Sinead O’Connor has checked herself into the hospital for “depression”. I’d say at this point, feeling sad is the least of her worries. Celebrity Fix reports,

Sinead O’Connor is seeking treatment for her depression, revealing on Twitter today that she’s checking into a hospital.

The Irish singer has had a tumultuous start to the year: marrying, divorcing, and then reuniting with her husband within the space of 18 days, and last week appealing to her Twitter followers for psychiatric help.

“Does any1 know a psychiatrist in dublin or wicklow who could urgently see me today please? im really un-well…” she tweeted, prompting streams of advice from concerned fans.

Today the 45-year-old announced that she’ll be “off radar for a few weeks” while she gets treatment.

“I’m going to hospital,” she tweeted. “Treatment for depression. Not at all well. But they will put me back together quick.”

“so will be back.. and smiling. Prolly 2 weeks ish,” she added. “I be grand in few weeks. was right decision to call hospital. They fab. Good team. I be me again in 2 weeks they say.”

I thought people who are depressed sit at home and stare out of windows and wallow in self-pity, not go on a whirlwind adventure of marriage and divorce and reconciliation in a matter of days. Those Cymbalta commercials makes derpression seem so much less interesting.

Carmen Electra doing dinner and cocktails in Beverly Hills:

Tila Tequila is claiming that she is on her way to becoming Jewish, much like the way I used to the bullies in high school that it didn’t matter if they kicked my ass because I could always Force-heal afterward. TMZ says,

TMZ has learned Tequila has been taking classes at a NY temple to begin the conversion process … and even skipped Christmas this year to focus on change.

We spoke with the former MTV reality star about the situation and she explained, “As time passed, I started to become more and more fascinated with Kabbalah, the culture, and the way of life of the reform Judaism religion.”

And even though she starred in a sex tape, Tequila says … “I feel Orthodox is a little hardcore for me at this stage.”

Tila adds, “I just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them, and I can’t wait to officially be Jewish! Shabbat Shalom.”

In the real world*, someone as crazy as her would be relegated to a corner in the backyard, tethered to a tree, given the monthly shower with the garden hose, and fed stale Ritz crackers. In Hollywood, however, media outlets pick up the story and she gets publicity. They never tell you in school that “crazy” can be a marketable skill.

_{*My family}

Lady Gaga’s “Marry the Night” music video is out, and it’s full of the pretentious batshit insane stunts that you’d expect from her. Nudity, getting up close and personal with a box of Cheerios, a hospital ward and ballerinas all happen before the stupid song even starts (way at the 8:13 mark). And when the actual song starts, it all becomes clear why she goes through so much length to dazzle you with crazy–the song is mediocre shit. The only way this video could have been redeemed would be to veer into a creepy snuff porno where someone plugs her mouth with Cheerios to shut her up and she chokes to death. Now that is what I would call art.

19-year old Disney starlet Selena Gomez was granted a restraining order against 46-year old Thomas Brodnicki earlier this week after he allegedly stalked her across the country and threatened to kill her. I guess I’m not the only one who hates “Wizards of Waverly Place.” The Daily Mail says:

Brodnicki, 46, has a history of mental illness as well as a criminal record. Brodnicki told a psychiatrist he had conversations with God and entertained thoughts of killing the star.

Brodnicki is also accused of traveling to Los Angeles from Chicago three times to try to meet the 19-year-old at her workplace.

He reportedly told doctors his bizarre thoughts while he was being held for psychiatric observation for threatening people on the street, saying he would scratch their eyes out.

Brodnicki also has a history of stalking women, receiving a sentence for three years in prison for cyber stalking.

I know he’s lying about that whole “conversations with God” bit, because if God wanted any Disney star dead, it would have been Miley Cyrus by a long shot. Fact.

At the world premiere of the Thriller The Thing at Universal Studios last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

As a rule, beautiful women are almost always bat-shit fucking crazy. Case in point: Catherine Zeta-Jones, who just voluntarily institutionalized herself in a psych ward for treatment for a “mental health issue.” People Magazine says:

“After dealing with the stress of [husband Michael Douglas' cancer diagnosis] this past year, Catherine made the decision to check in to a mental health facility for a brief stay to treat her Bipolar II disorder. She’s feeling great and looking forward to starting work this week on her two upcoming films.”

Zeta-Jones, 41, spent about five days in the unidentified facility.

Sorry, she’s not bi-polar; she’s bi-winning. It says so right there on Charlie Sheen’s t-shirt. Unlike beautiful women, T-shirts never lie!

With Michael Douglas in Manhattan last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Halle Berry may be a crazy bitch, but boy does she look awesome in a bikini. There’s always one solution to a hot woman who can’t keep her yap shut, and that’s a good double-layer of duct tape across the mouth. My dad may have had multiple charges of assault and battery against my bitter harpy of a mom, but he had some pretty good ideas. You can’t say my daddy didn’t teach me anything!

Currently silent and thus smoking hot at Malibu Beach:

Charlie Sheen may love himself some drugs, but he doesn’t really need anything to get a high, because he is MADE of drugs. And he comes with its own consumer advisory. The Washington Post explains,

“I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen.’ It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body,” the benched star of CBS’s “Two and a Half Men” said in an interview with ABC News, portions of which aired on its morning newsfotainment show, “Good Morning America.”

“I woke up and decided, you know, I’ve been kicked around. I’ve been criticized,” Sheen continued. ” I’ve been like the ‘Aw, shucks’ guy with, like, this bitchin’ rock-star life. And I’m just finally going to completely embrace it, wrap both arms around it and love it violently. And defend it violently through violent hatred.”

During his various interviews, Sheen acknowledged he’d used drugs in the past, saying the last time he used drugs, he “probably took more than anybody could survive.”

“I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll,” he told “GMA.” “I have one speed. I have one gear — go.”

Sheen described himself as superhuman, citing a “different constitution,” “different brain” and “different heart” than normal people, allowing him to survive his drug binges.

“I got tiger blood, man,” he said. “My brain … fires in a way that is — I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.”

But he’s off drugs now, Sheen says, because it “bored the hell out of [him] after a while.” And relapse is not an option, he insists, because “I blinked and I cured my brain. … ‘Can’t’ is the Cancer of Happen.”

“GMA” wound up its interview with results of a drug test that Sheen submitted to, which proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he’s been clean for at least 24 hours.

He definitely sounds like he’s in a manic episode of bi-polarism. It’s not a fun disease, but I can’t feel sorry for him since he’s the one who pumped himself full of drugs, which can trigger symptoms in bi-polar persons. Unfortunately for his family and friends, they’ll have to wait until he does something to harm someone else or himself (more than he already has done) before they can 5150 him.

A whole montage of his insane interviews:

(more…)

Charlie Sheen spontaneous combustion in 3-2-1…TMZ has posted an open letter he wrote (and gave to TMZ) addressing the decision to shut down production on Two and a Half Men for the rest of the season. Charlie writes,

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

Charlie Sheen

Then, after being called anti-Semitic for choosing to use the Hebrew translation of Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre’s name, he fired back with,

“I was referring to Chuck by his real name, because I wanted to address the man, not the bulls**t TV persona.”

FYI — Chuck’s birth name is Charles Levine … and Chaim is the Hebrew equivalent of the name Charles.

Charlie added, “So you’re telling me, anytime someone calls me Carlos Estevez, I can claim they are anti-Latino?”

I think that’s the only bit of sense that he’s made in this whole thing. If you’re verbally attacking someone and then pull out the ethnic version of someone’s name, chances are you’re trying to insult them. Like if I call drunken wife-abusing Charlie Carlos Estevez, then I’m making a point that of course he’s those things because he’s Latino, and everyone knows Latino men are all wife-beating drunks. Duh.

Mila Kunis at the Hollywood Reporter Big 10 Party, because crazy is rarely pretty:

This truly saddens my heart, which has held a place for Christian Bale since he was Laurie in Little Women (stupid Jo March for letting him go). We all remember his crazed rant, and then the comment he made about wanting to piss on some critic’s shoes because he made a comment about his “trademark weight loss”, and now this news. And for fuck’s sake I don’t know why he insists on doing this Grizzly Adams shit with his face.  Digital Spy explains,

Christian Bale’s representative has dismissed suggestions that his behaviour following the Screen Actors Guild Awards caused tension with his wife.

This week, Star magazine reported that the actor, who is tipped for an Oscar for his role in The Fighter, has been “hitting the party scene”.

The publication also suggested that the star had received a “sharp rebuke” from Harvey Weinstein during his company’s SAGs after-party last month.

According to a source supposedly close to Bale and wife Sandra Blazic, his drinking “is straining his relationship”.

However, Bale’s representative told Gossip Cop: “[There is] no truth in the story in the Star,” adding that the actor was not present at the Weinstein event.

Heaven help the audience at the Academy Awards if he doesn’t win that Oscar. At the rate he’s going, he’s liable to strip down naked and charge the crowd with a chainsaw.

At the Screen Actors Guild Awards:

Josh Brolin should thank his lucky stars that he escaped the evil clutches of Scientology. He’s revealed that he had a close encounter with Scientology, John Travolta, Marlon Brando, and a blow job. Okay, I made that last part up, but it’s really not a stretch. Says Digital Spy,

Josh Brolin has described Scientology as “f**king bizarre”.

The actor admitted his brief experience with the religion’s “auditing” treatment – which he insisted took place during “a real moment of desperation” in his life – and also recalled an incident in which he witnessed John Travolta “practising Scientology” on Marlon Brando.

“I watched this process going on – it was very physical. I was thinking, ‘This is really f**king bizarre!’” he recalled to The New Yorker.

“Then, after ten minutes, Brando opens his eyes and says, ‘That really helped. I actually feel different!’”

Brolin went on to say that he does not understand Scientology’s appeal to its famous members such as Travolta and Tom Cruise, adding: “Each has a good head on his shoulders, they make great business decisions, they seem to have wonderful families. Is that because they were helped by Scientology?”

Reps for Travolta have denied the incident with Brando.

C’mon, read between the lines, people. Closet gay John Travolta performing some “very physical” act on Brando, who’s got that well-known fellatio pic that’s been floating around for years? Yeah. I bet that really helped.

Josh Brolin, along with some Malin Akerman thrown in for good measure at the Bvlgari Private Event Honoring Simon Fuller And Paul Haggis To Benefit Save The Children And Artists For Peace And Justice, Which Has Got to be the Longest Title for Any Benefit:

I know one of the burning questions I ponder in the middle of the night is, “What are duck’s vaginas like?” I have that in common with Isabella Rossellini, because she thought it would be a good idea to make a short about it. Psst! This is the part you start backing away very slowly. Digital Spy says,

Isabella Rossellini has said that female ducks have interesting vaginas.

The Blue Velvet actress stars in a series of short films called Seduce Me about the sex lives of various animals.

Rossellini told The Observer: “I don’t know about the most interesting sex life but the female duck has an interesting vagina. It has a lot of dead ends, like a maze. Female ducks are often raped violently by a group of males. She can decide where the sperm goes.

“If she is mated by a male she likes and thinks would be good for her babies, then she would let his sperm go to a channel that leads to her eggs. Otherwise, she can send the sperm to a dead end. Extraordinary.”

One short film features Rossellini, wearing a duck outfit, being sexually attacked by other ducks and describing the experience.

In the clip, Rossellini says: “They all want to mate with me with their corkscrew penises – ouch – forced copulation – get away! But I evolved vaginal complexity to keep control.

“Ouch ouch, one of them is raping me, I don’t care! My vaginal structure is a twisted tunnel – a labyrinth. I can block the phallus! I can discombobulate the phallus – I can trick the phallus.”

The Seduce Me films are a spinoff of the Webby-award winning Green Porno series. Seven of the films will air as part of the Sexual Nature exhibition at London’s Natural History Museum.

Sure, have someone famous make a short film about animal rape and self-important art critics in over-sized sunglasses will nod their heads sagely and make comments about how ground-breaking and avant-garde it is. I make one and show it on for our neighborhood movie night, and people get all huffy with “obscene” this and “disgusting” that. Pff.

Katy Perry at the Purple Carpet Party in Mexico City, because duck rape doesn’t involve big boobs:

Halle Berry made it sound like her split from Gabriel Aubry back in April was perfectly amicable. And it was, if by “perfectly amicable” you meant “she still calls him non-stop screaming like a psycho bitch and stalks him on dates.” I guess it’s more of an open interpretation of the word. Radar Online says:

The situation has gotten so bad that Gabriel felt “forced” to file a petition on December 30 for custody of their two-year-old daughter Nahla, to ensure his legal rights to visitation.

“Basically whenever Gabriel doesn’t do exactly what Halle tells him to do, or if he does something she doesn’t approve of or like, she goes crazy on him, screaming and shouting,” the source says. “Contrary to public perception Halle has a particularly nasty temper, and she can be really controlling and vindictive.”

[But] you can expect Team Berry to go into PR overdrive when it comes to reports of any bad behavior on the 44-year-old’s behalf.

Halle is very protective of her image and those around her have already gone to great lengths to say that everything is great between her and Gabriel, often twisting the truth to portray Halle in a better light.

Well, of course she’s crazy. She’s a black woman. Really, has Tyler Perry taught you nothing in the last five years?

At the Golden Globes:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures