This is George Clooney’s latest floozy.  It should shock no one to learn that she’s a cocktail waitress, although at least this one doesn’t have my name, thank God.  No, this one’s name is Lucy Wolvert.  She’s from Miami and she’s 23 (Clooney, by the way, is 48).  She’s an “aspiring model” (translation: starfucker) and she has a MySpace which she hasn’t updated since 2006 and is mostly all about how in love she is with some frat-looking dude named Landon.  She seems like she’s pretty much clinically retarded, which incidentally appears to be exactly Clooney’s type.

I hope everyone out there had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed their time off! I know I did. Typing with your face is really hard and barf makes all the keys stick together, so posting hungover is never really an option for me.

And speaking of barf — gold medalist Michael Phelps is so serious about his new girlfriend Caroline Pal that he took her home to spend Thanksgiving with his family. And just who is this princess who’s captured his heart? People Magazine reveals

Pal [is] a waitress at the Palms Casino Resort’s Moon Nightclub.

The Olympic champ has been dating Pal, 26, for about two months. The two met after his record-setting performance in Beijing last summer.

Nothing like a family holiday where drinking is encouraged to test the fortitude of one’s new relationship. Especially if the new girl you’re debuting is some skank whose only talents seem to be “too ugly to be a showgirl” and “possible distant cousin of Tila Tequila.”

All class: