Kate Beckinsale as the Bride of Frankenstein? More like Kate Beckinsale as the Bride of Boner-stein! Yeah, well, fuck you, too. I’ve been throwing up Mike & Ike’s and grain alcohol for the last two hours. You should know better than to expect quality writing the day after Halloween.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Kim Kardashian tried on a bunch of slutty Halloween costumes and let her fans decide what she was going to wear to Heidi Klum’s annual Halloween party, and this is what they picked. Little Head Red Riding Hood. Bo-ring! She didn’t post any pictures of herself wearing the costume I sent her, but I know it totally would have won if she had. It was just one of those bibs they clip around your neck at the dentist, only I had written the words “Squirt Here” and drawn an arrow with a magic marker. I guess it was just too subtle and understated for Kim Kardashian.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
A lot of women use Halloween as a chance to shamelessly whore themselves out, but not Heidi Klum. Heidi Klum is fucking serious about Halloween. She totally pwns everybody else’s costume every single year, hands down. There’s no point in even trying to beat her. You could light yourself on fire from inside an iron lung being pulled by an elephant wearing a Bette Midler wig and tap shoes and you’d still only look half as cool as she did.
As Electra from Starlight Express:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
It’s Kim Kardashian in a dirndl. Why ruin this beautiful moment with words?
With Mom Kris Jenner in L.A. earlier this week:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Former “America’s Next Top Model” winner Adrianne Curry was reportedly groped by a drunk guy outside of a Star Wars convention over the weekend. See if you can guess what she was wearing. Hint: it wasn’t a Bib Fortuna costume! TMZ says:
Curry called police around 3:00 AM on Sunday to report the incident that allegedly went down in front of the hotel where the Star Wars expo was going down.
The officer who arrived claims he “came in contact with the male as he lay in the bushes at the entrance to the hotel.”
[A witness] said the suspect “attempted several times to fight several other people as they stood outside waiting to be picked up for the Star Wars convention.”
The man was eventually arrested for disorderly intoxication.
Curry later Tweeted, “cops are here..molesting pervert drunk in the back of their car…going to bed … i cannot believe last night happened….love starwars…but ready to leave.”
Of course she was pissed. The guy did it all wrong. You don’t just beeline straight for the puss like a damn Tusken Raider on a krayt dragon. You’re supposed to run your tongue over your lips and say, “Soon you will learn to appreciate me” in guttural Huttese and laugh menacingly. Fucking amateurs!
Because her entire career is bantha poodoo:
Here it is bow season, and me without my compound bow! Too bad I couldn’t mount that head over my fireplace. She probably field dresses at a good hundred and ten pounds.
I guess Blitzen finally decided to come out of the closet:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
Coco is a great visual reminder that you can’t spell “classy” without the word “ass.” You also can’t spell “assertoric” without the word “ass,” but I don’t really see how Aristotlean logic ties in with anything here. Let’s try and keep it relevant, people.
One more of her other S&M outfit and a week’s worth of Twitter pics:
Here’s desperate attention-seeker Kim Kardashian skanking it up in another Disney costume for Halloween, this time as Snow White from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” But Kim doesn’t look like the Snow White I remember from the classic Disney movie. She looks more like that chick from “Blow White and the Seven Whores” — Easy, Gropey, Cock, Horny, Anal, and Humpy. There wasn’t a whole lot of whistling while they worked, as I recall. Mostly just screaming and moaning and the occasional gagging noise.
♫”I can show you the world”♫… or you could just show me your tits. I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing anyone really cares about seeing here.
Kim Kardashian as “Aladdin’s” Jasmine for Halloween:
Now here’s a costume that’s all trick and no treat! The trick of course being “an enormous shoehorn and two industrial-sized tubs of Crisco.” Mariah would have made a much more convincing Huttese crime lord or Outer Rim gas giant.
Cheesah beecha wonky Chewbacca:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online
Even MORE of Fatty Fatty Fat Fat after the jump!
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Boy, Paris Hilton never looked so believably feminine,” you should know that the Paris on the left is actually her boyfriend Doug Reinfarthardt dressed as Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz.” The one on the right is the real Paris. I was stunned, too! The Daily Mail says
What could be more frightening than the thought of Paris Hilton dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz? Easy. Her AND her boyfriend dressing as Dorothy.
The heiress, and her man Doug Reinhardt, both wore blond pigtails, dresses and red high heels for Hilton’s Halloween house party in LA last night.
The best part is, the both share the same shoe size. And bra size. And Zovirax prescription. I bet that made shopping for costumes a breeze!
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online, Bauer-Griffin
More pics of Slutenstein and company after the jump
There are reports this morning that Mel Gibson’s mistress Oksana Grigorieva has given birth to his bastard child. Mazel Tov! Maybe they’ll call her “Sugartits.” Radar Online says
It’s official – Mel Gibson is an Octo-Dad!
Mel’s fiancé Oksana Grigorieva has given birth to their baby. And pass out the cigars because it’s a healthy baby girl.
And because Mel’s Russian lady-friend looks like she should be trolling the shores of a lake looking for children to boil in her cauldron or bake in her gingerbread oven, here’s Gwen Stefani dresses as Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl from Toy Story 2. Or possibly as anybody from Texas. It’s kinda hard to tell the difference most of the time.
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online
Bonus footage of Ellen DeGeneres scaring the crap out of Taylor Swift after the jump.
