Hi guys and dolls, it’s Sonya today. Any of you men (or women) wonder how much you’d have to shell out to bang your favorite celebrity lust? Well wonder no more, because Kristin Davis, infamous New York madam to former Govenor Eliot Spitzer, has put together a price list of her top ten female celebrities. Gawker gives sets out the list:

1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She’s slender and doesn’t have implants. She’s blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She’s tall and blonde. It’s always a homerun if I can get a girl who’s 5′9” or above. She’s usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern’s wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can’t have now, or the prom queen they couldn’t have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn’t get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn’t let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn’t have any market for her. She couldn’t work for me. She’s cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agency’s that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I’m talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, they’re boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look to California. For the most part I wouldn’t use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She’s got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I’m sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don’t have a market for her. She couldn’t work for me. It’s unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn’t bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She’s hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don’t like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she’s from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn’t let it slip where she’s from.

Soooo….I wonder how much Kristin would charge for her own services? I’m sure there’s a demographic for a transvestite burn victim with reconstructive plastic surgery, but can it be that in demand?

Welcome to the Brave New World, boys and girls — Barack Obama has officially been elected the 44th President of the United States, garnering 349 electoral votes to John McCain’s 162. Democrats now control both the House and the Senate. And who do we have to thank for this historic political shift? Why, rapper Sean “P. Diddy Puff Daddy Puss Whiffy” Combs! He told reporters (via Yahoo News)

“I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Barack Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. I just felt like, Martin Luther King, and I felt the whole civil rights movement, I felt all that energy, and I felt my kids.”

I, for one, am grateful to live in a nation where famous people decide things for me. What to wear, what to watch, how to vote — just imagine all the actual thinking we’d have to do if it weren’t for celebrities! Germany might have had its “Gestapo” and Russia its “KGB” and the Wal-Mart its “Military Detection of Anti-Homeland Activities,” but nothing sways a pliable public quite like bare boobs and pec implants. Long live the Tabloid Secret Service!

The T.S.S. electing the new president:

As Election Day nears, you can expect to see more and more celebrities spouting off political rhetoric like the pompous blowhards they all are. I’ve always been of the opinion that celebrities should shut the hell up and get back in their cages and dance like the monkeys they are. They’re here to entertain — possibly show us their tits and/or beaver — not to educate the masses. Come on. Like I’m going to take the guy who got his salad tossed by a dog in “Booty Call” seriously. Please.

So, anyway, enjoy the requisite slew of celebrities in a four-minutes-too-long public service announcement urging you to register to vote. Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry and Forest Whitaker, just to name a few. Bottom line — vote or don’t vote. Whatever. Both bastards are pretty much the same useless puppets of the Bilderberg New World Order. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Everybody knows the only real hope for change is open revolt and exile. Just ask South America!