It’s exactly thirty-seven days, eleven hours and forty-three minutes until Christmas, so I thought that pics of Adriana Lima in Victoria’s Secret’s Christmas catalog would help get us in the holiday spirit. And for the record, I was almost ten before I learned that “getting in the holiday spirit” didn’t mean “stumbling around drunk in a red velvet suit with a visible erection and vomit in your beard.” Yeah, my dad made a pretty shitty Santa. You don’t even wanna know what I though “decking the halls” was.

The thing that sucks about winter is you get way less hot bikini action than you do in the summer. Fortunately, Victoria’s Secret has taken it upon themselves to rectify that injustice by putting pics of Candice Swanepoel in a bikini in their holiday catalog. Which ultimately begs the question, is that a yule log in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? Beats the hell outta ten lords a-leaping, I can tell you that.

These pics of Candice Swanepoel in the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog don’t have anything to do with anything, but they’re not Lindsay Lohan, so here you go. Consider it a little something to wash down the taste of that last post. Besides, I figured you might have wanted to see someone whose hair is blonde instead of her teeth for a change.

I get that Victoria’s Secret is more than just lingerie, but putting clothes on Alessandra Ambrosio just seems like a fucking waste. It’s like covering the Mona Lisa with dog hair.

New shoot from the Summer 2011 VS clothing line:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Alessandra Ambrosio was in St. Barth’s, France yesterday for another Victoria’s Secret swimsuit catalog shoot, and… really, do you need any more words than that? Masturbating isn’t supposed to be that cerebral, you know.

More sexy pics after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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Why am I posting these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini in St. Barths? Well, I think the real question here is, “why wouldn’t I be posting these pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini in St. Barths?” It certainly isn’t “where are your pants” or “why is the stapler covered in Vaseline,” no matter what that stupid bitch in HR tries to tell you.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Whatever you felt looking at Susan Sarandon’s tits, this would be the exact opposite of that. I wouldn’t go as far as to call it “pride.” Maybe “less shame and self-loathing.” After all, ’tis the season to masturbate alone. Bottoms up!

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Victoria’s Secret swimsuit shoot in St. Barth’s:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online