & take care. Off I go. xo

But that only lasted a few minutes, until she decided to become the Ambassador to Vietnam:

I wil be gone for a while as I have teamed up with some Ambassadors. My next step is to become Ambassador 4 my country in Vietnam….

Say goodbye to “TILA TEQUILA” as she is no longer needed & I have revealed my true identity. Real work needs to be done now. I must go.

Then she decided she was pregnant with GI Joe’s baby:

I have a baby growing inside of me now, & that is my new happiness in life. Happiness is something hard to find, but then again. not really.

That is the big news. Its no longer my brother’s baby as Surrogate mother. It is MY very own baby. Yes. MINE. Jayden came back to his Mommy!

Ps-I’m just happy cuz the baby’s father is a AMERICAN HERO! Served in the US ARMY 4 10 years & fought war in Afgan & got shot. He survived.

Now hes out of Army after 10 years and is now a fireman and EMT! My baby’s father is a HERO and saves lives & risked his own in call of duty

yes my babys father was in Afgan for 10 years & got shot many times. He survived. Casey wanted me to do invitro with him cuz hes a HERO! xox

Casey & I planned the pregnancy together, she wanted me to be the pregnant one, that’s why I did it & we picked a US VET HERO!!! SO blessed!

Then she thought she’d retire from the public eye:

New picture. Next Chapter. Time to move on & shut media out of my personal life. I will only let u in so far & now its back 2 business. xo

Which lasted about three hours, until she went back to planning her ambassadorship:

Great news! I am currently starting my process 2 become Ambassador of Vietnam! Fingers crossed! My other Ambassador friend I know R helping

As Ambassador 4 Vietnam I’ll do SO much 2 help my country! I will help them THRIVE & flourish! In honor of all my ancestors who died in war!

This was ALL within the last 24 hours, and she’s currently nattering about being in a “hardcore” CNN interview tonight.  This is seriously way too much crazy for me to take in.  Based on her Twitter feed, Tila Tequila never sleeps for more than a couple hours at a time, has no friends, never goes anywhere or does anything besides Tweet and pose for pictures, and is crazier than a shithouse rat.  I don’t know if she’s high as hell every minute of her life, if she’s genuinely insane, or if it’s all just the world’s most ceaselessly obnoxious cry for attention, but I am done.  DONE.

I’m never, ever talking about Tila Tequila again.  Maybe on the day she dies for realsies I’ll talk about it so we can all celebrate a little, but until then she is DEAD TO ME.  I don’t know how Abby and Sonya feel about it, and maybe they’ll still cover Tila Tequila’s crazy shenanigans, but after the last ten days I just cannot HANDLE her ass anymore.

Tila Tequila is distraught, y’all.  She’s in mourning. She’s so heartbroken over the death of Casey Johnson that she can’t even get out of bed in the morning.  Unless there are paparazzi around (because she called them) and then she gets all dolled up in some brand new shoes and booty shorts, spackles on enough makeup for eight municipal beauty pageants, sticks a flower in her hair and makes sure her cartoonishly enormous chesticles are busting the hell out of her top.  Then she climbs into a goddamn tree and smiles like she just won the lottery.  Because she’s SO SAD, you see.  And also because her idea of winning the lottery is whenever anyone pays attention to her for five consecutive seconds.

Casey Johnson, heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune and “fiancée” of Tila Tequila, was found dead in her LA home at age 30.  From People:

[Johnson's] death was announced by Tequila on her Twitter page and confirmed by police.

“Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson,” Tequila wrote. “She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w/ family.”‘

Los Angeles police and firefighters were called to a house at 11:51 a.m. Monday. Johnson was pronounced dead at the scene.

“It appears to be a natural death,” says police Officer Sara Faden. “There’s no evidence of foul play. A toxicology report from the coroner’s office will proceed next.”

Johnson, who leaves a toddler daughter Ava whom she had adopted, was the great-great granddaughter of the founder of the pharmaceutical giant, and the daughter of New York Jets owner Robert Wood Johnson.

An openly gay socialite, Johnson had a knack for attracting paparazzi – and trouble. A nasty fight with ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel, daughter of former Yahoo chief Terry Semel, reportedly resulted in Johnson’s hair catching on fire last October. Then in November, she was arrested for allegedly breaking into another former girlfriend’s house.

Meh, who cares?  Yeah, I know that’s cruel and inhumane and whatnot, but I’m an asshole so that shouldn’t surprise you.  Seriously, does anyone actually CARE that this chick died?  She’s like a less-famous version of Paris Hilton, and people would only care if Paris died in the sense that they would want to plan a party to celebrate the occasion.

Anyway, there’s lots of speculation about prescription drugs being the cause of death, but I’m betting what actually happened is that Casey Johnson somehow realised she was engaged to Tila goddamn Tequila, and she died of shame on the spot.  I don’t know if “shame” shows up in an autopsy, though, so this mystery may never be solved.