Courteney Cox Filler Face

Courteney Cox really needs to lay off the dermal fillers. Her cheeks look like chicken cutlets and her lips could have been sculpted from silly putty. “Wax statue” is not a good look for anyone.

In other news…

A smiling Jessica Alba straps her crying, screaming child onto a roller coaster. (Celeb Slam)

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are allegedly done, probably because of her terrible haircut and her dream catcher tattoo. (Celebitchy)

Trust me, you need neon in your life. (Modavanti)

Vanessa Hudgens talks about the only interesting scene in her new movie. (Huffington Post)

Delusions of grandeur: Courtney Stodden edition! (Evil Beet)

Jennifer Lawrence looks amazing in a gorgeous white gown in the first of the Hunger Games: Catching Fire posters. (popbytes)

Ali Landry is pregnant with her third child! (ICYDK)

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There are some days where I feel like I’ve truly hammered my rapist’s wit into the culture of celebrity, that I’ve effectively satirized the current preoccupation with fame and excess and called it out for what it is. This is not one of those days, my friends.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

David Arquette can’t open his mouth without some stupid embarrassing drivel pouring out, so naturally Howard Stern milked it for all it was worth by having him intern on his show for a whole week. See if you can guess whether David said anything humiliating about his recent trip to Disney World with estranged wife Courteney Cox and 6-year old daughter Coco. Us Magazine says:

“Listen, I tried to fuck [Courteney while we were there], and she doesn’t even want me,” he told Stern and his crew. “Oh, that’s probably something I shouldn’t have said,” he added regretfully.

The star admitted that the family-friendly getaway got him feeling romantic and hopeful. “This is the happiest place on Earth! Let’s make it happier!”

“I mean, I love her. I love her with all my heart,” he explained.

Stern, of course, pressed for details. “How far did you get with her? Just kiss?” the shock jock asked.

“A little bit. It was like we were… eighth graders. Seventh graders.”

Howard Stern is a soulless douchebag for taking advantage of David’s loneliness and complete lack of filter whatsoever. It’s like paying a retard a quarter to do the Macarena on the back of the school bus so all the kids can laugh at him. I know David says a lot of ridiculously jack-assey things, he always seems so earnest and heartfelt that you almost have to feel sorry for him. But not sorry enough to have sex with him. That probably goes without saying.

Courteney arriving to Letterman earlier this week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

When the Lord closes a door, someway he opens a window. You’ll note that this window smells a lot like perspiration and regret. Radar Online says:

David Arquette is undergoing treatment for depression and alcohol abuse at the Betty Ford Center.

Arquette tried to cope [with the breakdown of his marriage to Courteney Cox] on his own, but was forced to seek professional help after being confronted by loved ones.

He was photographed on New Years Eve at Beacher’s Madhouse [with a] badly bruised and swollen nose.

“He told me he’d fallen down and broken his nose,” said someone who spoke to the actor at the event. “He’d actually checked into rehab before New Year’s Eve, so he had his sober coach there with him all night.”

I can’t think of a more fun job than being a sober coach on New Year’s Eve. Maybe abortion doctor Christmas Day or Kirstie Alley during Lent. Provided “Armenian bikini waxer” wasn’t already up for grabs, I mean.

David Arquette managed to sink even further down the spiral on the Howard Stern Show yesterday after admitting he was seeing a shrink and drinking like a sailor since his split from Courteney Cox. Us Magazine says:

Even the unflappable Howard Stern was concerned. “Are you having a nervous breakdown?” the shock jock asked. “I believe so,” a raspy-voiced Arquette replied.

During his one-hour chat, Arquette said that “everybody is worried and concerned about me,” and that he’s seeing a psychiatrist weekly.

“I’ve been drinking a lot because I’m heartbroken,” he said. “When I drink, I become a maniac.”

As he’s said before, his estranged wife Cox, 46, “didn’t want to be my mother. But I kind of need a mother. I want love in my life,” he said. “I need love in my life.”

The father to Coco, 6, wants more kids — and he wishes the mom could be his ex girlfriend Drew Barrymore. “I know she is with Justin Long and everything, but would cool would an Arquette-Barrymore child be?” he said. “From a pure breeding standpoint.”

There’s nothing women like more than their drunken crybaby husband talking about breeding himself with an ex-girlfriend on a nationally syndicated radio show. If you could somehow put that in a box and slap a bow on it, you’d have all the gift an estranged wife could ever want for Christmas. Unless you figure out a way to gift wrap a UTI and genital warts first.

At the launch of Skullcandy Mix Master Headphones earlier this month:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

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