Q: What do Polacks call toilet seat protectors?
A: Bibs

Q: How can you tell if your Cosmo is Polish?
A: It’s got Megan Fox on the cover but only one picture of her in it… and it’s in Braille.

In Polish Cosmo (first thumb); the rest are HQ stills from “Jennifer’s Body”:

Cameron Diaz is a rictus-faced jackhole with a long history of making asinine proclamations, but this is pretty ridiculous, even for her.  In an interview with Cosmo, Diaz first says that people shouldn’t have kids anymore because there are already too many people on the planet, and THEN she says that she could end up being the next Octomom.  From the Daily Mail:

Diaz told Cosmopolitan magazine: ‘I think women are afraid to say that they don’t want children because they’re going to get shunned.

‘But I think that’s changing too now. I have more girlfriends who don’t have kids than those that do.

‘And honestly? We don’t need any more kids. We have plenty of people on this planet.’

On whether she wants children of her own, Diaz said: ‘I never say never. I don’t know what’s going to happen.

‘I could end up adopting half a dozen kids, or I could end up being the next “octomum”.’

What a loudmouthed, entitled toolshed she is.  I don’t even like children, but I’d sure as hell never demand that other people stop having them and then, moments later, say I want to keep my own options open just in case I ever change my mind.  Honestly, at this point, probably the single best thing that Cameron Diaz could do for her public image would be to superglue her mouth shut.

At a screening of “Home” at the Stella McCartney store in West Hollywood:

Now that her vagina has lain dormant for a grueling three weeks, Kate Hudson has magically rekindled the “closeness” she once had with her ex-husband, Chris Robinson. Just how close, you ask? Well, genital contact close. She tells the October issue of Cosmo

“Look — [Chris and I are] still basically living together! We’ve figured it out. I mean, obviously, nothing’s perfect, but I could never look at [our divorce] as a mistake. If anything, it’s the best thing that ever happened to us.”

Trust me, the only way their child could be any more scarred by all this is if he started brushing his teeth with a curling iron and juggling knitting needles on the interstate. At least when you lose an eye to the ol’ knit-and-pearl you never have to consider how your mom’s insatiable need for cock factored into your current family dynamic.