Newly-released audio of the 911 call (listen after the jump) placed from Demi Moore’s home the night she was hospitalized after having a seizure suggest that not only was she high on whip-its — she’d also been smoking incense laced with synthetic cannabinoids, or “Spice” as it’s known around most middle schools. Radar Online says:

[The caller can be heard telling the 911 operator]: “She smoked something, it’s not marijuana, it’s similar to incense. She seems to be having convulsions.”

Addiction specialist Dr. Phil Dembo… believes Moore was smoking K2 Spice, which is currently legal in the U.S. but under investigation by the Drug Enforcement Agency.

“It sounds like Demi smoked K2 Spice,” Dr. Dembo, who has not treated Moore, said. “The problem with synthetics of any kind is they can cause anxiety or depression and cause panic or hyperventilation type of experience. There is racing of your body and those things chemically take you over.”

Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel has nothing to do with Demi Moore or pititful seventh-grade emo cutter attempts at substance abuse, but she has very, very shiny limbs, and you know how easily distracted I am by anything shiny. I’m curious like a cat. And that’s why my friends call me “Whiskers,” not because I had a chin hair that grew almost an inch long before I finally noticed it. I’m pretty sure that was just a coincidence.

Candice Swanepoel in Vogue China:

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Christian Bale may have turned into a bit of an asshole these last few years (which, along with his Grizzly Adams look has ruined my horny for him), but you have to give him some credit for confronting some pissed off Chinese guards. Too bad he didn’t bust out some mad Batman skillz. Says E! Online,

While in China promoting The Flowers of War, a war drama set in 1930s Nanjing, the Oscar winner attempted to pay a visit to activist and attorney Chen Ghuangcheng, a blind family man who’s been under house arrest since his release from prison last year on charges of damaging property and disrupting traffic during a protest.

And the flock of guards who are stationed outside Chen’s property didn’t take kindly to Bale’s arrival, as shown in the footage shot by the CNN crew who made the trip with the actor to the village of Dongshigu in eastern China.

“I am here to see Chen Guangcheng,” Bale told the guards in English, as one of his guides translated.

The guards, bundled up in winter coats and hats, replied sternly, “Go away!” A few of them also physically tried to turn the group around back down the driveway.

When they were denied entry, Bale took out a little camera and started filming the action and started asking, “Why can I not visit this free man?” In an effort to get him to stop, several guards shoved him and grabbed for his camera.

Once back in their car on the way to Beijing, Bale explained, “What I really wanted to do was to meet the man, shake his hand and say what an inspiration he is.”

Meanwhile, some of Chen’s guards had piled into their own van and gave chase to Bale and the crew.

I think this was a big misunderstanding. See, the problem is is that Christian passed by the “Prisoner Chen Guangcheng Souvenir Store” and didn’t even buy anything. You know how those Asians get all uptight about that. What the guards were really saying was, “You not buy anything, you go! You go now!”

Kelly Brook’s bikini-clad body has been plastered all over condom boxes in China, but the model-turned-actress never signed any endorsement deal with Eyesome condom manufacturers or authorized use of the photo. The Daily Mail says

Her management are investigating for [unauthorized] endorsement.

The 29-year-old is pictured in a sultry pose on the 12-packet boxes with Chinese branding stamped across her body. The condoms are available to buy for around [$2] in certain Chinese supermarkets and on the internet.

The firm also appears to have lifted the image of U.S. actress Mena Suvari.

I’m sure the first thing that struck you as odd were the size of the boxes. These condoms are marketed for Asians, right? Have you ever seen their genitals? That entire package doesn’t need to be any bigger than a matchbook, tops. Let’s be realistic here. The only thing some Chinaman’s going to do with a rubber that big is wear it like a pair of thigh-high panty-hose.

Kelly in Los Angeles this month:

And in a bikini on the French Riviera just because: