I didn’t watch the ACMA’s last night and neither did you, so don’t try to lie and say you did. I know you better than that. Honestly, aren’t we kinda past all that shit now? You don’t have to try and impress me anymore. Just like I don’t have to try to impress you. So in the spirit of our newfound honesty and openness: Brooklyn Decker Julianne Hough boobs. Also, I’m not sucking in.

Brooklyn:

Julianne:

Gwyneth Paltrow performed the title track from her upcoming movie “Country Strong” with veteran country star Vince Gill at last night’s Country Music Association Awards. As self-righteous and condescending as she can be, I have to admit I thought she did a good job. Granted, I was already two bottles into the Jose Cuervo, so you should probably take my opinions with a grain of salt. Or maybe a whole rim full of salt and a couple of slices of lime.

In a dress stolen from the set of Dancing with the Stars:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

The 2010 Country Music Awards were last night, and I’m not even gonna pretend like I watched them or even knew they were on in the first place, because I think we’re at a point in our relationship where we don’t have to put on airs for each other anymore. Not that it wouldn’t kill you to close the bathroom door once in a fucking while, but that’s a conversation for another day. I just don’t have the energy to get into that this morning.

Anyway, Carrie Underwood became the first woman to win country music Entertainer of the Year two years in a row last night blah blah blah yee-haw. MSNBC says

Underwood won the show’s top honor last year. This year, she beat out Taylor Swift, Kenny Chesney, the Zac Brown Band, Toby Keith, Brad Paisley, George Strait and Keith Urban.

Top-selling trio Lady Antebellum were the dominant winners, grabbing five trophies, including song and single record of the year for crossover hit “Need You Now,” while also snapping Rascal Flatts’ seven-year run as best vocal group.

I bet you never noticed, but the letters in “Lady Antebellum” can be rearranged to spell “dumb anal telly” and “yell lube and ATM.” I don’t know what kind of foul butthole fetishes these so-called “country singers” are covertly promoting, but I, for one, will not stand for it. Mostly because then my anus would be exposed, and I can’t take that kind of chance again. Not after what happened at the Grammys.

Lots more pics from the red carpet after the jump.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban:

Taylor Swift:

Carrie Underwood:

Leann Rimes:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

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Ground-breaking history was made at this year’s 2009 Country Music Awards, and not just because no one used a brown jug or a washboard during their performance. Yahoo News says

The 19-year-old Taylor Swift became the youngest artist ever to win the Entertainer Of The Year award. She also won Female Vocalist, Album of the Year, and Video of the Year.

Darius Rucker also went down in the CMA books as the first African American to win New Artist of the Year, as well as the first AA artist since Charley Pride to win a major individual award.

I bet the CMA committee had a lot of great gifts backstage for Taylor and Darius after the show. Things like designer jewelery and imported champagne for her and forty acres and a mule for him. I’m pretty sure that’s how they do it in the Deep South.

Taylor in a London photoshoot (12 more after the jump):

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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The 42nd Annual Country Music Awards were last night, and I’m guessing you — like me — don’t really give a shit. But People Magazine thinks you do! They say:

Kenny Chesney earned the prestigious Entertainer of the Year award for the third year in a row on Wednesday. Four-time nominee Brad Paisley didn’t just host and perform at the ceremony – he was one of the night’s major winners, including Male Vocalist and Music Video of the year for “Waitin’ on a Woman.” The singer’s co-host, Carrie Underwood, was named Female Vocalist of the Year for the third year in a row.

I’ve tried to like country music — I really have — but I just can’t seem to do it. Frankly, the only way I could have found this show any more boring is if it also included a symposium on “The Effects of Agricultural Diversification on the Economic Structure of Uzbekistan” as performed by the cast of High School Musical 3.

Taylor Swift looking fantastic in Kaufman Franco:

Reese Witherspoon in Marchesa:

Carrie Underwood in Roberto Cavalli:

Nicole Kidman and faggy husband Keith Urban:

Shania Twain (hot) vs Faith Hill (NOT):

Jewel in Roberto Cavalli and Miranda Lambert:

The newly Asian Diana Degarmo:

Kellie Pickler in Zuhair Murad and Lee Ann Womack: