This is Daiana Ygropoulou (pronounced “Nice Rack”) in the November ‘09 issue of Greek Nitro Magazine.  I’ve never heard of Dalailama Youngroupooloop or Nitro Magazine, but I didn’t see the point in asking questions and neither should you.

Katy Perry put the girls front and center when she showed up a Mika concert in Hollywood on Friday. Speaking of Mika, what’s the hardest part of going to a Mika concert? Telling your parents you’re gay. High five!

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

PHOTO CREDIT: ONEXONE.org

The going rate for a hot lesbian kiss with Charlize Theron? $140,000. The actress auctioned off a trip to South Africa, a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, a safari, World Cup tickets and a chance to lay one on her at a live auction for OneXOne charity last night. Us Magazine says

Theron raised the stakes when bidding [for the South Africa package] stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised.

To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000.

After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.

You just don’t see enough hot lesbian action when it comes to combating childhood illnesses. I, for one, am glad to live in a world where and “masturbation” and “acute pediatric lymphoblastic leukemia” can be finally used in the same sentence!

Speaking of charity cases, pics of Lindsay Lohan shopping with her tits hanging out:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Katy Perry was front and center at the Louis Vuitton fashion show in Paris yesterday in this sexy little number. Rowr. Now, don’t speak French, but I think it’s pretty obvious “haute couture” must mean “massive cans.” Everything sounds fancier when you say it in the language of love.

Mischa Barton and some little friend of hers were walking to the Bowery Hotel yesterday, and Mischa was… well, she was certainly filling out her dress.  She busted one of her ass seams:

I don’t get Mischa Barton.  She’s certainly not fat, but she’s not very well toned and she picks out the world’s most unflattering outfits.  She’s got great bone structure, but her hair’s a damn mess and she spackles her eyes like she’s a blind crack whore.  I just don’t get it.  But whatever it is, she’s outta the psych ward now so I want her to knock it off and try harder.

This is Blake Lively on the set of “Gossip Girl” yesterday.  I’ve never seen an episode of “Gossip Girl”, because I’m not a junior high girl or a 39-year-old gay man, but I’ve seen a lot of pictures of the people on that show and it’s obvious to me that the wardrobe department hates them all.  Every last one of these fools is always dressed like a jackhole.  Just look at this butt ugly dress they’ve stuffed Blake Lively into.  She looks like Grey Gardens Barbie.

Blake clearly understands the best way to detract from a hideous outfit is to bring as much focus as possible onto your boobs:

Today is turning out to be dumb and boring, and I was going to turn this lull into an opportunity to discuss the vital importance of flossing because you really can’t put a price on a healthy smile and OH LOOK BOOBIES!

I don’t really know who the hell this lady is.  Her name is Elisa Benitez and apparently she’s the Mexican Tyra Banks.  I’d like to think that means she runs around shrieking about how she was rooting for you, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU, and then she shows you her fierce walk where she almost breaks her nose with her own kneecap, and then Miss Jay tells us we better work it like it’s for sale and the rent is due tonight, and then an insane blonde girl pees in an adult diaper and falls into a houseplant… and I kind of forgot where I was going with this.

Rachel McAdams wore a cut-to-there dress at the premiere of “The Time Traveler’s Wife” last night. Too bad she couldn’t travel back in time and get an actual pair of boobs. I’ve seen better cleavage on a slab of boromullite! Get it? Boromullite is a mineral that doesn’t even have cleavage! Yep, nothing stings more than a good petrology burn. Plenty more where that came from, baby! Woo!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

This is Ashley Greene at the Rock & Republic Robertson store opening.  Ashley Greene is in those Twilight movies, where she plays Alice Cullen.  Twilight sucks hard like a Dyson vacuum, but you know what doesn’t suck?  Cleavage.  Everybody loves breasts, right?  Right.

I do have one question, though.  Why is Ashley having so much trouble just standing still?  Why the hell are all these Twilight chicks so damn clumsy and awkward looking?  When they’re in dirty jeans, Chuck Taylors & sloppy hoodies they do an okay job of keeping themselves upright, but stick ‘em in a dress and a pair of heels and all of a sudden they’re like giraffes with fetal alcohol syndrome.  How is it possible that every one of these bitches always looks like she’s about to tip the fuck over?  They can’t all be stoners, can they?  Listen, there’s nothing wrong with smoking up once in awhile, but there is a TIME and a PLACE for rendering yourself the mental equivalent of a squirrel after a frontal lobotomy, and public appearances for YOUR JOB are not it.

Whatever.  Boobs:

If you ever wondered what Gollum might look like as a post-op transsexual in a cheap wig, wonder no more. I bet Benjamin Button’s head looked just like Tori Spelling’s left tit when he first started to crown.

In Mordor Palm Springs with her kids and husband this weekend:

You could just imagine yourself motorboating Uma Thurman at the 2009 Women of Discovery Awards yesterday, or you could pour five pounds of room-temperature ricotta into a pair of old wineskins and actually live the experience for yourself. It really doesn’t matter to me.

Ali Lohan posed for Jonathan Ressler’s ‘Extraordinary Women Exhibit’ in Times Square yesterday, presumably right next to a train station where a grieved watchmaker had built a clock that ran backwards. She looks like she could be 30 years old, and she’s only fourteen. Soft cheeses don’t age that fast.