It seems that even Kim Kardashian is starting to get the memo that everyone thinks she’s a money-hungry, fame-hungry whore. In an attempt to prove otherwise, she claims she has made donations to a charity for all those wedding presents she got. TMZ exclusively reports,

Kim Kardashian is keeping the blender and the gravy boat, but she’s donating twice what she snagged in wedding gifts to a really good charity … TMZ has learned.

We obtained a letter — sent to every guest at the Kim K/Kris Humphries wedding. Kim says, “I would like to thank you for your generous and thoughtful wedding gift. It has taken me some time to pull everything together but I wanted to let you know that the money for every gift received by me at my wedding has been donated to the Dream Foundation …”

Sources tell us … Kim estimates the total cash value of the all the gifts to be around $100k, but she’s cut a check for twice that amount to the Dream Foundation.

Of course if you read the fine print, what she means is that 10% of that is what she really donates. This bitch couldn’t perform a completely charitable act if her fake-ass eyelashes depended on it.

Her big squishy ass in Calabasas (that shit is NOT normal):

Lady Gaga is facing a lawsuit today after she refused to reveal exactly how much of the proceeds of those five-dollar bracelets she created on behalf of earthquake relief efforts in Japan actually goes to her “We Pray For Japan” charity. Bored yet? Me, too. Nine MSN says:

On top of the [wristband's] sale price [of $5], she charged $3.99 for shipping and handling and $0.60 for taxes – but she’s been accused of pocketing the extra dosh and won’t reveal exactly how much of the $5 goes to the earthquake victims.

“I’m suing Lady Gaga simply to hold her accountable for giving the money that she was raising for charity to the cause that she was trying to raise it for,” said Ari Kresch, a Michigan attorney.

To be honest, I’m actually surprised she hasn’t been sued sooner. I just figured it would have been Madonna, David Bowie, Britney Spears, Grace Jones, Loli Lux, Ace of Base, SNSD, RuPaul, Marilyn Manson or Jana Sterbak suing her for copyright infringement first.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Or, if you’re the jewelry store that Lindsay Lohan stole from, squeeze every last drop of publicity you can from it. TMZ reports,

A rep for the Kamofie and Co. jewelry store announced, “We have decided to sell the diamond necklace through auction, and give the proceeds to charity.”

As for the specific charity — the rep states, “We invite the public to make suggestions as to the most appropriate charity to receive the benefit of the sale’s proceeds.”

According to the rep, the auction will not take place until AFTER the criminal case is resolved “by plea bargain, or trial or some other means.”

The necklace is currently being held as evidence by the L.A. County District Attorney.

I think the money should go back to the Lohan family. They’ve been through so much already. They all really need a change of scenery to give them a fresh start, to draw them together as a family. I suggest that the money be used to buy them one-way tickets to Libya. By way of the Maersk Alabama. They say that adversity can really draw people together.

In Brentwood:

Don’t get excited — she’s not really dead. In honor of World AIDS Day on Wednesday, Kim Kardashian is posing as a corpse for Alicia Keys‘ Keep A Child Alive charity. The Daily Mail says:

Lying on her back in a coffin, Kim Kardashian plays dead in a new advert.

The reality star is promoting an internet campaign “Digital Life Sacrifice” in which Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake and Usher will quit social networking sites to raise money for charity.

They have filmed “last tweet and testament” videos which will appear in ads showing them in coffins to represent what the campaign calls their “digital deaths.”

[The celebrities] will not sign back in until $1 million has been raised.

I bet this was a really easy ad to shoot. For starters, they only needed half the makeup she usually wears to make her look like a corpse. Plus her face already looks like it was packed full of mortician’s paste to begin with. And they didn’t even have to use her real waist!

At the Skechers Global Shape-Ups Launch in Beverly Hills last week:

I’ve always said Lindsay Lohan was a whore, but I never thought she’d take it so literally — Lilo will be auctioning off herself to the highest bidder in order to “raise money for charity” next week. Wink, wink. The Examiner says

The celebrity auction will follow the BRIT awards in a special after-party event. The highest bidder will get to see what a real night out with a true Hollywood socialite looks like.

Top prize includes a ‘First Class flights to LA plus a week at the Peninsula Hotel and a night out with Lindsay Lohan, Sunday Brunch for 4 at The River Room, and the ultimate cinema experience at the Millbank Cinema & Media Centre for the winner + 400 friends.’

I have a feeling this “charity” is not really a charity it all, but a do-ragged coke dealer named Stabby. Sorta like the “charity” Simon Monjack set up in Brittany Murphy’s name that wasn’t actually a charity, either. According to TMZ

Tthe foundation — run by Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack — hadn’t filed the necessary documents to qualify as a charity or nonprofit group. As soon as we called the foundation for comment, the website immediately shut down.

But late Sunday the website resurfaced with a message — it would return all the donations “until we have our non-profit status approved before proceeding to insure that we can truly honor Brittany’s charitable desires.”

And I’m sure that “paying off Simon Monjack’s credit card debt” was first and foremost among Brittany’ Murphy’s charitable desires, followed by “paying off Simon Monjack’s attorneys’ fees” and “buying Simon Monjack a dozen custom-tailored Armani suits.” It’s a shame that her dreams and desires are going to have to be shelved because of the government and their bullshit bureaucratic red tape.

And good luck finding someone who’ll bid more than a pack of Newport Ultra Lights and a couple of bus tokens for a night with this hot mess:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

What better way to kickstart your weekend than watching Kim Kardashian getting punched in the face? It seems the logical order of events, since you’ve already seen her get pissed on and drilled like an Alaskan shoreline. Us Magazine says

On Sunday’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian steps into the ring for a charity boxing match — with harsh results.

She ends up taking several punches to the face.

“I’ve never been hit so hard,” Kim, 29, says in the clip (above).

The only way I’d enjoy this more is if her helmet had flown off in the middle of it all. And maybe if instead of a boxing ring, it was set of concrete stairs surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles and sharks and sharpened wooden poles dipped in cyanide. But no sense in getting greedy, is there? If there’s one thing this whole Haiti travesty has taught me, it’s to be grateful for what I’ve got. So, thank you, Jesus, for this wonderful clip of Kim Kardashian getting her ass kicked. Amen!

More of her doing what she does best — sucking:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

The Jolie-Pitt Foundation, established by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, is donating $1 million USD to emergency medical operations responding to the 7.3-magnitude earthquake which struck Haiti on Tuesday.  From People:

“It is incredibly horrible to see a catastrophe of this size hit a people who have been suffering from extreme poverty, violence and unrest for so many decades,” says Jolie.

Adds Pitt: “We understand the first response is critical to serve the immediate needs of countless people who are now displaced from their homes, are suffering trauma, and most require urgent care.”

The Jolie-Pitt Foundation is donating the funds to Doctors Without Borders/Médecins Sans Frontiéres, whose three hospitals in Port-au-Prince were severely damaged, forcing the staff to work out of open-air hospitals.

Meanwhile, the entire Hollywood Foreign Press Association could only be arsed to give $100,000 from their foundation, and it seems they’re doing it mostly just to whore for publicity:

In its statement, the organization said, “The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is announcing at the Golden Globes that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association Foundation is donating $100,000 to Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti relief fund for the victims of the Haiti earthquake.”

Ugh.  Gross.  The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is supposedly a non-profit which hosts the Golden Globes every year for the express purpose of raising money for charity, and yet all they can offer an entire country devastated by a massive earthquake is a paltry hundred grand?  Shut the fuck up, Hollywood Foreign Press.  That’s like giving a nickel to a kid with no legs.

Meanwhile, you — yes, YOU — can also donate to Haiti earthquake relief efforts. You’ve got $10, right?  Shut the hell up, yes you do.  Everybody has ten bucks, asshole.  Don’t be such a miser.  Over 1.8 million people lived in the epicenter of that quake, and they need help.

US residents can donate to Doctors Without Borders Haiti Earthquake Response directly through their website, or by calling 1-888-392-0392.  Non-US residents can donate to Doctors Without Borders here.

UNICEF requests donations for relief for children in Haiti via their Haiti Earthquake Fund. You can also call 1-800-4UNICEF.

If you live in the UK, you can call the DEC’s dedicated Haiti Earthquake appeal line which is open 24 hours a day on 0370 6060 900, or go to the website and follow the simple instructions.

If you really don’t have ten bucks, then I bet you’ve got five bucks.  No, seriously, shut up because even bums on park benches have five bucks.  Text “Yele” to 501501 and the $5 charged to your phone bill will be given to relief projects through Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti foundation.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s tax return shows that the couple gave $6.4 million dollars to charity this past year. To put that in perspective, I once gave a hobo half of my Egg McMuffin because I was too hungover to eat it. Showbiz 411 says

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie don’t just talk the talk, they walk the walk. According to the 2008 tax return for the Jolie-Pitt Foundation, the Hollywood couple sent over $6 million to charities last year, more than [doubling] what they gave in 2007.

The biggest recipients of their largesse were: Global Health ($2 million), Human Rights Watch ($1 million), Brad’s Make it Right Foundation ($1 million).

Some other notable contributions: $500,000 to the Armed Services YMCA of the U.S. Army; $50,000 to the Springfield, Missouri Public Schools (Brad’s hometown); and roughly a million dollars to projects in Cambodia, the country from which they adopted their first child.

But for every well-intentioned Brangelina you get in Hollywood, there are a dozen more self-important asswipes that make celebritydom the societal equivalent of amoebic dysentery. Take Disney star Miley Cyrus, for example. Page Six says

When Cyrus and a friend came into the Pop Burger on East 58th Street and ordered, the counter manager asked for her name to mark the order. She snapped back, “Are you serious? You don’t recognize me? I’m Miley Cyrus.” The counterman still had no clue who she was, ran her credit card with her name on it and shrugged, “That’s nice for you. Here is your order.”

“That’s nice for you.” Fucking brilliant. Who the hell does this bitch think she is? The only reason a grown-ass man would know anything about Miley Cyrus is if he has a pre-teen daughter or is a registered sex offender with a record. Miley might want to brush up on her target demographic before she pulls the “I’m Miley Cyrus” card in public again.

Leaving her hotel earlier this month, plus dressed as a prostitute for her birthday and various other inappropriate costumes after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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Kim Kardashian posted a picture of herself with a big black eye on her official website yesterday. That’s big black eye, not “big black guy.” That really wouldn’t be newsworthy at all, now would it? Star Magazine says

The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star agreed to participate in a boxing match on Tuesday to raise money for The Dream Foundation, but she left with a shiner when her opponent punched her in the eye.

“At the end of the day, we did this for charity and that’s what counts,” Kim posted on her Web site Wednesday. “But man, my girl could throw a punch! Look at my black eye!!!”

I bet this marks the first time that Kim’s taken it in the face in front of a video camera without having to be on her knees with her mouth wide open. This has got to be one for the books, people!

PHOTO CREDIT: ONEXONE.org

The going rate for a hot lesbian kiss with Charlize Theron? $140,000. The actress auctioned off a trip to South Africa, a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, a safari, World Cup tickets and a chance to lay one on her at a live auction for OneXOne charity last night. Us Magazine says

Theron raised the stakes when bidding [for the South Africa package] stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.

To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000.

After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.

You just don’t see enough hot lesbian action when it comes to combating childhood illnesses. I, for one, am glad to live in a world where and “masturbation” and “acute pediatric lymphoblastic leukemia” can be finally used in the same sentence!

Speaking of charity cases, pics of Lindsay Lohan shopping with her tits hanging out:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Kelly Brook’s boobs are slated to be a presenter at the “Heels That Heal” charity auction next month. The Daily Mail says

Kylie Minogue is selling her Giuseppe Zanotti heels, Cheryl Cole her fuchsia Rupert Sanderson pumps, Leona Lewis her Stella McCartney strappy sandals and Davina McCall her Carvella platform wedges [in the hopes of raising over] $1 million to fund research into women’s issues.

And judging from these pictures, “women’s issues” mostly entail things like “attempting to breathe after shoehorning your tits into a latex dress” and “not choking on your hair extensions when they crank up the wind machine to ‘full-force gale.’” I hope one million is enough to cover it.

Vintage Ralph Lauren modeling pics:

Oh look, wee tiny Brangelinas.  Made out of lipstick.  How… nice?  Okay, they’re being auctioned for charity, so I guess it’s pretty nice.  Cosmetics site feelunique.com teamed with artist Willard Wigan to sculpt miniatures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie out of lipstick after they topped a poll for the world’s most kissable lips.  Wigan spent more than 50 hours carving the micro sculptures, which each measure a scant 9mm in height and 4mm in width.  Now they’re being auctioned as a set, with all proceeds going to Breast Cancer Campaign.

Here’s artist Willard Wigan with the sculptures, and I seriously love how he’s looking at them like he wants to bite their heads off: