I was wondering what Margaret Cho was doing in such a stupid hat until I read the tags on the pics. Turns out that’s not Margaret Cho at all. It’s “American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson. Who knew? Yeah, apparently she’s endorsing Republican candidate Ron Paul now. And also probably Hostess and Entenmann’s, respectively.
Putting on a free show for the Sugar Bowl FanJam in New Orleans on Sunday:
Say what you want about Joe Manganiello, but I think he is frakking hot. In case you didn’t know, he plays werewolf Alcide on True Blood, and let me tell you, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for shedding. Plus, this clip makes up for those garish yellow sneakers. Go ahead, I’ll wait while you watch it. I do, all the time. Aaaaaabs.
Rihanna performed yesterday in Madrid at the Palacio de los Deportes in a plastic jewel-encrusted bikini. I’m not sure who designed it, but it looks like a 65-year old lady’s fantasy. All that’s missing is a embroidered teddy bear in the middle of the top and a kicky straw hat and you’ve have half the population of Miami clapping their hands in delight.
Nicki Minaj made an appearance this morning for Good Morning America’s Summer Concert Series, and naturally her boob managed to finagle its way out of her low-cut top into the open for millions of viewers to see. I don’t know why anyone would be surprised this would happen, it’s Nicki-skanky-Minaj for chrissakes. You’ve kind of got to expect this kind of thing, just like you’d expect a baboon to pick its ass. The only thing that would have been surprising would be if some actual talent had popped out.
If “Use Somebody” and “Sex on Fire’s” constant radio play hadn’t already made you hate Kings of Leon, this ought to do the trick: frontman Caleb Followill walked out of their performance in Dallas this weekend because he was “too hot.” Sorta like the time he walked out on a concert in St. Louis because there were too many bird poopies, but way pussier. TMZ says:
The Kings of Leon concert in Dallas, TX ended early last night after lead singer Caleb Followill left the stage… and never returned.
Caleb complained of the heat and said he was going backstage to vomit and drink a beer. But when it became clear he wasn’t coming back, two of the other band members took to the mic and apologized for the fact Caleb couldn’t finish the show.
But they did throw him under the bus before leaving, saying, “Hate Caleb, not us.”
I fucking hate the Kings of Leon. I hated their Strokes meets Creedence Clearwater Revival hipster cowboy schtick even before they started sucking musical dick, and I hate them even more now that they have enough name recognition for their own faggoty-ass clothing line. Caleb Followill might not be able to see past his own dick, but the rest of us already know that his biggest hits are really just the two best songs 3 Doors Down never wrote. You suck, Kings of Leon!
UPDATE: And now they’re canceling their entire U.S. tour.
Caleb and his hipster beard and his newsboy cap with his model girlfriend in Copehagen:
Whitney Houston has been banned from attending any future Prince concerts after repeatedly trying to make her way onstage at his shows while high on crack and Wild Turkey. TMZ says:
Whitney attended several Prince concerts in the last few weeks and appeared to be “intoxicated” at each show.
Whitney was constantly badgering Prince’s staff to let her up on the stage … but Team prince shot her down every time because P’s people “didn’t want her to embarrass herself.”
Our sources say Whitney’s erratic behavior, coupled with repeated and excessive ticket demands became too much for Prince — and his team ultimately banned Houston from his concerts.
Personally, I never burn a bridge until I’ve urinated or vomited on it first, but that’s just me. Whitney wasn’t even given the chance. She got trumped before she even played her card. And ten bucks said that card would have been one of her weaves covered in puke and crack residue and a hilarious video we could watch over and over again on YouTube. Way to ruin it for everybody, Prince!
Oh, look — even MORE pics of Julianne Hough in a bikini. What are the odds?:
17-year old industry-manufactured puke Justin Bieber was egged during his Friday night performance in Sydney, Australia. If only someone had had the foresight to bring socks full of nickels to the show. The Daily Mail says:
Footage of the incident showed two eggs landing within a metre of the Canadian superstar. Four more eggs appeared to fall from directly above the singe.
He continued performing as a helper quickly cleaned up the mess.
The egg attack outraged many Biebers fans who quickly took to the internet.
One web user wrote on Thejustinbiebershrine.com: ‘Dear person who threw eggs at @justinbieber in Sydney, you now have over #9millionbeliebers after you, be afraid! We go harder than hard!’
Yes, everybody knows there is nothing more frightening that 12-year old girls armed with the internet. In fact, if the Navy Seals hadn’t taken down Bin Laden last night, they probably would have hit up a sixth grade “Our Bodies, Ourselves” class for assassins. I just wish I could be there when they find out their raging case of “Bieber Fever” is actually herpes.
Concert footage from Shakira’s show in Mexico flew around the interwebs yesterday because it appeared to show an audience member steal a ring right off her finger as she moved past (video after the jump). But that’s not what actually happened, because if you examine the video closely, you’ll see the ring is still on her hand the whole time. TMZ says:
Shakira was NOT the victim of a gutsy ring-stealing fan in Mexico last week… despite widespread reports to the contrary and a viral video which appeared to capture the crime,
Shakira’s publicist, Joseph Carozza, tells us, “There is no truth to this report. A fan grabbed her hand and she looked down. Her ring is still visible on her hand as she continued to walk through the crowd.”
So, in essence, what you have here is a complete non-story. Just like my sex life. It’s hard out there for a pimp Level 7 Mage with a 65 Magic attack and a 4 slot arc staff. Holla!
NRJ Music Awards in Paris, France earlier this year:
Ho-hum. Lady Gaga’s constant sexually-themed quotes are getting old. I sometimes think she sits around trying to think of something shocking to say. Celebrity Fix says,
Gaga has revealed to US Vogue magazine that performing on stage is her ultimate turn on.
“Sometimes, being on stage is like having sex with my fans,” said the 24-year-old.
“They’re the only people on the planet who, in an instant, can make me just lose it.”
You know, I’m starting to think that she’s really a virgin and she’s making all this crap up. It could be she’s like Allison Reynolds from the Breakfast Club. She lies about having all these sexual experiences, wears weird clothes and does strange shit to get attention because she’s neglected by her workaholic parents at home. Maybe all little Stefani really needs is a hug! I don’t think I’d be up to giving her a hug, since I really don’t like her. Do you think a punch would suffice?
Ask me why I detest most rap/hip-hop “artists”, and this is one of the reasons: It’s all about ridiculous material excess. Case in point: Jay-Z and his pompous ass demand that he’s supplied with four golf carts at his concerts. Says Female First:
Jay-Z requests four golf buggies backstage at every one of his concerts.
The hip-hop superstar – who is married to singer Beyonce Knowles – has 57 specific requirements on his rider, including requests for hand sanitizer, “nice china”, cloth dinner napkins and silver cutlery.
Jay-Z also requests four 750ml bottles of vodka and tequila, 2004 Sassicaia Italian red wine from the Bolgheri region – which costs over $200 a bottle – sugar-free Red Bull and orange juice which “must not contain fruit pulp”.
To sustain his appetite, the ’99 Problems’ hitmaker needs fresh fruit, organic bread and a bottle of honey on hand in his dressing room.
Just because you can deck yourself out in 20 pounds of gold chains and trinkets and diamonds, and walk really slowly through the crosswalk when I’m fucking late and talk really loudly on your cell phone and say the n-word in front of my kid and wear your pants so low your ass is hanging out and feel the need to grab your crotch to make a statement, doesn’t mean you should.
Enjoy some year-old footage of Justin Bieber getting pelted in the puss with a water bottle during a Sacramento radio station concert last December. I have to say, I expected a video of Justin Bieber taking it in the face to include a whole lot more semen and men in assless chaps.
The National Enquirer was the first to report that former crack addict Whitney Houston had relapsed last week, but her performance in Brisbane, Australia over the weekend pretty much confirmed it. The Daily Mail says
The American star struggled through the opening night of her tour and was left breathless and exhausted after just two songs.
And even more bizarrely, the 46-year-old took a 20 minute break to catch her breath mid-way through the show, [leaving] the stage for twenty minutes [while] her brother Gary Houston [sang] in her absence.
“The singer appeared disoriented,” wrote the Australian Associated Press, “but the final act faltered at the finale when she croaked her way through I Will Always Love You, pausing to get a drink and towel herself down just as she was about to hit the song’s epic high note, which she turned into a soft coo.”
“Soft coo” is putting it nicely. After you watch the “performance” (and I use that term loosely) for yourself below, I think we can all agree “Gollum-esque death rattle” is a hell of a lot more accurate. You could hack an old crow to death with a garden hoe and get the same acoustic experience as being front row at that concert. The only difference is the crow wouldn’t require a half-hour smoke break or charge you a hundred and fifty bucks for the pleasure.
