Ever heard the expression “too much of a good thing?” Well, I guarantee whoever said that never saw Kate Upton’s rack.
Kate Upton may be wearing the world’s smallest bikini bottoms on the cover of the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, roughly a third of the size of a surgeon’s mask. Consider it my early Valentine’s Day gift to you.
Topless in next month’s Esquire:
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover girl won’t be revealed till February 13th on Letterman, but everyone’s saying it’s going to be model Kate Upton. If so, I sure hope they shot it a while back, because Kate’s been looking a little tubby here lately. Like Anna Nicole Smith, right before she lost the battle with Twinkies and anti-anxiety medication.
Tennis star Andy Roddick’s wife Brooklyn Decker has been revealed as this year’s cover girl for Sports Illustrated 2010 Swimsuit Edition, which hits newsstands today. Also hitting today: angry women who catch their husbands trying to rub one out on Brooklyn’s face while crouching behind the riding mower in the tool shed. I can still see you from here, dumbass!
Lots more nearly-naked Brooklyn after the jump:
Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been announced as the newest face of Cover Girl cosmetics. E Online reports
The Emmy-winning daytime queen… will star in a new print and commercial ad campaign that’s rolling out in January. [DeGeneres said], “I am very, very excited about it. It’s a very cool thing, I’m honored, and the photo shoot was ‘Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, CoverGirl.’ “
Cover Girl is really trying to cover all the bases here. They’ve got Drew Barrymore for the white women, Rihanna for black women, Queen Latifah for fat women, and now Ellen DeGeneres for middle-aged lesbians. But what about dyslexic Mongolian power lifters? How long will that target demographic be ignored? It’s time that cosmetic companies started catering to the learning-disabled barbell-wielding women of East-Central Asia! We will not be ignored!
Megan Fox at the L.A. premier of Eagle Eye yesterday because she’s not middle-aged and ugly like some cover girls I know:
-
