It was revealed last month that Salma Hayek’s billionaire husband Francois Henri-Pinault was the mystery father of 90′s supermodel Linda Evangelista’s bastard child, and before you clutch your pearls and gasp with disbelief, you should know that little Augustin was not the product of an affair — he was conceived back in 2006 while Henri-Pinault and Salma were on a break. Long story short, Linda Evangelista is now demanding $46,000 a month in child support from her baby daddy. Us Magazine says:

Evangelista, 46, arrived at Manhattan family court on Monday to argue her case; Support Magistrate Matthew Troy called the request “the largest support order in the history of the Family Court.”

Evangelista’s lawyer argued that monthly sum — totaling $552,000 a year — would cover costs for round-the-clock nannies, drivers and security detail to keep little Augustin well-adjusted and safe.

Half a million dollars a year? I think that’s a bit much. I’m a mother, and I know firsthand that all you really need to keep a child “well-adjusted” and “safe” is a monthly WIC check, a Play Station 3, and the Cartoon Network. It’s up to the public school system to do the rest.

Linda Evangelista + the greatest supermodels of the 90′s — Helena Christensen, Claudia Schiffer, Eva Herzigova, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, and Stephanie Seymour — in GQ Russia earlier this year:

There were rumors before, but it’s all but been confirmed that the father of January Jones’ unborn baby is the director of her latest movie “X-Men:First Class,” Matthew Vaughn. It’s also looking like Vaughn’s supermodel wife Claudia Schiffer has been wise to the affair since April. E! Online says:

According to multiple knowledgeable X-Men sources, Vaughn and Schiffer “abruptly” left town at roughly the same time Jones made her surprise baby announcement in April, even though the couple was tentatively scheduled to stay on through May.

[Additionally, Matthew was a no-show at the premiere of his own movie] in New York yesterday— but January [and] other cast members [were there].

His rep [claims] Matthew could not attend the New York screening because of a “severe” case of tonsillitis. Miraculously, though, Mr. Vaughn still seemed quite the chatty Cathy for X-Men interviews on the same day. His health seemed to be in tip-top shape.

Multiple sources from the set insist Jones and Vaughn were “very close” throughout shooting.

Something’s not adding up here, and it’s not just Vaughn’s dubious throat.

So he swapped one frigid rail-thin blonde for another just like her, only one younger and less attractive. How very sexually adventurous of him. What do you want to be he even uses his left hand to masturbate sometimes? Crazy!

Claudia in Cannes; January at the premiere last night:

Being the generous and thoughtful girl that I am, I’ve decided to give you your Christmas present early this year. I hope naked supermodels are your thing! Otherwise, I’ve got some hand-knitted oven mitts with your name all over ‘em. They all say “faggot,” in case you’re wondering. It just makes being the office Mystery Santa so much more entertaining.

Timeless beauties Claudia Schiffer, Eva Herzigova, and Helena Christensen:

Ever heard that old joke that goes, “What’s better than a supermodel in a swimsuit?” Well, just so you know, the answer is supposed to be “SIX supermodels in a swimsuit.” If you answer “A pocket full of roofies and a hand-held video camera,” everyone stars staring at you all weird and covering their drinks.

From V Magazine’s first ever swimsuit issue starring Kate Moss, Gisele Bundchen, Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell, Eva Herzigova, and Daria Werbowy:

David Copperfield had his hard drive and digital cameras yanked by the FBI last week because he’s a sicko pervert who doesn’t know how to approach women. According to TMZ

Copperfield designed part of his show around “a system for picking up women.” During his show, David goes into the audience and chooses women to come on stage. [If] David likes a girl, he’ll use code words with assistants like “mama” and “secrecy.” The assistants mark the women on a map of the inside of the Hollywood Theater at MGM Grand. After the show, the women are brought backstage. The women are told that David may use them in his show when he comes to their hometown. They are then photographed with a digital camera, asked questions like, “What is your favorite men’s cologne?” and “Where do you like to vacation?” We’re told one of those vacation spots mentioned by staff is the Bahamas, where the accuser claims she was assaulted. Copperfield owns a cluster of islands in the Bahamas — which he bought for $50 million.

This jerkoff is wasting an insane amount of time and effort. First of all, he’s rich, and being rich is the single easiest way into a woman’s pants. Not because of the fancy cars or the big houses. It’s because Rohypnol and GHB cost money. So does rope, duct tape, knitting needles, disposable razors, fire ant farms, eighteenth century iron restraints, and enemas. Doesn’t seem like much, but believe you me, it all adds up in the end!

Ex-fiancee Claudia Schiffer at the Swarovski Fashion Rocks concert last week: