These photos of 29-year-old Christina Ricci in a bikini in Miami with her new boyfriend are really amazing. I mean, with all that forehead, you’d think they’d have to print a “to be continued” on every last one of the pics, but they somehow managed to fit all of it inside the frame. That’s some serious quality photography right there. I bet it’d be like watching a goddamn drive-in movie if you could see inside her head when she dreamed.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

I have an evening update for you, my pretties.  It seems that Christina Ricci and Owen Benjamin have called off their engagement, presumably because the power of their love failed to overcome the laws of physics and make the corresponding parts line up correctly to facilitate true intimacy.  Sometimes love just ain’t enough, I guess.  From People:

Christina Ricci and her comedian boyfriend Owen Benjamin have ended their engagement, sources tell PEOPLE.

“Owen had a birthday party this past Sunday, and everything seemed fine. Sometime after, they got into a fight and decided to reevaluate things. [Then] the engagement was off,” says a source close to the couple.

Another source close to the actress says the pair called off the engagement before last week. “They really are still close,” adds the source. “They talk almost every day. It was a very mature decision and they both felt good about it. They’re definitely still friends.”

A rep for Ricci had no comment.

If it’s true that they’ve split up, that makes me sad in the pants because Christina Ricci is almost inhumanly adorable and it displeases me to think that such cuteness could be showered by the heavens with anything but sparkling happiness.  The fact that there seems to be some dispute over when, precisely, the split took place and her rep’s refusal to comment could mean this is merely a rumour… which would also mean there’s still hope for their as-yet-unborn horde of traveling sideshow giant midget children.  Midget giant children?  Whatever.  Freakshow!  With sequinned costumes!  Mend your rifts and make it happen, lovebirds!

We need some less depressing news after the bucket of sadness and tragedy that was the last post.  Oh, look — this’ll do:

Adorable wee elfling Christina Ricci is engaged to her Gigantor boyfriend Owen Benjamin, her rep confirmed Tuesday.  The 5′1″ Ricci met the 6′6″ Benjamin last year on the set of their film All’s Faire in Love, and they began dating last fall.  Ricci is 29, and Benjamin’s age seems to be a complete mystery, as I couldn’t find it anywhere in my extra diligent 14-second Google search (I am a research warrior!).

I hope they have a horde of children, in a progressive series of alternating height extremes, and then start their own traveling family sideshow.  With costumes.  Sequinned costumes.

Teeny Christina and ogre-sized Owen going to Guacho Grill in Studio City:

Christina Ricci looks pretty hot in the Spring edition of Hollywood Life, but you can’t trust the photographs. Christina is one of those unfortunate people who can look positively stunning or like a goblin, depending on the angle. She’s worse than bar lighting. You could go to bed with that hot chick from “Sleepy Hollow” and wake up next to Gollum with a bigger forehead. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Happy Fourth, you snarky bastards! I’ll see you Monday!

Christina Ricci was photographed yesterday looking like she ought to be crouched behind an underground organ in a Paris opera house instead of leaving a Beverly Hills tanning salon. She’s a dead ringer for Lon Chaney’s 1925 Phantom. Luckily, what the original Phantom of the Opera was lacking in purging noises and compulsive exercising, Christina Ricci deftly brings to the table with her index finger and esophageal sphincter!

Unrelated Naomi Campbell crying at her 38th birthday on P. Diddy’s yacht:

An unnamed man was seen in Berlin yesterday with this hell spawn slightly resembling actress Christina Ricci. The guy apparently must be impervious to demon attacks, because otherwise he’s either just really brave or really stupid to be standing next to that thing like that. Those sunken dead eyes are chilling me to my core — just looking at them through the screen. The more I stare at it, the more I expect the thing’s grinning jaws to open up and produce a tiny, gnashing Christina Ricci head screaming, “I’ll eat your soul! I’ll eat your soul!” like some sort of horrible nightmare come alive.

More of Jack Skellington’s illegitimate daughter after the jump.

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Christina Ricci recently revealed some behind the scenes tidbits from Black Snake Moan, not the least of which being that she stayed nude for most of the shoot; even when cameras stopped rolling. MSN Reports:

“I didn’t cover up between shots because I had to get used to being like that and get into the way (my character) was thinking,” Ricci told the London Mirror. “It didn’t matter to her whether she had clothes on or not, so I needed to lose any self-conscious affectations.”

With an apparent case of “Diarrhea of the Mouth” Ricci goes on to say:

“They didn’t even want me to audition,” Ricci said. “But I bleached my hair, auditioned and they still weren’t fully convinced. They were worried I wasn’t going to be sexual enough, so my agents and publicist just inundated them with sexy images of me. Eventually they said, ‘OK, we’ll hire her.’”

Wow, hear that, aspiring Hollywood starlets? That is what I call acting! To really get into the mind of the naked whore, you have to be the naked whore.

I personally didn’t see Black Snake Moan, because I honestly have no interest in seeing a giant anorexic forehead with tits writhe around chained to a radiator for two hours. But I can’t even begin to imagine what these “sexy images” consist of without throwing up in my mouth, since this photo of her taken last week looks like John Waters in drag only with more wrinkles. Seriously, though! Would you look at that face? For someone who’s not yet 30, I’ve seen less wear and tear on homeless prostitutes who make extra dough sidelining as test subjects for tobacco companies. Also? I’m pretty sure my 60-something Aunt has been wearing that same shade of lipstick since 1982, and she wears it better.

After the jump a full body shot and an extreme close-up. You’ve been warned.

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Christina Ricci revealed she sent in sexually explicit pictures of herself to land the role of a sex abuse victim in her controversial new movie “Black Snake Moan,” which also stars Samuel L. Jackson and Justin Timberlake. The 26-year-old actress spends most of the movie half-naked and chained to a radiator. She says:

“My agent inundated writer/director Craig Brewer with photo shoots I’d done that are pure sex shoots.”

Some years ago, I sent pictures of myself naked to land a role in “Legends of the Fall,” but somehow, Brad Pitt got the role instead of me. My pictures landed on an amateur porn site and I became famous at the office.

Yeah, I’m a pirate and I like tattoos, but Christina Ricci is not my kind of girl. Because a woman who has more tattoos than a sailor scares the shit out of me.

More tattoos after the jump.

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