Rejoice! Your faith in Christian Bale can now be restored — his mother and sister filed those unfortunate assault charges earlier this week after he refused them a $200,000 loan. It’s all starting to make sense now! According to The Sun

The women said sister Sharon needed [$200,000] to help her bring up her three children. Christian was asked to loan [it to] her but refused and that caused an almighty row. Sources close to Bale said Jenny inflamed the situation by hurling insults about his wife.

[His mother and sister say] they did not want any publicity. But they say he bullied them. They are both devastated that it has come to this but want him to be taught a lesson.

You can always count on relatives to show up at an inopportune time and start demanding money. Especially in my family, where the monetary demands occasionally come with a court-ordered paternity test. Did I mention I’m from the South? Woo doggie! Cue the banjo music and the moonshine jug any time now.

At the Dark Knight premiere in Spain (1 & 2) and in London:

It’s not looking good for Christian Bale.

Everyone was hoping that the Batman actor might have been arrested yesterday for verbally assaulting his mother and sister — what with England’s silly Class 4 and 5 “verbal assault with an intent to cause alarm” clauses — but no dice. It looks like there was actual physical contact between him and his mother. TMZ reports

We’re told Bale pushed his mom out of the way during an altercation. She was not hurt and did not fall down. There’s a division of opinion on whether the contact was a “push” or a “brush.”

Well, that doesn’t sound so bad, does it? I mean, who hasn’t wanted to push their nagging mother out of the way of the door so they could walk out of the room during an argument? So, it looks like this was all a big misunderstanding. Christian doesn’t have an unpredictable and violent temper. Right? Um, not exactly. TMZ goes on to say

Bale was on the set last Friday shooting “Terminator 4.” During a scene, the director of cinematography screwed up a shot — at least in Christian’s mind. Bale went ballistic, screaming “I will kick your ass” along with other choice remarks. Several hundred people heard the outburst — including Military Police — which was described as “intense.”

We’re told Bale was “extremely tired and having a bad day.”

Okaaay… I guess… so maybe the day of the assault was just another “bad day” for Christian. He’s not like that all the time. *crosses fingers* Right? The Daily Mail says

Christian can have a terrible temper. Instead of lashing out at his wife, he sometimes lashes out at people around him.’

Jesus, I give up. The only thing I got is that his mom was a former circus clown. And if there’s one thing my grandpa always told me, it’s that you can’t trust circus folk. He also told me that you couldn’t trust the Japanese and that redheaded people are lazy and that black people run faster than white people because they have an extra bone in their foot, so I wouldn’t exactly call him to the stand or anything. But hey, at least it’s something.

Batman actor Christian Bale had assault charges filed against him yesterday while in London for the British premiere of The Dark Knight. But here’s the shocker: the charges were filed by his own mother and sister. According to The Sun

He is alleged to have lashed out on Sunday night at Park Lane’s Dorchester Hotel where he has a suite. Mum Jenny, 61, and sister Sharon, 40, who lives in Dorset, went to a police station in Hampshire yesterday to lodge the allegation. The matter was referred to the Met Police. Detectives… are expected to quiz the Wales-born actor today.

I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Christ, I’d pay fifty dollars American to get smacked around by Christian motherfucking Bale. A hundred if he kept the Batsuit on. His mother and sister should be thanking him for the privilege, not bitching to the cops like a couple of ingrate stepchildren. Pearls before swine, I tell ya. Stinging, hand-print-leaving pearls before swine. Some people just don’t know how lucky they are.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Christian has been arrested and taken in for questioning.