Like flies to a turd, fellow musicians-turned-drug addicts Courtney Love and Pete Doherty have finally found one another. According to Real Music

Courtney Love and Pete Doherty have sparked romance rumours after the pair shared a kiss when Love visited him in rehab. The former Hole singer, a former drug addict, went to see the Babyshambles star at the Wiltshire clinic where he is battling to get clean. Pete was allowed to leave the grounds with Courtney and the pair shared a kiss after a budget meal at a British pub chain. A source said: “Pete respects Courtney for the struggle she’s faced, one that, like his, seemed insurmountable. He’s turning a corner now. They had a brilliant talk. It was touching to see them share a tender kiss after the visit. They share a common bond as both are musicians with a self-destructive streak.”

It seems like a disgusting disease-riddled cesspool match made in heaven, except for Pete’s former dysfunctional girlfriend getting in the way of things. The only thing to do? Try to rip the bitch’s clothes off in public, ugly-step-sister style. The Daily Mail reports

“Just seconds after her grand entrance, Courtney trod on [the train of Kate's dress] with both heels causing a very slight rip. Throughout the course of the evening the hole, which started just above the small of her back, began to spread. She took it in surprisingly good humour though, shrugging it off with a giggle and helping herself to another glass of wine. At midnight she went outside to the courtyard and… started whooping along with everybody else… and the tear gradually began to spread until eventually it reached her armpit. To Kate’s credit, she didn’t let the rip spoil her fun.”

I’d make some sexy joke about a supermodel half-naked catfight, but watching those two go at it would be like watching two scabby meth whores fighting over a five dollar bill laying on the ground. I guess that’d be kinda hot if you’re into big open mouth sores and the sweet perfume of Marlboro Reds and vodka, but if you’re more into hot chicks smacking each other and exposing one another’s breasts and making out like demons, then you’ll just have to come to my sister’s wedding next month. I’ve had my eye on my second cousin Amanda for a while now and I hate to let a chocolate fountain go to waste.

More of Kate’s ripped dress and a couple of upskirts after the jump

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Living with herpes can be a real hassle. When you have a herpes outbreak, it can feel like it takes days out of your life. But with Valtrex, you can learn how to still enjoy an active lifestyle with herpes. You’ll also find that Valtrex, the only once-daily medicine that can help reduce the number of your herpes outbreaks, will allow you to enjoy life and take charge again. Unless you’re Courtney Love, that is. Then we recommend Vancomycin and a three-city-block quarantine. A tub of Holy Water and some Boil-Ease couldn’t hurt either.

More of Chappy at the Marc Jacobs show in New York after the jump

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Ever the picture of mental health, Courtney Love countered recent allegations of an eating disorder in the most responsible, adult way possible — with an incoherent myspace blog entry. People reports:

In her usual stream-of-consciousness style – which includes relaxed rules for grammar and spelling – the 43-year-old rocker writes this week on her MySpace page (accessible only to her MySpace friends): “ive put on 10 pounds (thank you Sprinkles cupcakes wic h i must admit are overrated).”

You know she’s right. Cupcakes are overrated! Come to think of it, that whole “eating” thing is kind of overrated in general. Heroin on the other hand — now that’s where it’s at. Love goes on to say:

I must point out the hypocrisy of this crazy hysteria about my weight…Noones going to mistake me for Eva Longoria, andmy god I am truly hAppy to be who an what i am with my life an dmy expirience i can do so many things help so many people and make such a beautiful clothing line too! and maybe finish this dammed sript one day

No one’s going to mistake you for Eva? You sure about that, Courtney? Because when I looked at these photos I know the first thing that popped into my head was “Where’s Tony?” But then I remembered that Eva Longoria is Hispanic and not an old white haggard crackwhore with Miss Piggy makeup. It was close there, for a second though.

More photos of Courtney shopping last week, after the jump. While I do admit she looks better than last time — it’s kind of like saying Carlton was hotter than Urkel if you were forced to choose.

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Courtney Love is giving Britney Spears a run for her money in the ill-conceived and deranged “Comeback Tour” department, appearing first in London earlier this week and then last night in NYC. US Weekly reports:

Looking emaciated and haggard, the Hole singer screeched through an hour-and-a-half long set of old and new material at Hiro in NYC. The 43-year-old singer even poked fun at her skinny frame. “I requested Ensure shakes for my anorexia,” she said. “You’re going to have to wait for my eating disorder. It’s getting kinda spooky but the free clothes are great.”

She played an acoustic set for the encore wearing a revealing Marc Jacobs bustier ensemble, though she admitted she needed to “work on her butt.”

She needs to work at her butt?! Fucking gross. Before I could even stop myself, images assaulted my brain of a lone, forgotten pear in the vegetable crisper. When you finally remember about it and go to check, there it is — just sitting there all leathery and shriveled, but when you go to pick it up, of course the bottom is all rotten and oozing some nasty shit. Now, if you’ll be so kind as to pardon me whilst I regurgitate in yonder trash can.

For all you gluttons for punishment out there, more photos from her Monday concert at Bush Hall in London, after the jump.

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You probably assumed, like me, that Courtney Love’s forty-pound weight loss came courtesy of crystal meth, cocaine, and a steady diet of random nut sack. Not so. Despite her claims of counting calories and exercising her way to thin, a friend leaked that Courtney pulled a Star Jones and got gastric bypass on the sly. According to Page Six:

Love insists her fabulous new figure is due to diet and exercise, but a friend said, “She’s telling people she got the gastric band surgery. She even said she had to sleep with a towel by her because the surgery makes her [vomit] all the time and is worried she won’t be able to make out with anyone because of her breath.”

I’d be more worried about my “freak of nature leathery crow-ness” when it came to repulsing men than a little thing like “persistent vomit breath.” I’m pretty sure the average guy out there would rather make out with the parrot in that picture or stick their dick in a light socket than help themselves to a slice of the Courtney Love’s beaver. Her vagina probably has the resiliency and texture of a pile of refried beans. And God knows you don’t want to mix the smell of refried beans and puke. My car was never the same after the infamous “Chicken Chimichanga and Sombrero Shots” ended horribly in my back seat.

UPDATE: Enjoy Courtney’s scathingly well-written response to the rumors of surgery via her website after the jump.

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Newly “svelte” Courtney Love hit the beach last week in yet another unfortunately tiny bathing suit. I didn’t think anyone could steal the skin-to-spare crown from Star Jones, but as you can see, Courtney’s definitely in the running. Right behind the Australian Frilled Lizard and the Shar Pei. So much skin, so little surface area to cover!

More of Courtney and her never-ending epidermis after the jump.

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Singer Courtney Love has gone under the knife again in an attempt to look more “natural.” The Post-Chronicle reports:

Courtney Love has undergone a second rhinoplasty procedure to enlarge her nose and [have] her previously enlarged lips reduced. Courtney wrote on her blog: “I have my old nose back. I hated that nosejobby nose, it was like a little beak. I’ve had my nose fixed. It looks like the one God gave me so I’m happy not to have crazy lips and a crazy teensy unnatural little nose. All I care about is that my self esteem is limitless and intact, and that nothing and no situation affects my self esteem.”

So Courtney Love has self-esteem? How did that happen? I figured she was a self-mutilator always a bottle of whiskey away from blowing her own head off. You know, on account of the pastiness and ugliness and everything. All ugly people are self-destructive and suicidal, right? I wouldn’t really know, because I’m so fucking gorgeous. Seriously, this one time a little boy with epilepsy touched my face and he was healed. And I’m pretty such my vagina is a portal to immortality. Just ask my ex-husband — I fed him arsenic for a year straight and the bastard still didn’t die. Beauty as powerful as mine can be such a burden sometimes.

I’m sure when you think “parental role model” and “maternal instinct,” the first person that comes to mind is Courtney Love. Spot-on. You can’t forget the important role Kurt Cobain played in his child’s life before he offed himself in a heroin-induced stupor. Sunday’s Page Six revealed,

It was a wild scene at the hospital when Courtney Love gave birth to her and Kurt Cobain’s only child, Frances Bean, an upcoming tell-all reveals. In “Nirvana – The Biography,” author Everett True describes how Cobain and Love both ended up at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. within days of each other in August 1992 – the grunge rocker checking in for a 60-day heroin detox stint and Love, a few days later, for complications arising from her pregnancy.

Two weeks into his stay, Love found herself about to go into labor. According to True: “Courtney grabbed her intravenous drip stand at 4 in the morning, and wheeled it down the corridors to where Kurt was staying. ‘You get out of this bed and come down now!’ she screamed. ‘You are not leaving me to do this by myself, [fuck] you!’

“Her husband followed her to the delivery room – weakened from his treatment, and hooked up to an IV stand himself – and passed out just moments before Frances was born.” Then things got even weirder when, as Courtney related to True, “I’m having the baby, it’s coming out, [Kurt's] puking, he’s passing out and I’m holding his hand and rubbing his stomach while the baby’s coming out.”

I got a little tear in my eye when I read that. It sounds like something from a movie, or a wonderful fairy tale. A fairy tale where the young princess cowers under her bed while the queen and king scream obscenties at each other and then shoot up in the tower room. And the king wields a shot gun and the queen screams, “I should have had a fucking abortion!” on a regular basis. The end.

It turns out that sobriety isn’t everything Courtney Love thought it was going to be. The widow of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain claims that random sexual intercourse with strangers has become a thing of the past since abandoning the booze and heroin. She tell the Post-Chronicle:

“The only thing with sobriety is that promiscuity goes right out the window. I don’t have a boyfriend. This is the longest time I’ve gone without one. I wish I could hang with dykes, but I’ve got [cock] written all over my brow. I’ve had so many obsessive relationships.”

To be fair, I once had “cock” written on my forehead, too. But it was because I’d passed out at a kegger and some of my “friends” took turns decorating my face with a permanent marker, not because I’m a disgusting forty-two year old whore with the social graces of a mentally defective orangutan. My buddies also drew a couple of penises (replete with testicles) on both of my cheeks and put a swastika on my chin. The next day I scrubbed and scrubbed until my face was nearly raw, but no matter what I did, you could still make out the faint outline of marker on my skin. The best part was that I had a job interview the very next day, and they couldn’t reschedule, so I had to go with the remnants of swears and male genitals and anti-Semetic symbols still on my face. I quickly discovered that a blatant love of cock will only get you places in the music industry, because Bank of America had no interest in hiring me. Bastards.

Courtney Love has reportedly sold 25% of Nirvana’s back catalogue to Larry Mestel, a music mogul. When the sale was rumoured earlier this year, U2 singer Bono was in the frame but it appears that meetings between Bono and Love came to nothing. Courtney says:

“We’re going to remain very tasteful, and we’re going to retain the spirit of Nirvana and take Nirvana to places it’s never been before.”

That girl scares the shit out of me. She’s an unpredictable crack whore so don’t be surprised if you hear a Kurt Cobain song featuring Ashlee Simpson in the near future. Damn.

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