Now you can honestly say that you’ve seen Coco’s ass from every angle imaginable. I thought that was only possible with one of those bullet time cameras they used in the Matrix.
Coco has since removed this photo of her lying naked next to her baby nephew from her Twitter page, because for some reason, people found it “objectionable.” And I bet the social worker that’s coming to visit will be even more uncool about it. You know how those guys freak out every time they see visible genitalia.
Apparently yesterday was Thong Thursday with Coco, but I never got the memo. Presumably because Coco’s ass crack ate it.
Conan O’Brien’s new show on TBS premiered last night with the triumphant return of faithful sidekick Andy Richter. I’m sure the execs at NBC thought it sucked. Remember, those are the same guys who gave “Outsourced” the green light for another season. They wouldn’t know funny even if it put on a bear costume and masturbated in their faces.
Alyson Michalka of “Phil of the Future” and “Hellcats” in Maxim; more Conan after the jump:
Asking you to choose between Coco and JWoww is like asking you to choose between hemorrhoids or anal warts. Neither one of them is that great, but at least JWoww’s tits aren’t rectangular. Coco’s look is not so much “cleavage” as it is “capsular contracture.” Gross.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Here’s Nicole “Coco” Austin leaving her imprint on the fashion world. And by “imprint”, I mean “getting pummeled by twin silicone bags”. This look here is for that woman who doesn’t know just what to dress up her butt implants with. What exactly would you call the dressing up of asses? Asserdashery? I don’t know. Coco is treading upon a whole new world of prêt-à-porter here. I just hope she doesn’t decide to sit down.
A nightmare incarnate to Karl Lagerfeld at Sachika Twins S/S 2011 Fashion Show in New York:
Being the demure flower that she is, Ice-T’s wife Coco posted a picture of herself getting her muff waxed on Twitter yesterday (it has since been removed), with nothing but a thin little strip of gauze to protect her modesty. Now, it’d be a different story if they were waxing ass crack in this pic. That little strip of gauze wouldn’t cut it. You’d need a whole goddamn ream of fly paper and a couple of rolls of painter’s tape, maybe a caulking gun and 25 square feet of ace bandages. Just one more reason to be glad you’re not a Korean immigrant.
Coco is built exactly like a blonde Jessica Rabbit, which I guess would make Ice-T a bunny with a speech impediment who has a seizure whenever anyone says, “Shave and a haircut.” I don’t really have a point here, but I do have pictures of Coco on a boat from a photoshoot for… some damn thing. I don’t know. Probably an ad for silicone or industrial lubricant, I would imagine.
Coco was on Miami Beach with her husband Ice-T and her nieces yesterday, and as usual she looked like what would happen if Geppetto had a side business carving adult-oriented puppets, and the Blue Fairy showed up drunk and brought the wrong puppet to life.
Coco Austin poses for next month’s issue of JM magazine in an artful and tasteful homage to understated elegance and timeless sophistication. No, I’m just kidding! For Chrissakes, she’s dragging her ass against a wall in this pic like she’s Baloo the fucking Bear, only with a stack of bricks instead of a palm tree. You have to figure a tree trunk on a palm wouldn’t get the job done. It’d probably just get lodged in her crack and give her some wicked splinters. Better to go with something bigger, like a wall or an aircraft carrier landing deck. There’s safety in massive square footage.
It’s like my mom always said — subtlety is for pussies. That’s why you should always remove your g-string using only the heel of your lucite platforms and take lots of bird’s-eye pictures of your own tits and post them on the internet. Coco: because waving a red flag in front of your vagina is just a little too cerebral!
Coco is a great visual reminder that you can’t spell “classy” without the word “ass.” You also can’t spell “assertoric” without the word “ass,” but I don’t really see how Aristotlean logic ties in with anything here. Let’s try and keep it relevant, people.
One more of her other S&M outfit and a week’s worth of Twitter pics:
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