The Daily Mail attributes Gwyneth Paltrow’s recent weight lost and arduous fitness regime to her mysterious hospital visit on Monday, but rumors of a possible pregnancy are starting to surface elsewhere on the net. According to Rush and Molloy:

“[Husband Chris Martin and she] looked very serious,” a witness tells us. “She looked upset. They went right past everyone and into the elevator. It seemed like they were expected.” Our spy [also reported] that Martin and Paltrow entered Mount Sinai’s maternity wing, the Klingenstein Pavilion.

I’d say a baby sounds about right. You don’t usually go into the maternity ward with “bulimia” or “removing the giant stick from your pompous ass.” Just like you wouldn’t go to a proctologist for swollen tonsils and a sore throat. Not unless you want to find out the distance from your asshole to the back of your throat in medical tubing feet,¹ that is. It’s not pleasant, believe me, but it’s a real conversation starter at parties.

¹_{That’d be 26 feet and 11 inches, for those of you interested.}

An unusually smiley Gwyneth leaving a pub in North London last month: