Corey Haim’s death is now being linked to a “massive” drug ring that used stolen prescription pads to illegally obtain controlled substances. People Magazine says

Investigators have now found that an “unauthorized” prescription in his name was linked to an “illegal and massive prescription-drug ring.”

“We know there was a prescription pad stolen and there was a prescription written for him using that pad,” [said a California Attorney General] spokeswoman.

The ring orders prescription pads from vendors using stolen doctor identities. The pads are then either sold on the street to addicts or to people who are paid to fill the prescription and then sell the drugs on the underground market. The doctor whose name is printed on the form is usually unaware that his or her identity has been stolen.

That’s fucking brilliant. Who knew you could order prescription pads over the internet by posing as a doctor? And all this time I’ve been trying to pass off hand-written sticky notes to the pharmacy! If it hadn’t been for my grandma’s stage IV pancreatic cancer, I might have never gotten my hands on any oxycontin. This is really going to save me a fortune in gas money driving back and forth to the hospice center. Thanks, Corey!

And now Brooklyn Decker in J Magazine, because she’s not an ugly tweaker:

The official results of Corey Haim’s autopsy have not been made public, but his mother claims it was actually pulmonary congestion and heart problems that killed him, not an overdose. According to People Magazine

Judy Haim says the coroner called her to disclose the actor suffered pulmonary congestion. [The] autopsy also found he had an enlarged heart along with the water in the lungs.

What role those factors played, if any, in Haim’s death isn’t known. L.A. Coroner Chief Craig Harvey notes, “There is no final cause of death at this time.”

Shortly before his death Wednesday at age 38, Haim complained of flu-like symptoms and had a high fever. The actor had long suffered from heart problems.

And God knows he was doing all he could to combat his flu-like symptoms — smoking crack five times a day instead of just three, and washing down his Xanax and Percocet with a bottle of vodka every six hours as directed. I guess it’s just one of those medical mysteries that will never really be solved. Damn you, science, for failing us once again!

Eighties teenage heartthrob Corey Haim was found dead in his Burbank apartment this morning. He was 38 years old. People Magazine says

Police say it is believed the actor, who had a long history of substance-abuse problems, perished from an accidental overdose at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday.

Haim shot to fame in the ’80s after starring in several teen films, including The Lost Boys, Lucas and License to Drive. Most notably, he collaborated numerous times with Corey Feldman, and the pair were dubbed “The Two Coreys.”

Death is tragic, and people get all huffy and hate-maily when you make fun of the recently deceased, so I’ll just raise this issue of Tiger Beat magazine to Corey Haim. No sense in wasting a perfectly good forty. I think Corey of all people would agree with me on that one.