Keira Knightley’s latest ad campaign for Chanel’s Coco Mademoiselle has been unveiled, and the boob they use in the photo (right) does not belong to Keira Knightley (left). I know for a fact that’s not what her tits look like. And not just because I look through her window with a high-powered infrared telescope from a park a mile due south of her flat, either. That’s just a lucky coincidence. Like they say, the proof is in the pudding!*

_{* Which I also know for a fact she doesn’t eat, thanks to my handy telescope.}

Sarah Jessica Parker hit the Mobile Art Chanel opening party in New York last night in a pair of two-tone pantyhose only an Olsen twin could love. The NY Daily News says

Sarah Jessica Parker reclaimed her title as a fashion icon with a pair of envelope-pushing two-toned nylons. The Chanel nylons - which will set you back $250 - are from next season.

Sorry to break it to you, SJP, but I already have like eight pairs of those. They’re called control-top pantyhose and they come in a plastic egg at Walgreens for a whopping three bucks. Looks like somebody just took you for a ride! No, seriously. Like maybe they rode you through a meadow or a field or something. And from the looks of your hair, they passed right over “half-trot” and went straight into the “full gallop” for six or seven miles. It’s times like these a good groomer and farrier would really pay off.