Beyonce did a little stage-diving in the crowd Monday night at London’s O2 arena as she wrapped up her hit song Halo in a free concert for her fans. What the video doesn’t show is the aftermath of hundreds of people’s spines simultaneously telescoping and discs herniating and lumbars spasming before they collapsed to the floor. I bet it looked just like Moses parting the Red Sea, only with more involuntary loss of bowel control and sobbing.
Thousands booed Madonna at a concert in Bucharest this week when she turned her get-in-your-cage-and-dance-monkey performance into a pulpit from which to preach her personal beliefs. Yahoo News says
At first, fans politely applauded — and the cheers gave way to jeers.
“It has been brought to my attention … that there is a lot of discrimination against Romanies and Gypsies in general in Eastern Europe,” she said. “It made me feel very sad. We don’t believe in discrimination … we believe in freedom and equal rights for everyone.”
Thousands booed and jeered her.
“I jeered her because it seemed false what she was telling us. What business does she have telling us these things?” said Ionut Dinu, 23.
Fashion magazines will tell you that if you’re pear-shaped, to try to wear clothing that draws the eye away from your hips and bottom, to play up your top half to balance your bottom half. The rules do not apply however, to Sasha Fierce. Her fashion rules say, “If it’s big, put a bow on it to make it bigger!” and “A girl can never wear too much gold or sequins. Gold sequins are even better,” and “Putting weird angles on your hips are good!”. I think she might be hiding a small village in that thing.
Britney Spears’ Circus Tour performance in Connecticut over the weekend was a big ol’ hot mess — first, she wiped out during “Get Naked,” and then she was charged onstage by a drunken fan during “Womanizer” (FF to the 2:18 mark) The Daily Mail says
The singer’s security and back-up dancers had to drag fan Kyle King away after he charged on at the show in Connecticut on Saturday night.
Shocked Britney was belting out her encore performance of Womanizer when King, 20, ran towards her and tried to dance with her. Fans at the gig say she looked ‘extremely spooked’ after the reveler was hauled away.
Britney Spears was frightened by a crazy person? How ironic. That’s like being scared of your shadow or your reflection in the mirror. Crazy is as crazy does, Britney!
UPDATE: Crazy fan explains his attack after the jump
And speaking of crazy, here’s Amy Winehouse fighting invisible ninjas:
Britney Spears was strutting her stuff at her Circus Tour concert in Anaheim, California when her tampon string worked its way out (17 second mark) and flopped around as she gyrated in a male dancer’s face. Now, before a bunch of sacred feminine moon maidens get their organic hemp panties in a twist and start calling me a misogynist, I get that having a period is a normal, natural event. But so are “taking a dump” and “delivering the afterbirth.” Doesn’t mean I want to fucking see it. Gross.
Oh look, here’s Beyoncé performing at General Motors Place, the third stop on her Sasha Fierce tour. I still think the whole Sasha Fierce thing is dumb as hell, and I see Beyoncé is still dressing like a complete lunatic (and not at all in a delightfully cute way). However, this week is so dull that there’s a fair chance I might actually die of boredom by tomorrow afternoon, and these pictures are ever so slightly more interesting than looking at protesters of the G20 Summit.
But seriously, if somebody doesn’t have the common courtesy to get arrested for something scandalous or otherwise create some news soon, I’m gonna lose my mind.
As ever, when I’m runnin’ this road show, it heralds the triumphant return of Lily Allen Cutewatch ‘09! Lily performed at Shepherds Bush Empire in London on Saturday, where she was, of course, dressed like an adorable lunatic. After the concert, Lily left with Kate Moss and went to a birthday party for Lois Winstone, who turned 24. I’m not going to bother with any pictures of Kate Moss or Lois Winstone, because I don’t care about them and that would be a lot of wasted effort on people who don’t matter.
Since I’m running this road show today, you kids know what that means… Lily Allen Cutewatch ‘09 marches on! Lily continues to cause me pain by providing me with no new pictures today, but nothing can dampen my affection for everyone’s favourite former hot mess and current sprightly charmer. Besides, I can overcome this heartache-causing obstacle by simply posting pictures from earlier this week, because I am super resourceful like that. Lily performed at The Academy in Dublin on Monday (to very favourable reviews, I might add), and of course she looked adorable even though she was wearing what is essentially the bastard offspring of a tutu and a lampshade, with some elements of a mop head or an upside down turban thrown in for good measure. If she ever shows up someplace in footie pajamas, it will pretty much be the best day of my life. Quit holding out on me, Lily!
Performing live at The Academy in Dublin on Monday:
SUPER ADORABLE UPDATE — Here’s Lily later in the show, after a not-insignificant quantity of wine. She kicked off her Louboutins and scampered about in stocking-feet for a bit, then put on a pair of Reeboks (possibly just as much for safety as for comfort):
I find that asking people if they’d like to see pictures of Brooke Hogan pole dancing is a lot like asking people if they’d like you to pour hot tar into their nostrils. Pretty much a resounding hell no. But find her attractive or not, you still have to admit she’s got that certain “je ne sais quoi ” about her. “Je ne sais quoi ” of course from the French meaning “the affect and constituion of a large ox.” Seriously, I’m surprised she doesn’t have a cart strapped to her back and a ring through her nose in these pictures.
Brooke performing at a Calle Ocho in Miami with her father in the audience:
If you didn’t hit up the pictures the quickies yesterday, Britney Spears exclaimed “My pussy is hanging out!” during her Circus tour performance in Tampa over the weekend. Well, now there’s video. Apparently her mic was actually on, which makes about as much sense as wearing a condom on your big toe. Everybody knows that the only thing faker than Britney Spears’ “singing” is Pamela Anderson’s tits and maybe professional wrestling.
Heavy rain caused Madonna to wipe the fuck out during her concert in Rio de Janeiro over the weekend (skip ahead to the 38 second mark to watch her eat it like a ball player stealing second!). The best part of the wipeout, though, isn’t the fall itself, but the recovery. No acknowledgment whatsoever that she just ate it in front of thousands of fans; instead, you get an unscripted leg lift and attempted sexiness from the floor. You know, a felled-deer-twitching-in-the-headlights kinda sexy. So instead of saying “oh, there’s my change!” or “this floor definitely appears to be a linoleum composite,” the next time you fall and want to play it cool, just spread your legs and roll onto your side, or mime sucking the dick of the umbrella-holder behind you. If it works for Madonna, it can work for you! Just like the cone bra and gimp mask.
Janet “Ms. Jackson if You’re Nasty” Jackson was forced to cancel her show yesterday after collapsing during a soundcheck in Montreal . According to TMZ
Janet Jackson was rushed to a hospital yesterday in Montreal and had to cancel her show, according to her reps. The singer “got suddenly ill” during her sound check… and went to an unnamed hospital. She’s being monitored, but no other details of her condition are available.
Jackson canceled her show in Detroit on Friday at the last minute, citing “production constraints,” and rescheduled that show.
I would guess it was some kind of infection related to gastric bypass surgery. I mean, come on — we all know she’s had it done. You don’t drop more pounds than British Parliament on Hooker Extravaganza Wednesday with just the magic of exercise and protein shakes. That said, check out the above clip from her Vancouver show. Mainly, check out the back up dancers. Every time I see people like that, all I can think about is what their poor parents have to say when someone asks how their kid is doing. “Oh, he’s just great! Thanks for asking! Have you seen this concert clip? That’s my Timmy right there! On the left! No, not that one — the submissive in the tutu.” Their parents must all be so proud!
